The Back Of His Head
by Oh SqueegeeMan
Summary: Mark falls for Roger in one of their high school years. Will friends, family, school, and society accept them? Will they survive their other relationships complications as well? R&R.
1. Ballz

The back of his head. That's all I really saw of him before last night. But how could I see his face and stare into his eyes, when the only time I ever saw him was when I sat behind him in Chemistry. Other than that 45 minutes, I never saw him, because after that he disapeared. He disapeared with them, his friends and ignored me, not that I really expected him to talk to me. We were two totally different people.

You see, Roger Davis was rebelious. He'd play pranks on teachers and other students. His little jokes got him in trouble a lot. Detention was practically his home away from home. ...Thats one of the things that attracted me to him...

And all his pranks and jokes made students laugh and think he was funny, too, which got him tons of friends. I'm sure he was the one of the most popular people at Parker High. Oh, and the girls. The girls were all over him. They found his attitude and long dirty blonde hair adorable. And that's another reason why I was so suprised about what happened last night.

Maybe I should start from the begining. Wendsday, April 5, was when it all started, in Chemistry, of course. Well, it was one of those noramal days. Boring old Mark Cohen sitting behind well known Roger Davis. Chemistry was especially boring that day though. I found myself staring at Roger, from behind, of course. His hair was the most perfect shade of blonde I'd ever seen. Golden, but not too dark, and when the sun shined, it sparkled.

But his hair wasn't the only thing I noticed. For the first time he wore a necklace. It was made of balls about the size of a marbles, metal ones. I asume he was just as bored as me because he took his necklace off and started to play with it with his fingers, twirling it around and around.

Suddenly the bell rang, but I was still staring at him, and his necklace. I wanted to speak to him, but I didn't know what to say. "I like your necklace." I blurted out. _Did I just say that? No...I didn't. If he doesn't answer that must mean I didn't really say anything. Ohhhh please don't let him answer me._

At that moment he turned around and I saw him. I saw something that I wanted to see since the begining of the year...his face. "Oh, thanks. They're my ballz." He said.

_Damn it! I did say it...now what do I say? I can't just ignore him._

"B-b-balls?" I questioned. I didn't know what to say so i stuttered the first thing that came to my mind.

We both stood up and grabbed our books.

His light red lips moved has he spoke. Oh, how I longed to touch them. "No, no, no. Not ballsssss," Roger accented his "S". "Ballzzz, with a 'Z'."

I couldn't help but laugh and repeat "Ballz. I see."

He looked around as if he was making sure no one saw him with me. I stared at the floor...ashamed. "I'm sorry," I sighed.

Then he looked into my eyes. For the first time ever I stared into those green eyes. They were piercing and kept me locked. No matter how I tried to look away and no matter how akward I felt, I couldn't move. I was frozen in that spot for what seemed like forever. Then he spoke. "What are you sorry for?"

Honesty just poured out of my mouth before I could stop it. "For talking to you...Roger Davis. The king of Parker High, the man with all the girls, and the man with the best life ever. "

He shook his head and squinted his beautiful eyes as his face tensed. "Fuck you Mark..."

My eyes opened. _What? Did I say something?_ But before I could try to straighten up and figure out what I had done, Roger rushed out of the room.

_Damn it! _

I went through the whole day wondering what I had done, how I had messed up. All I could do was beat myself up. _My one chance to talk to Roger, and I messed it all up. Ugh! _I found myself not even being able to concentrate on school work. Roger filled my mind.

Finally the final bell rang. Maybe getting away from the school would get Roger off my mind. Wrapping my scarf around my neck, I walked tward my bike, but when I looked over tward the bike rack, I saw him. Roger was standy, resting his arm right on my bike. _What should I do? I don't wanna go over there and make a fool of myself...again._ But I had no choice. I wasn't about to leave my bike there and walk all the way home. Not in New York in the winter. Too cold.

So I got my confidence up. _I'm just gonna go over there, get on my bike, and leave. No talking. _And that's exactly what I tried to do, but it didn't really work out the way I planned.

"Mark..." Roger said when I reached to pull my bike out from under his arm praying that he wouldn't notice and/or talk to me. I guess my try wasn't good enough. "I'm sorry about earlier."

_Why is he sorry? I'm the one that made him so angry. _"Noo! No! No!" I blurted trying to stop him. I didn't want him to apologize. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I did or even why you got angry but I'm sorry. Please don't be angry. Please! Please! Please! I mean, I supose I shouldn't have talked to you in the first place 'cause I'm not well...I'm not as good looking and popular as you and I know-" At that moment Roger put his hand over my mouth to stop my rambling. I didn't know what I was saying. All I knew was that I really didn't want him to be mad at me anymore."

"Mark! Stop. Let me talk okay?" He chuckled as a light-hearted smile formed. I just nodded as he took his hand from my mouth, hoping he would speak more. His voice was soft as velvet and I longed to here it. "I'm sorry, okay? I was just having a bad day. I really didn't mean to be so rude."

I shook my head. "No, no, no. You were not rude one bit, Roger." _Wow, I'm talking to him and this time, I didn't screw it up. _

As I realized, what I was doing, I filled with butterflies from my head to my toes. My whole body trembled. Thousands of butterflies flapped in my stomach non stop, the whole time we talked.

"Stop Mark. Can't you just let me apoligize. Geez."

I just shook my head. Once again he had me trapped in his stare. I didn't even notice the cold. I was too busy day dreaming in his eyes.

"Uh-uh-uh I got to go. Bye." The Roger turned around as fast as he could and walked away. And once again, all I could do was stare at the back of his head...

Post::: okay excuse spelling mistakes, obviously i'm not the best and grammer, im not too good at that either. I love reviews though. And I know this is my 3rd Mark/Roger fic. but I just love them as a couple okay...but i think this is a lot better than the first one even tho it kinda ish has the same story line...kinda...but i'm gonna be more creative and hopefully update this one more...and have it be more interesting and drawn out more; not jump to the story right away, so please, REVIEWS!


	2. What If What If What If

All night I thought about Roger. The day and his words just kept on replaying in my head over and over again, while I tried to imagine his voice.

But I didn't want to fall for him, I couldn't. If I did, I would just get hurt. I mean, I don't even know anything about Roger, but, somehow, when he had me trapped in his stare, I wanted be there for the rest of my life and it scared me, because I know that Roger doesn't want to be with me. How could he? He's perfect...amazing...and I'm just...just Mark. I'm nothing and he's mr.everything with everything...and more.

Beating myself up wasn't helping anything. I needed to get Roger off my mind...somehow. The only thing I could think of was calling a friend...Collins.

After about twenty rings his deep voice answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Collins. It's me, Mark."

"Oh hey. Is something wrong? You sound funny."

Was it really that obvious? Well, I guess I couldn't really expect to hide something from my best friend. Especially something this big...that I was in love...and it was drivng me crazy.

"Well...I talked to Roger today," I began. Collins knew I had a simple crush on him, but he didn't know I was falling for him. But how could I tell him? How could I explain when I didn't even know what was going on? All I knew for sure was that Roger has been in my every thought since the moment I first stared into his eyes until now and probably continue to be.

"And?" His voice was encouraging. "What did you say? What did he say?"

"Um...It was weird. First he got angry at me...I don't know why. And then he apologized..." I tried to explain what had happened today and I guess I had _accidently _left out the part where my body filled with butterflies and how I drownded in his eyes.

"That can't be all...Can it?" Collins questioned.

_Should I tell him? I don't want him to think I'm crazy or anything. _But I did anyways. It just poured out and I couldn't help it. I told Collins how Roger was in my every thought. How he made me feel happy and lifted. And how I fell, dead as a doornail, for him.

"Wow, man. Thats a lot...And he feels the same way?"

And that's where it caught me. It tour me apart. My stomach felt like it was gonna jump out of my throat. He didn't feel the same way, he couldn't. And once again, worry and shame filled my body. "That's the thing. He doesn't. At least...I don't think he does."

Collins sighed. I could tell he was scared for me and wanted to comfort me. "Mark. You just gotta talk to him, okay? Find out who he is."

"I know who he is! He's big time Roger Davis. Oh my God! How could I do this? How could I fall for him? Him! Roger Davis, the man with all the women, the king of Parker High, the most amazing man in the world..."

"Hello? Talk to him retard. Tell him how you feel."

I closed my eyes and flung my head back. "How can I do that? I know he doesn't love me...or even like me."

"No you don't man. Just tell him. He might feel the same way."

"Key word: Might."

"There's no way to tell unless you try. Believe me, if you tell him, and he feels the same way back, it'll be great. I know...When I first met Angel it was amazing. I thought she was the most beautiful person on this planet...no...in the whole univerese, and I wanted to spend my life with her and be with her as long as I could, and I am. Because I told Angel I loved her with all the heart in my soul and all the soul in my body, I am the happiest man alive...and you can be to. Just try..."

All I could do was tighten my eyes and rub my temples...I didn't know what to do. This was crazy. Telling him would be crazy. "What if he doesnt feel the same way Collins...I can't go through that."

"What if, What if, What if...is that all you can say? Well what if he doesn't? ...But what if he does? Just think about that...What if he loves you?"

Post::: short, I know. Everything is going kinda fast, but w/e. I needed to introduce Collins. Don't worry. Next Ch. will be better. It'll have more Mark and Roger stuff.


	3. A Lot Worse

The anoying sound of my moring alarm clock woke me. Hesetation filled my body, but I knew I had to get up for school. I looked up at my calender on the wall. "April 6."

Thoughts of Roger kept me up almost the whole night so I had barley gotten any sleep at all. I was so tired.

After wrapping layors of clothes on and getting ready for the cold morning air, I rushed down stairs to grab a bite to eat. I found my mom scrabling some eggs on sthe stove while my dad sat at the table and read the morning paper, the normal stuff.

"Hello honey!" My mom said with a smile. She was always too damn excited. Excited for what? I don't know. I just sighed and responded with a simple "Hey."

The clock read 7:45 and I needed to get to school. I really couldn't wait even though I had no idea what I was gonna say to Roger or how I would even start to tell him I loved him...and I wanted to be with him.

I reached for a muffin and raced out the door. When I got outside and opened the garage I just about froze my ass off. But I didn't see my bike. Where was my bike?

"MOM!!!" I screamed running into the house in rage. "Where is my fucking bike?!"

With a smile she said,"Honey, you know your brother got his bike stolen. This isn't exactly the best neighborhood, Markie."

"Mom! Hello?" I groaned in her face. "That means I have to walk...in the snow and the slush! Ugh!"

My mom giggled. "Don't get angry with me honey. It's not that far."

"No, of course not. A two mile and a half walk isn't too far, especially when I have to get ther in fifteen minutes 'cause everyone knows that I'm an amazing long distance runner and everything. Jee, this'll be sooo much fun!" I grinded my teeth trying not to scream. I thought my head was gonna explode.

My sarcasim didn't phase her. "Okay, you have fun then honey."

My eyes widened and I had to rub my temples. I felt a headache coming on. "Dad? Can't you give me a ride or something?" He ignored me, reading his newspaper, as usual.

Once agian, I headed out to the garage and started my long walk tward Parker High. The cold bit at my nose. My whole body tremble. "Brr...," I moaned, shivering. After walking for about ten minutes there was not warmth in my body. Everything went numb. I could feel nothing but the cold. I serioulsy thought I was just gonna fall over in snow and die.

"Beep!" I jumped a mile at the random sound of a car honking behind me. Quickly I turned around to see a rusty old truck I didn't reconize. _Who could that be? _I thought.

"Mark!" Someone called. Without seeing a face I knew who it was. "Velvet voice..." I shyly said to myself.

Roger pulled his car to the side of the rode and hopped out. _What was he doing here? Was he stopping for me?_

"Hey Mark. I was just runnin' late and..." He stared at me. I guess he noticed how cold I was since I was holding my arms to my chest and rubing my hands together to make some friction, hopefully to make a little bit of heat. "Get in. You must be freezing your balls off."

I gave a tiny laugh. "I am," but still I hesitated it go in. Roger couldn't really be wanting me to get into his car. I mean, why would he want to be seen with me? I felt myself getting worried. _I can't tell him..._ So I just stood there, undecided, not having any idea of what to do.

Roger stared at me with his piercing green eyes. "Are you ever gonna get in?" He asked.

I smiled nervously and slightly nodded my head, feeling stupid. "Okay..." So I strided my way tward his truck and got in. "Sorry if I get the seat wet...I'm kinda covered in snow...Sorry..."

"Don't worry about it," he said with a smile. "It's fine."

And then we were off on our way to school. Silence filled the air. I guess he didn't have anything to say and the thought of telling him how I felt about him came into my head. I didn't know what to do, though. _Why do I have to be so damn indecisive?_ Then I thought about yesterday and how he had gotten angry with me and I didn't know why. I kind of wanted to bring it up, but I really didn't want him to get angry again. All I wanted was an explenation.

"Hey Roger..." It slipped.

"Yeah?" he said turning his head from the front veiw tward the road.

"Well, you know yesterday, after Chemistry, when we talked?" He shook his head a little. "Well...why did you get upset?"

At that moment he stared forward watching the road as if he was egrossed with it. His hands also tensed; he grabbed the steering wheel tight and for a while he was silent as if he was thinking it over in his head. "Well Mark," he began,"It's just that...well..." He paused, still thinking, I guessed. Then he sighed. "Does it really matter? I mean, I said sorry. Can we just leave it at that? Okay?"

_Damn! I did it again. I pissed him off...Ugh!_ "I'm sorry," I replied, trying to fix it.

"You know what makes me angry?" He asked with another sigh. I just shook my head not knowing if it was a retorical question or not. "People saying sorry all the time...like you. Why are you like that, huh?"

All I did was shook my shoulders bit, not knowing what to say. "I don't know. I guess, I just don't like when people are angry with me...especially you."

Roger just laughed a little and rolled his eyes. "Psh...What's so great about me?"

The only thing I coudl think of to do was to tell him the truth about how I really felt about him. I mean, it seemed like a sign. A sign telling me that it's time to tell him, that he needed to know now, so I tried my best to spill my heart out. "Everything. They way you talk, the way you-" I stopped realizing I didn't know what the hell I was doing. _I can't believe I just did that. I'm such a dumbass! Maybe...just maybe he didn't hear me._ I hoped.

Roger just turned and gave me a weird look. "What did you just say?" He was confused...He wasn't the only one.

Silence filled the car again. I couldn't answer his question. I didn't even know what I was doing. I mean, the time seemed right, but I guess not. I was wrong for even trying. By the way he asked the question, too, I knew he didn't feel the same way...or ever could.

"Mark," Roger raised his voice expecting an answer. "What did you say?!"

I rubbed my temples with my thumbs as I covered my eyes with the palms of my hands. "I just don't know Roger..."

"Well...What don't you know?" He questioned panicly.

My eyes began to water, but I tried to hold the pain in. "I don't know...I don't know how I feel."

"How you feel about what, Mark?," this time his voice didn't seem angry, frustrated, or even the littlest bit panicy. It was as if he was concerned.

Uncovering my eyes, I stared into his. They were beautiful. The green was simply amazing. And I realized, I know exactly how I feel about him. "I like you Roger. I like you a lot and I think-...no...-I know...I'm falling for you."

Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and screeched on the brakes. Not exactly the reaction I wanted, but I can't say it wasn't the one I expected. A car honked behind us because of his sudden stop so he started to head tward the school again.

The whole way he was silent and so was I. I wanted him to say something so bad, at least react with speach, but it didn't happen.

When we reached the school, still he said nothing. Even in Chemestry, as I stared at the back of his head...again, he didn't turn to say a word. After class, nothing happened either. He just walked out...ignoring me...avoiding me.

* * *

Lunch, everyone's favorite time a day, came and all I could do was sit at the table. Eating wasn't really something that I wanted to do. I would probably just through it up anyways, with the way my stomach felt. But my stomach wasn't the only thing hurting. It felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest -wait...no- that would have felt much better than the way I was feeling now.

I felt a big hand on my shoulder and looked up. It was Collins carring his lunch tray in the other hand. "Hey man, whats up?" He asked sitting down at the table next to me.

I closed my eyes. Talking about what had happened with Roger, accually talking at all, would probably make the gaping whole in my chest worsen. "Nothing," I answered simply trying to put an end to the conversation.

"What's wrong with you? You okay?" he asked. I guess he was concerned and wanted to help, but I really didn't want to talk about it.

"I'm fine." I said sturnly.

Collins didn't go on with the conversation realizing I didn't want to talk, as Maureen came to table and sat across from me. She looked at me with her brown eyes and curious face. "What's wrong Markie?" Was it really that obvious that I was in so much pain?

Sighing, I turned and faced the other direction. Maybe someday these people would get the idea I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Collins just answered for me. "He doesn't want to talk. I think it has something to do with Roger."

"What about Roger? Roger Davis?" Maureen asked.

"Ya.Well, he likes him, you know and well-"

I cut him off. "Do you guys not realize that I'm right here or something?! Do you two really wanna know what's going on?!"

At that moment Joanne came to the table. "What is going on here? Are you okay Mark?"

Frustrated my hands tensed and I stood up. After throwing my chair into the table I blurted out. "I told Roger I loved him...and you know what? Big suprise: He doesn't love me...Okay? Is that explanation enough for you? And do I look okay to you?"

I found myself running out of the cafiteria and into the nearest men's room. Sitting in the last stoll, I just broke down. Tears just poured down fmy face as I sank into the corner and rolled into a ball. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know how to solve this problem. _I just told the perfect man I loved him and...and he...he rejected. _I never had my heartbroken before...It feels a lot worse than what people say...a lot worse.

Post::: well i know it wasn't the best ending but i didnt really know how i should end it so i just tried my best...i guess. so yeah...REVEIWS! pleeeez... 


	4. It's Love

Finally the day ended and I rushed out the Parker High doors as quickly as possible not wanting to talk to anyone. But of course, Collins, being the good fiend that he just has to be, came and started to talk to me. "I'm sorry man. I didn't know it was really that bad. I guess I just didn't understand how much you really liked him," he tried to explain what had happened that day at lunch.

My mind was so wrapped up in what happened today, what happened with Roger, all I could answer was a simple,"Okay..."

"Well, do you wanna like come over or something to hang out? It'll be good for you, man. Maybe I'll invite the whole group over. That'll be fun, huh?" his attempt to make me feel better was flattering and it showed that he really cared, but i just wasn't in the mood.

"I don't think so," I replied. "Time to myself will prolly be good for me, ya know?"

He nodded a bit undertanding. "Well...Do you at least want a ride home? You'll prolly freeze if you walk."

It was cold. Not as freezing as this morning was, but cold. "Um...Well-"

"Mark!" Someone screamed. I quickly turned to see Roger running tward me as me and Collins stopped. _Was he really gonna come talk to me after what happened? _"Mark can I talk to you...alone?" he asked when he reached noticing Collins. Collins just winked and said "Ya, I better get home anyways. Bye man."

I waved goodbye to him and faced Roger. "What is it?" I asked quietly hoping for an answer that didn't tear at the sides of the gaping hole in my chest.

Roger acted as if he was thinking for a while and finally replied,"Do you wanna come over? If you don't, its okay. I was just wonder because..."

It was as if some one shocked me. A little while ago Roger was acting like he didn't want anything to do with me and I was crying my eyes out...alone. And now he wants me to come over. "Because?" I asked nervously without understanding.

Roger swallowed hard. "Well...just to hang out or something. Maybe watcha movie... Ssooo...do you want to?"

With all my heart yes. I mean, being with him would be great, being to look at his face, his smile, and his eyes, but I really didn't want to risk the chance of my heart being ripped into to bits again. It's amazing how the littlest things, like ignoring someone, can hurt you so much. But I couldn't help wanting to. I had to. "Yes, I do."

A smile formed on his beautiful face showing two little dimples at the side of cheeks. They we adorable. "Good." So I followed him once again into his pick-up. "My sister goes to school over at Washington. We gotta go get her first, before we go to my house."

I nodded. That was fine. The longer the time with him, the better. So, we drove...silently, over to the elemtery school. The building was big, about three stories made of dark red bricks and tons of windows. Students poured out of the doorways while others waited for their ride to pick them up. A few were also started on their walk home.

We rounded the block and parked on the side of the rode behind the school. There wasn't many kids or parents waiting for their kids in the back of the shcool. Just a little girl with bouncy brown curls. Her eyes were a dazzling green and I realized they were Roger's. That was Roger's sister.

Roger opened the door and got out so the tiny girl could climb into the middle of the truck, between me and Roger. I couldn't really tell how old she was, but she looked like she was about four; she was so little.

"Mark, this is Baby. Baby, this is Mark," he said first pointing to the girl and then to me. _Baby, interesting name._ After Roger got into the car and we headed off, the girl became very talkative.

"You know my real names not Baby. It's Kathrine, but that's too much of a growed-up name. I don't like it very much, but I guess my mommy did cuz thats what she named me," she said matter of factly. I just smiled a little not knowing what to say or what to do, not wanting to make the wrong move and look like an idiot. _I can't believe I'm nervous over a little girl. _

"Guess how old she is, Mark." Roger suggested. Shrugging my shoulders, I raised my hands a little into the air and said "I don't know...four?" A big smile formed on his face as he chuckled a little. "Nope. She's six."

Feelings stupid, I put on a nervous smile. "Six..." I repeated.

Baby shook her head and put on a reasuring face. "I'm little, huh? When my mommy had me, I came out too early. I was a pre...pre...mashure baby."

I giggled a bit at her simple mistake. "Premature," I corrected.

She sighed as if annoyed. "That's what I said, Premature. Jeez." Me and Roger looked down at the little girl betweens and chuckled. "Do we have any oreos?" Baby asked randomly.

Roger just rolled his eyes. "I don't know Babe. I don't think Grandma has been over latley to drop of any grocceries, so we have to eat what we have until she does."

Once again the little girl sighed. "Well what if Mommy got some of them from the store?"

Roger huffed a little. "You know mom didn't get no oreos, Baby. She's probably not even home."

"Why wouldn't she be home?" Baby questioned.

Roger shook his head. "You know exactly why she wouldn't be home, Baby. I don't have to explain it to you again. You're not dumb."

My curiousity sprung. _Why wouldn't she be home? Did she work? Where else could she be? _

"I know Roger...You told me a bajillion million times. When we get home, can we play 'Sorry'?" Once again, a random question.

"Yeah, Babe. We can play Sorry." Roger replied nodding. About five minutes later we reached the house and pulled into the driveway. Well, I guess it wasn't a house, a duplex. It was small. Two windows in the front next to each other. I asumed that was the living room. There was also a small wood porch in the front with just two steps leading from the sidewalk to the the white door.

The three of us got out of truck. When the cold touch my body I shivered. "I hate winter," I mummled under my breathe.

The inside of the house was simple. One dirty old looking coach sat agianst the walls with the windows and a small tv sat on a wooden box. The floor was hard-would with a few carpets here and there scattered. "Home sweet home..." Roger grumbled under his breathe. "Well...this is it," he said more clearly this time for me to hear.

"It's nice...small." And that was true. It wasn't too complicated. Simple things are easy. I like easy.

"Can we play Sorry now?! Pleeeease!" Baby whined.

Grins formed on both me and Roger's faces. "Yeah, we can play now," Roger answered make Baby jump into the air and cheered,"Yay!" After that she ran to get the board game. "I want red!" she called on her way back.

The game was a lot more fun than the last time I played. Last time it was with my family; my moms sad attempt to make us all closer. Me and my brother ended up getting into a fight which made my dad angry and before we could end the first game we were all screaming our heads off.

This time wasn't like that. Roger and I just giggled when Baby cheated, pretending like we didn't notice. Baby ended up winning the first game because of her innocent cheating. The next game Roger and I joined forces to try and be tricky and beat the previous winner. Baby groaned and moaned because of the loss, until she found out that Roger had a handful of different flavors of life savors in his pocket. Whispering so only I could hear, he confessed. "I stole them from Mr. Larson, my tech. ed. teacher. He always has this big box of candy laying around everywhere and I figured he wouldn't notice...so I stole...no _borrowed _a handfull or two." I laughed at his attempt to sound innocent.

"You're bound for hell, Roger Davis." I replied with a grin.

He smiled a giant smile showing his perfectly alighned teeth. "Well, I figure if I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

My jaw dropped as I laughed. "You're bad!" I playfully nudged his shoulder.

"Thank you, thank you." He bowed.

"Can we play another game of Sorry, Roger?!" Baby pleaded once again, ending the playfullness between me and Roger that I loved.

"Sure, Babe. We can."

So once more Roger, Baby, and me played Sorry. The MarkRoger team decided that we should let Baby win this one. And leave the night good for her. When she won she laughed and giggled and jumped joyfully. "I rock!"

"You know what Baby?" Roger asked.

"What?" she asked stopping from her cheery jump.

"I think that it's time for you to go to bed."

"Aww!" she groaned. Roger talked with her for a bit and the three of us went up a flight of stairs to Baby's bed-room. In the room wasn't much. Just a twin bed and a small dresser and about five carboad boxes on the floor. I stood outside the room and watched as Roger said goodnight to his little sister in the dark.

"I'm gonna leave the hall light on, okay Baby?" she nodded her little head full of silky brown curls. "Don't forget to pray. Now who is it that's up in heaven listening to your prayers?" Roger spoke delicate and sweet.

Baby's tiny voice smiled a bit. "Mama April is gonna hear. I'm gonna tell her I love her some more and that we miss her."

As I watched the way Roger spoke so soft to her it made me smile. He seemed perfect there, staring into the little girls green eyes.

"Good job Baby. Tell her the same for me too, Okay?" once agian, she nodded. "Remember where the house phone is? Right over there," Roger pointed on the top of her dresser,"And do you remember my cell number?"

"Yes," she smiled laying in her bed as if she was about to fall asleep. A small yawn excaped her mouth.

"And you remember the other number you call if it's really bad or if I don't answer? 911, right?" Roger quizzed.

"I remember Roger." Baby reasured.

Roger smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek soft and gentle."Now, I'm going to take Mark home and I will be back in about ten minutes. If anything happens, anything at all, you call me or call 911. You understand?"

"Yes...I know, I know," she moaned. Baby seemed annoyed, but I could tell it was only because he cared and wanted her to be safe that he replanted it into her brain over and over again.

"Okay, I love you." And once again, he planted a kiss on the girls cheek.

When got outside and into the car, Roger sat there, without word. Feeling I did something wrong, I tried to spark up a conversation. "You're really good with her, you know?"

Roger nodded his head a bit. "Well I'm the only one she has. You know, she's not really my sister."

"I was kinda listening on your conversation and I couldn't put the puzzle together. Whose April?"

"Well," he began,"April is my older sister..._was _my older sister," he corrected. "Um...well she got pregnant when she was six-teen with Baby, and had her at seventeen." Roger paused as if it were hard to talk about, hard to even think about.

Instantly I felt terrible, guilt pouring through every vein. _Why did I even ask? _"I'm sorry. I really don't wanna bring something up that's hard for you. Curiosity just got the best of me. I'm sorry."

"Well it kinda has something to do with what I wanted to talk about with you. Remember yesterday, when I got angry with you, after Chemistry?"

I nodded. I was kinda praying he wouldn't bring this up. After all, I really thought it was my fault.

I focused all my attention on Roger listening to his every word. "Well, Mark. You said that was the man with everything. Well...I'm not. I'm missing my sister. My favorite person in the world. After Baby was born she kinda got mixed up with the wrong people, people that had her gone all night for me to be with Baby and I had to be the one to care for her." At that moment tears began to flow down his now bright red cheeks. Naturely I lifted my hand to put it on Rogers shoulder for comfort, but then I thought about what happened this morning, How I had confessed my feelings for him and he didn't have them back. So I just put my hand down. I didn't know what to do. _Would he be comfertable if I tried to comfort him? _Then he began again through his sobs. "Well, one night, when she went out, she didn't come back. Later, the next day, the cops showed up at my house and told me that my sister...that she overdosed."

I moved my jaw, but nothing came out. I didn't know what to say. No words came...All I could think of to say was an obvious question. "Are you okay?" _Dumb, Dumb, Dumb! Of course he's not okay! _"I'm sorry," I said trying to fix my insensative mistake.

A little chuckle came from Roger. "Did anyone ever tell you say sorry too much?"

I smiled back when he said that with a little giggle. "Only you."

Then it got quiet again. I tensed up trying to come up with some sort of ice breaker. For what seemed like an eternity, no one spoke. Finally, through his tear staind face, Roger spoke. "Um...I wasn't really finished talking to you though. Can I tell you something?"

"Of course. You can tell me anything."

Roger took a deep breathe. "You know this morning? Well..." I closed my eyes praying to be somewhere else. Rejection wasn't something that I really wanted to hear.

"Well...Mark. It's like this. After you said that you...well after you said...what you said...I got thinking." He paused taking another deep breathe. _What is he trying to say? _"Well, I was thinking and I realized something. I think about you a lot Mark and I don't know why. I've never felt like this before. Its just that every second you pop into my head...And the reason I didn't say anything...when you said something, is because I was scared. "Roger tilted his head ashamed. I saw another tear drop from his eyes. "Is that terrible?"

I smiled. With my hand, I tilted his face up so I could look into his eyes and laughed a little. "Roger...don't be scared of how you feel."

"But-But-But," he stampered. "How can I not be affraid when I don't know what I'm feeling. I mean, I don't know what's going on. I have never felt like this before," he repeated.

"Its okay. I know how you're feeling. I'm feeling the same way."

He shook his head a little. "And how do I feel Mark?"

"Your in love..."

**Post::: I know. Not much of an ending, but w/e. And I know it keeps a lot of loose ends out there about what happened after that, but you'll find that out next chapter...the next one will most likely be very long so I might split it in two, but Idk for sure. So please...reveiws. Oh ya, I know I have a lot of typos and thank you for not being all "OMG! READ OVER UR WRITINGS! JEEZ!" well...at least most of you -cough kristen cough- but ya, thanks for the read!**

**Oh ya...and don't mind my plagerism...er however you spell it. if you can catch it, here's a cookie!**


	5. I'll Wait For You

**Note:: This chapter was inspired by the song "Wait For You" by Elliot Yamin so don't be suprised if there is lyrics from the song in Mark's speech. So ya, and its my favoratest song at the moment and it'll be worth it if you go on limewire and download it (but if u get caught illegally downloading music, i didn't tell you to go on limewire) or just go to Youtube and watch the video. its a really good song.**

In case you're wondering, after that Roger took me home and that's what happened last night. I know, it doesn't sound like much, but it changed me a lot. I realized that love is the most amazing feeling in the world and I don't think I can ever feel like that with someone else. I mean, when I was with Maureen for that little bit of time, I thought it was love, but I didnt' feel even the tiniest percentage of the way that I feel with him. Wow...I really fell fast. I mean, I had a whole three conversations with him and he's my first thought when I wake and my last thought when I sleep, but even then, I dream about him.

The next day I gladly walked to school. I would've done anything to get there and the cold didn't even bother me because I knew even seeing that back of Roger's head in Chemistry would make it all worth while, but sadly, Roger wasn't running late that day, so I didn't see him on my way, but I knew I would see him at school. The whole way I froze, but it didn't matter. It didn't bother me one bit.

"What are you so giddy about?" Collins asked once I reached the school noticing the little hop in my step.

"Oh nothing," I replied with a smile and my eyes lit.

"Uh...Your glowing like the sun. Something had to make you this happy."

"Well...Last night something happened..."

Collins eyes widened a giant grin filling his face. "Omg...You lost your virginity?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "No," I corrected.

"Oh well, that's one of the reasons I'm so chipper all the time."

"Eww, eww, eww!" I groaned covering my ears and shaking my head trying to get the images out of my head. "Sorry, I don't wanna think about my two best friends doing...anything more than holding hands okay?"

Collins burst into laughter. "Well if it makes you feel any better, I would'nt've wanted to hear about you losing your virginity either, anyways."

Glaring at him, I tried to acually explain the story. I told him how we hung out all night with his sister, and how she wasn't really his sister, and how he cried. But most of all, I told him what he said; that he feels the same way.

"I'm happy for you. So does that mean you two are a couple?"

That's when it hit me. We never even talked about being together. Are we together? I don't even know. "Um..I don't know..."

Collins gave me a strange look. "You don't know?"

And that's when the bell rang (I've nevr been so happpy about starting school before) and where I ended the conversation by running up to Joanne and starting a new conversation...not about Roger, while we walked into the school together.

The whole day I thought about it. I wondered what it would be like if me and roger would really be together. I wondered if he would even want that. Maybe he was still scared. I did put words in his mouth. He never really did say he loved me...

Then my heart sank. _Does he love me or not? What if he doesn't? _

I didn't want to think about that. I couldn't. _I'll just wait until Chemestry and I'll talk to him after that. _I decided.

So I waited all day and finally Chemistry came.

"Roger?" I casked before class started. He turned around and looked at me.

"Ya?" Roger questioned.

"Um...what's going on with us?" I choked out.

He stared at me. "What do you mean?"

Taking a deep breath, I got ready to explain. "I mean...what-"

"Okay kids. Take out your text books and turn to page 107." Fucking teacher...Now I have to wait until after class.

For the fourty-five minutes of Chemestry, I sat there while the teacher babbled on and on about random things I didn't care about. I knew a test was coming up, but how could listen when frustration rumbled around in my mind. But then, before class ended, a lightbulb went off in my head. _I can write him a note. _Okay, I know it sounded a little middle-school and kinda girly, but I decided on it anyways.

_How to start? How to start? _After pulling out a piece of paper and a pen from my shoulder bag, I thought long and hard about what to write. I figured I should just come out with it right away; no rambling on.

_Roger-_

_Uh...Well...- _I stopped and realized I had no idea how to start. _I know I should just come out with it, but I don't wanna sound stupid, or all panicy when it might not be as much of a big deal as I think it is. Okay...I'll make it casual. But I don't want to sound too casual. I want him to know that I really want to know and that its important to me. Okay, I got! Casual, yet urgent. Sounds good. _So I did my best to start over again.

_Roger-_

_Hey. What's up- _"Brrrring!" went the bell. I spent so much time worring about what to write, that I didn't even have time to write it and after I looked up from my note paper, Roger was already gone. _Damn! _

At least my next class was French. It's not like Mr. Larson would stop me from writing a note. People get away with doing a lot more in that class than any other class I have ever been in. Seriously, I think the teacher is deaf...or blind. No, I got it: Deaf and Blind.

So after rushing my butt down a flight of stairs and to the other side of school, I jumped into my seat. Thankfully I don't sit anywhere near the front so there was even a less chance of being caught, but I bet I could've written the whole note on the chalk bored and either he wouldn't notice, or he would care. So, once again, I went on with my letter writing.

_Roger-_

_Hey. What's up? I'm good, I guess. But I was- _"Markie!!!" Maureen's voice rang in my ear. Turning my head to the right a little, I saw those big brown eyes staring at me. "Why are you writing to Roger?" Stressing out I tilted my head back and shut my eyes, while rubbing my temples. "What's wrong with you Markie?"

"Maureen," I began, frustrated. "I'm stressing. Can you just sit there...quietly for a moment so I can finish what I'm writing. Okay? Can you just do that for me?"

Maureens face turned from chipper and delightfull, to angry and stern. "Dont patronize me Mark, okay? I just wanted to find some way to help. Is that all right with you?"

"Look, I don't mean to sound bitchy, but I'm kinda freaking out. I just need to sit here and write a not, alright?"

She still acted angry. "Whatever Mark." I didn't mean to make her angry, but thankfully after that she acually was quiet. So, once again, hopefully with no interuptions this time, I went on writing.

_Roger-_

_What's up? I'm good, I guess. But I was kinda wonder what is going on with us. I mean, last night, you told me how you felt about me and you know how I feel, but are we going to do anything about it?_

"Mark, you need to pay attention. We are going to watch a movie," for the first time ever, Mr. Larson spoke to me. The one day I don't do as I'm suposed to, he decides to be a teacher. So, I just shook my head, signaling that I understood. When he started the movie, I watch the first two minutes and then realized the teacher wasn't even in the class room, so...once AGAIN, I wrote.

_Roger-_

_What's up? I'm good, I guess. But I was kinda wonder what is going on with us. I mean, last night, you told me how you felt about me and you know how I feel, but are we going to do anything about it? Because, we both said that we really...REALLY liked each other, doesn't that mean we should be a couple? Well...write back please, or just talk to me, but please, get back to me on this. _

_Love,_

_Mark._

No, no, no. That sounded to straight forward, so I scribbled the ending out and simply ended it with only my name and no "Love" even though I did really want to put it, I didn't know if Roger would be comfertable with it especially since the begining was a suttle way of asking him to go out with me. So, I slipped the note into my pocket and waited for the movie to end.

"Don't you think it's a little strange that we are watching 'The Little Mermaid'?" I leaned and asked Maureen.

She smiled, obviously not angry at me anymore. "I think its a cute love story...and it's sounds even cuter in French."

I chuckled. "You would Maureen."

So, we watched the beging minutes of "The Little Mermaid" and I couldn't understand a bit of it. Obviously Mr. Larson wasn't much of a teacher. When class was over, I got to the floor that had the Juniors lockers and searched for Roger. Finally I found him...but he wasn't alone. Benny, a popular guy, like Roger, but not quite as friendly, but I really needed to give Roger the note. So, with as much confidence as I could choke up, I walked up to Roger...and Benny.

"Um...Roger..." I mummbled looking at the floor. I didn't really know what to do next, so I kinda just stood there...staring at the floor tiles.

"Yes?" he finaly asked.

"Here," I said while shoving the note into his hand, and then I looked into his eyes as he looked at the paper in his hand. "What's this?" he asked.

If I wanted to explain it, I would've written it, so I said,"Just read it."

Roger shook his head a little giving me a weird look. "Ooookay..." Then I just stood there,once again, staring at the floor.

"Is that all, because I'm kinda in the middle of talking to him, so if you're done...you can leave." Benny snobby attitude made me rush away with out a word.

"You know you don't have to treat him like that." Wow...Roger stood up for me. I didn't hear the rest of the conversation because I was to busy rushing away, going to my next class, Choir. The whole time I wondered what Roger thought of the note, and if he was even going to read it. And that wonderment went on the whole day until finally the end of the day while I began walking home, still not having my bike.

While I was walking, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see who it could be, praying it was Roger. God must've heard because, sure enough, it was. "Hey, you think I can come over. I don't wanna like impose or anything, but I don't have to pick up Baby until 5 because she has some after school thing."

I quickly said yes. And we were off to his car. The only conversation between us on our way there, was him asking for directions and me telling him the way to my house. When we reached it, we still didn't speak until we went into my room. Thank god my parents didn't notice me bring home a guest. Introducing Roger to my parents wasn't something I wanted to do.

"So, this is it," I said showing him my room. "I know...its not much."

"It's nice," he replied sweetly making me smile a bit. "I think we should talk about what you wrote."

I knew this was coming which scared me. Not knowing what was about to happen I just reaplied with a simple,"Yea." So I laid on my bed, my eyes closed as my head rested on the pillow waiting for him to begin.

"I don't know if I can do this." and once again his words cut my heart into pieces, but I tried my best to hide it.

"I understand," I replied trying my best to hide the tears that would be flowing down my face if I was sitting up.

Then I felt Roger rest on the bed, but that wasn't the only thing I felt. A warm hand touched mine and I had too look up to see if it was really Roger's...and it was. The feeling of his thumb rubbing against my hand sent a sensation through my whole body and the tears that almost fell, dried up. "No, you don't understand. I like you Mark. I like you a lot. Infact, I like you more than I have ever liked anyone before, but I don't think I can be with you." At that moment, the dried tears began to reapear. "I want to, but its just that...that...you know Mark. The world is cruel...and I don't think I would be able to handle all of it. You know how people are...about people like you...and me...and us."

This time the tears did fall and they fell fast. "Are that afraid of me?"

Roger pulled my hand so I would be facing him. I felt stupid with all the tears that feel, but Roger didn't seem to care. "No, that's not how it is, Mark. It's not you." Then he cupped my face in is hand. "Then why are you hiding from me, and telling me you don't wanna be with me. I don't understand."

"Mark, people like us don't get acceptence in the world, especially in high school...especially in _our _highschool," he replied, still staring into my eyes.

"If you really liked me like you say you do, then it wouldn't matter," I cried with all my heart.

"Well if you really liked me, you would understand how I feel."

"You can't just walk away and pretend like everything is the same, its not. I can't do it!"

Then he closed his eyes, and stood up, walking by the door. "Please! Mark! Understand. I need you to understand. I don't want to leave with out you understanding!"

Our debate was going nowwhere and I realized, with all his pleas, that that's what her really wanted; me to understand. So I tried my best to. "Okay, Roger...I'll wait for you...But, if you think I'm fine with it, its not true. I really want you in my life, Roger, but no matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you."

"Thank you," he cried with his eyes still closed. "Come here," he said.

So, I walked right up to him and stared into his eyes again, getting lost in them. Then he did something I thought he would never do. He leaned his face tward me and his gentle lips mine. My whole body trembled with the touch and I found myself rapping my arms around his shoulders as we embraced each other. Then before I was ready to, he pulled away. "I have to go Mark..."

My voice stuttered as I said my goodbye,"Bye...I love you."

Roger turned away from me and walked to the door. He opened it and stepped out but before he left, he whispered,"Goodbye...I love you too Mark." And then, he was gone...

**Post::: I guess i didn't put a lot of the song in...but i put some of the lyrics in. Reveiws please! and when i say please...i mean PLEASE!!! i really wanna know what you people think...and if you listened the song, and liked it, hears a ice cream cake! ...oh and i realized that in the other chapter the teachers name was mr. larson, but there is to mr. larsons in our school so w/e, there is in their school too.**


	6. Sorry

"So...I heard you and Roger hung out last night," Collins said to me the next morning with Angel at his side.

I rolled my eyes. "Barley...How do you know anyways?"

"How do you think?" he asked pulling Angel in closer to his side, "My gossip angel," he said answering his own question. "So what'd you two do?"

"Nothing..." I replied as we walked closer to the school's front doors.

"Mhm...like we are gonna believe that Markie," Angel said and Collins raised his eyebrows.

Then I smiled remembering the sensation he brought to me as his lips touched mine. "Well, we kissed, but it was only one small kiss and then..." Angel grabbed my hands and started to jump and giggle. "And then he left...for good," I answered putting back on the frown I had on the whole way I walked to school.

Angel stopped her boucing and giggling and gave me a hug. "Oh, Markie, what do you mean?"

Collins and Angel's eyes were set on me as I told them what had happened last night, me almost crying in the process.

"Wow, I'm so sorry Mark," Angel sympathized.

"I can't believe he did that," added Collins putting his arm on my shoulder. Then the school bell rang and I was off to my locker.

Students were everywhere as usual, pushing and shoving to get to there locker and first hour. I got shoved about three times, but it didn't bother me; I was too busy thinking about Roger. I thanked Collins and Angel for bringing up the subject in my head, knowing that all day I would have to think about what happened last night. There is no way I would be able to get him out of my head. It is nice thinking about the kiss and the way it made me feel, but him leaving, that always ripped at my insides.

First, second, and third hour passed. The class that I usually was excited for, Chemestry, was coming up. But this time, I wasn't exactly excited. Seeing Roger would just make all the things I thought about him and all the things last night replay over and over again in my head and I really didn't need that. I was already feeling terrible, I didn't think it could get any worse.

I was wrong. Everything was much worse. Seeing him, well seeing the back of him, just kept me thinking and thinking about him. I replayed the past few days in my head, remember playing Sorry and sharing laughs...but also remembering the tears we both shed...

* * *

Days went by, but I just felt locked in that day and locked in the pain. My friends constantly asked me if I was fine and I would reply with some form of "yes" even though what I really wanted to do, was break down and tell them how I felt, but I wanted to be strong and I tried my best to hold myself back.

When my friends would ask me to come over and hang out I'd say "no". I knew that I would just ruin it with my depressed attitude anyways. Besides, I'd rather just sit at home and let myself go. I'd try my best to read, go on the computer, or even film a bit, but every time I did, I couldn't consontrate. Roger filled my mind.

Even at school I wasn't able to focus. Our test in Chemestry came, but I was to busy staring at Roger's neck and hair that I couldn't even pay enough attention to answer the first question. Of course, I failed that test. I found myself failing most and more tests. The best grade I have gotten latley was a "C" on a multiple choice test in my easiest class, French.

Finally, after about a week away from my friends and not doing anything in school, I decided, I needed to try one more time. Maybe if I told Roger this time, he would feel differently. And I pledged to myself, that this time, I wouldn't break down and fall away from the world if I got a rejection, I would stand up and try and this time _really _try to survive. Love from my friends has gotten me through hardship before and I know they could do it again.

But how was I gonna do it? I'll do it the easy simple way. Write a note and if I don't get a reply, it's a no for sure. So, once again, during French, I started to write a note.

_Roger-_

_I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I- _"Markie, don't tell me you're writing to him. You know how he feels." Maureen's negativity really broke me.

"Maureen, I just am trying one more time and this time, I'm not going to die away from you and the others. I promise. I just am going to try once more and if its a no, I'm going to move on. I promise," I repeated.

"Mark..." she sighed.

"Maureen," I pleaded with not only my voice, but my eyes too.

She sighed once again and let me go on with my note writing.

_Roger-_

_I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I need to talk to you. I know I've already told you how I feel, and you don't exactly feel the same...Well you don't want to be with me. And, I just want to tell you once again that I think I love you, and I think I always will and I want to be with you, but I know its just a wish. But I just wanted to tell you that...and that...I'm always going to be here for you if you ever need anything. And also, even though you don't want to be with me, I was wondering if you still would like to be friends. I don't think I'll ever stop liking you, but I'd rather be your friend than nothing at all. So please, I had a great time when we hung out and I'd like to do it again. _

_Your Friend...hopefully,_

_Mark_

So thats the note, the note that I was going to give Roger and hopefully, he wouldn't reject to a friendship. I mean, that should be easy enough. A friendship with nothing more, no atachments.

So finally, when French ended and Mr. Larson watched his students leave, I headed my way around the school the school tward his locker. I saw him from down the hall placing his books into his locker, this time alone. _Yes, I won't have to deal with Benny's shit. _

So I walked up to Roger. "Hey," I said.

He turned to see me. I couldn't tell if he was excited or angry to see me. His expression was unreadable and emotionless. "Hi," he said in quiet voice.

"I wrote you something. It's just a note. You don't have to read it," I lied. I wanted him to; he had to.

He nodded his head a little. "Okay..." Then there was silence. I didn't know if I wanted to say more or not...or if he did. "I'll read it Mark. I will." I smiled just a bit and said thanks and headed to my next class.

The whole time I wondered if he was really going to read it or not. I hoped with all my heart yes, he was going to read it. He said he would, but would he really? These thoughts rambled into my brain as I stood at my desk. I didn't even pay notice when the bell rang.

"Mr. Cohen?" my teacher asked.

I sprung alive to see no one in the classroom besides the teacher. "Yeah?"

"Do you need something?" she asked.

"No, no. ...Sorry." When I left the class room most of the kids were already out of the halls and in there next class and by the time I saw my locker in veiw, no one was in the halls, except, at my locker was Roger. My heart thudded with a giant beat, but then I noticed Benny and couple other jockie jerks there too. One I didn't know and the other I just knew as Benny's best friend, Alex. The look on his face annoyed.

I tried my best to open the locker, but the jocks were in the way. Roger stood stood to the side looking at his feet when I looked at him, hoping he would get the sign that I wanted them to move. But he wasn't going to...he was just standing there. "Um...Can I get in my locker?" I asked snotty.

Benny laughed a little. "So, Mark, what's this?" he asked ignoring my question. Then he held something up, a folded piece of paper. And I realized what it was."My note..." I mummbled.

"Mark!" Roger graoned. "What are you talking about? You didn't give that to me...You didn't write it."

I gave him a strange look. _What is he saying? _"Roger, I gave it to you..." Then I understood after Benny's smile faided.

"How come you never told me you were gay Markie?" Ben asked with a fake frown.

"Fuck it," I groaned after my attempt to get to my locker, trying to walk away and head to my other class.

"Where you going Mark?" Benny asked. Then I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me," and once again I tried to walk away. But he didn't take his hand off my shoulder, but instead pulled me around so I could face him. And then he threw his fist into my stomach. I bent over in pain, coughing. "Ahh..." I moaned. It felt like his whole hand went all the way through my body and the feeling of thowing up came, but I tried to hold it down.

"Benny!" Roger screamed. "What the fuck are you doing?! What's your problem?! Just leave him alone!"

Benny turned and faced Roger. "I'm getting the feeling you like this little queer..." Then Roger was quiet. _Asshole! _I thought. That was the first negative thing I have ever thought about him, but it was right at the time. He just stood there, watching.

It took all my might to stand up straight again, and I did. With my best effort I turned my body around and tried to once again, walk away. "Where are you going?" asked Alex before kicking the back of my knee. Instantly I fell to the floor. _How can they be doing this in a school? Where the hell are all the teachers?_

"What are you guys trying to accomplish by beating Mark up? Huh?" Roger asked acting pissed.

I heard Benny laugh, and then I felt a sharp pain in my ribs. "Ahh!" That scream was louder than the other. _A teacher must've heard it._ Then I felt another on the other side. "Ah!" I moaned again. "Stop!" I pleaded.

"Benny!" Roger also yelled. But they just kept kicking my sides and my legs and even my head. I tried so hard to move my body away, but I couldn't. The pain was too much.

"Fucking queer!" Alex screamed and then kicked my nose. Blood poured out as I screamed. "Ahh!"

Then a sound poured over the whole school. "BRING!!!!!!!" The schools fire alarm was going off.

"Shit!" Benny screamed. "Come on!" and her ran away and Alex and the other jock followed, but Roger was no where in sight.

With every bone in my body aching I couldn't move a bit so I just layed there, blood pouring from my nose and bruises forming on my skin. My bones stung.

"Mark, come on! Get up!" velvet voice..."Mark! Mark!"

My eyes went blurry and I couldn't see and I couldn't make out anything Roger was saying. Then, everything went black.

* * *

I found myself coughing when I woke up, my vision still blurry. Then I heard a familiar voice. "Mark, Mark. Don't try to sit up. Just lay down."

"Collins..." I said.

"Just lay down okay, Mark?" Collins repeated.

So, I did as he said. After laying there for a couple moments, my vision came back and I didn't reconize my suroundings. I assumed I was in a hospital because I looked over and saw an IV sticking out of my arm and the room was all white. The room was covered in white walls and waiting chairs.

Collins stood at my side along with Angel. "Maureen, Joanne, and Mimi are in the waiting room," Angel said trying to make me feel better. I smiled. "Roger is too," she added.

"Oh my god...Why is he here?" I asked angry. _Why would he come here after what just happened? _

"Well, he said he wanted to talk to you when you woke up. So do you want to talk to him?"

I didn't know what to do or have any idea what he was gonna say, so I said and said,"Sure."

At that moment Collins and Angel walked out the room and a second later Roger was in the room. I can't imagine how I look and I really didn't want him to see me like this, but I had no choice, he was already there. He just stood by the closed door, staring at the floor, moving his feet a little. _Did he want me to say something? _

But I didn't. I mean, what was I going to say after what he did to me. I was thinking about starting to fight and bitch at him, but I felt to weak and groggy to do that, so I layed there, waiting. Then, after an eternity, Roger spoke. "I didn't give them the note. It fell out of my pocket and Benny picked it up and read it. I didn't know they were going to do that, I really didn't," he explained, but I didn't want to hear it.

"You know what Roger? Whatever. I don't even care okay?"

He came closer to the bed and placed his hands on the edge. "Mark, please listen to me okay?" I tilted my head to other side, not wanting to look at his beautiful face and his deep eyes. "What you wrote means a lot to me...and you know how much I like you. But this is exactly the reason I didn't want to be together. I knew something like this would happen."

"Yeah, and you didn't do anything to stop it did you?" I screamed this time staring into the green eyes.

"I tried! But I couldn't stop them from doing it, that's why I pulled the alarm. I knew they'd run then." His eyes, welled up with water.

"That was you?" I asked confused. "No..."

"I didn't mean for this to happen, Mark. Believe me I didn't. The note just fell and he grabbed it and..." Tears flowed from his eyes. "I'm soo sorry. So sorry Mark!" he cried.

At that moment all the pain and hatred I felt for him went away and I just wanted to stand up and put my arms around him and just hold him and tell him everything is okay, and I would've if I could've moved. I lifted my right hand and whiped the tears from his eyes and then he grabbed my hand and held it tight. "I'm so sorry..." he cried again quieter.

With a smile, I pulled his body twards mine putting his face only inches from mine. "Roger...Its okay, okay? Look at me, I'm fine. I'll survive."

He smiled with me. "Yes, you are fine." We both giggled through the tears. "Can I kiss you?"

My smile got even bigger and I chuckled even more. "You don't even have to ask." And he leaned in, our lips locking. Butterflies flapped their wings in my stomach and my whole body felt wonerful, the opposite than it felt before, at the school.

Then the door flung open, my mother standing in the door way. Roger flung himself away from me and headed out the door before I could stop him or say goodbye.

"Who was that Markie?," my mom asked trying to sound sly.

"No one mother," I groaned angry she ruined my moment with Roger. If she wouldn't have came in, I could've stayed there, with him...forever.

"Whatever you say Markiepoo..." she smiled and I melted into my sheets trying to hide from her smile.

All I did that night in the hospital was think about Roger. What did his kiss mean? How can he keep doing this to me? He tells me he doesn't want to be with me and he kisses me...and then leaves me...alone. But for some reason, I had a feeling that this time that wasn't going to happen and I really hoped my feeling was right.


	7. I'm Done

**Um...well this chapter is a rewrite but i don't think anyone read the first one anyways, so thats fine. well if u did, it follows the same story line so its not gonna be different, i just wanted to add some more detail into what happens so ya, well i might add more...i guess i'll write a bit and see if it takes me somewhere other than it did before...okay? ...just thought i'd let u all know that...**

A few days later I was out of the hospital and back home, but forced to stay in bed for two weeks due to several broken ribs and a fractured nose. I was on medecation, but it still hurt to move. Although I couldn't get out of bed it wasn't too bad. My mother and little brother and occasionly my dad, waited on me hand and foot. I really got pleasure out of forcing my brother to get me pop and make me food and wash my laundry.

My homework was brought me to do which sucked, but I guess it gave me something to do. Collins brought most of my homwork along with Angel and Joanne. And Roger brought Chemestry. I loved getting Chemestry homework. We really seemed to grow together through the past few days and I loved it. We never got any closer than him sitting on the edge of my bed though. We'd laugh and giggle and talk about our lives. But I couldn't help but think that the only reason he was talking to me, is because of what happened and he felt guilty, so I brought it up a few days later when he came to give me homework.

"Roger," I began.

"Yes?" he asked sitting at the edge of my bed by my feet staring at the floor.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked bravely.

His faced turned confused as he looked at me. "Doing what?"

"Well, coming over everyday."

Roger smiled. "To give you your homework, duh."

"No, no, no. That's not what I mean. I mean, why do you come over...and stay over, after you give me my homework."

Still smiling he replied. "Because I wanna talk to you. Is that bad?" His expression changed. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Roger, no. I don't want you to leave. I really don't want you to leave. It's just, do you talk to me because you feel guilty about what happened...or because you truely want to talk to me?"

Roger looked at his feet. "Truth?"

"Yeah, I want the truth." I began to regret that I had ever asked not want to hear him say that it was out of pity and guilt because I knew thats what was coming.

"At first it was, but now its not. I love spending time with you, Mark. You're nice and sweet and funny..." he paused, but I wished he would go on. I made believe in my head that he was flirting because that's what I really wanted. His answer was much better than what I thought it would be.

"Thank you." I said and stared into the eyes I love so much and he stared back.

"So when do you get to come back to school?"

_Damn! He changed the subject. _"Well about a week and a half. I can't wait to back to school and be with my friends...but, at the same time, I don't because...well Benny and his bitches."

"Oh yeah...They got suspended you know."

A smile came to my face. "I wish I could've seen their looks when the VP told them. How long?"

"Only two weeks," he frowned. "They would've gotten expelled if it was up to me, but our VP is a bigot so what can you expect?" Roger paused and looked away. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but he just stared at the door. "You know," he finally spoke. "I'm reallly sorry. You have no idea how bad I feel. I'm so sorry, Mark. Soo sorry."

By the way he spoke, I knew everything he was saying was true. "Has anyone ever told you, you say sorry too much?" I asked with a giggle.

"Only you..." He smiled.

We went on talking for a while, but soon he had to go pick up his sister. I hated seeing him leave, but it had to happen so we said goodbye and he left my room.

My bedroom fell silent as I stared to my cieling. I still had hours before I would go to bed..._What to do? What to do? _I asked myself. And then the lightbulb went off in my head. _I film a bit for my video diary. _So I looked around noticing my camera across the room on my dresser. I began to sit up and get out of bed, but I remembered, _I can't move..._

So once again, I laid there doing nothing, just thinking...thinking about Roger. He was all I really did think about. I really wished I could go to school and be able to see him, even a little bit. But I guess seeing him almost everyday after school was great, even though his stays weren't too long, but it was still wonderful.

The two weeks of laying on my back went by slowly and when it was over, I was greatful. Finally I was accually aloud to get out of bed. Days before the two weeks were over I felt well and able to move, but everytime I tried my mother would rush into the room. "No, no, no mister. Two weeks said the doctor and you must follow it." She'd say. The only time she would even let my move an inch, was when I had to go to the bathroom and even then, she insisted on holding and following me every step of the way, but I guess it was just because she cared.

But there was a good thing about my mom's over protective attitude; she made me get rides to school and the only person I could think of that went past my house in the morning was Roger, so I told him about my mom being a freak and me having to have a ride, and he of course said he would give me a ride.

So, on Monday, two weeks after the attack at school, I was getting ready to go back. Trying my best to look good since I knew I was seeing Roger, I woke up early. After cleaning my glasses, getting a nice outfit on, and brushing my teeth to a pure white, it felt like something was missing. I looked around my room and found an almost empty can of "Axe" on the ground. _Well, I have to smeel good. _I thought before spraying most of it all over my body. Realizing I sprayed a little too much, I coughed and gagged a bit. But didn't let it bother me.

"Okay, am I ready?" I asked myself looking in a mirror. Moving my face from side to side I decided I looked fine, but noticed something else..."Damn, I'm really white."

So, I headed down the steps and stood on my front stoop with my shoulder bag at my side and my scarf around my neck. About ten minutes of waiting, and Roger showed up in his truck.

"I already dropped Baby off at school," Roger said, when I hopped in. I nodded a bit acknoledging his statement. Silence filled the car and finally after about a few minutes of driving, Roger spoke. "So, are you excited? It's been a while since you been in school."

A great smile formed on my face. "Very, very, very excited. It's been way too long."

"Ya, I can't imagine. It must've been so boring being at home all day and night."

"It was, it was..."

"What's that smell?" Roger asked sniffing the air.

Oh my god...I put too much on. "Um...Axe."

He began to laugh. "Put enough on?"

"I guess I did." I blushed mortified.

Roger placed is eyes on me. "You know," he said, taking his hand from the wheel and placing it on the top of mine. The warmth stunned my body running a kind of electric shock through me. At that moment I blushed even more. "You're cute when you're embarassed, Mark." The blushing formed even more and I could feel my whole face turn beat red.

Too bad we were only only a few minutes from the school. When we pulled up, Roger pulled his hand right away and practically raced out the car, over to his friends. I took a deep breathe and sighed.

I saw my friends standing twards the front doors and I headed tward them. "MARKIE!!!" Maureen, Mimi, and Angel all screamed at once running tward me, while Joanne and Collins slowly trailed behind. The three girl slammed their arms around me squeezing me tightly. "I missed you," Angel said, with the rest of the group agreeing.

"How have you been?" Collins asked.

"And why does your face look so flushed? Have you been blushing, Markie?" Angel added.

"Were you riding with Roger?" Mimi asked.

"Too many questions?" Joanne wondered.

I gave a sacastic glare at her. "Okay...well I'm good, I have been blushing, I was riding with Roger, and yes...Too many questions," I answered quickly.

Then the bell rang and our catching up came too an end. My first few classes were spent thinking about Roger, as usual. He was the most confusing person I have ever met. The way he would kiss me or hold my hand and then leave as quickly as it began, just made me go crazy. What was the point of it? Did you really like me? Was he just leading me on? I hoped he wasn't leading me on.

Nothing happened in Chemestry today. Same as usual; Rgoer sitting in front of me and me just staring, wishing he would turn to talk to me, but it didn't happened. And when class was over, he ran out before I could even give him a simple "hello".

Lunch was fun though. We spent the time talking about what had happened at school while I was gone and how Alex and Benny were bound for a beating when they came back, even though we all knew we would accually never do anything. We couldn't...It'd be hypocritical.

Finally when the day ended, I looked for Roger so he could give me a ride home at his truck. After about ten minutes of waiting he finally showed up.

"Hey," he said, getting into the car and starting it.

"Hey," I replied.

"Do you wanna come over?" he asked randomly after a while of driving. "I don't have to pick up Baby because she is heading to a friend's house so we can just hang out there...alone, and uh, just do whatever."

To me it sounded like Roger was hitting on me...and I liked it. "Of course I do." I answered honestly.

Roger grinned. "Okay." So we headed to his house. When we went inside, it was the same as it was weeks ago: simple and easy and I really liked that.

"So...You wanna watcha movie. I know, we don't seem to have much stuff, but we accually have a big collection of DVDs."

"Sure, that'd be nice." I replied.

So I followed Roger into his living room. He opened a closet and showed me what was inside. He was right. Tons of DVDs were piled up. For quite a while we went throught the selections and finally chose a movie that I had never seen, but that Roger reasured me was good, "Saw." I don't exactly like scary movies, especially ones with lots of blood, but I guess I could deal with it since it ment spending time with Roger.

Roger turned out the lights and put the movie in. It wasn't so bad, but at every gorry parrt, I gagged and covered my eyes. That made Roger laugh. "It's just a little blood," he'd say. And I'd just shake my head.

Durning about the first half hour we were distant on totally different edges of the couch, but gradually we came closer. Finally, we got even closer to each other, our shoulders touching. Casually, Roger rested his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer, but without even looking at me. It was comforting. I felt safe there, resting my body in his arms. I could barley focus on the movies with his body touching mine and with the sensation buzzing around floating through my body. I was hoping the movie would never end if it ment more time sitting here, with Roger at my side.

Then, without any warning, Roger titled my head and planted a gentle kiss on my mouth. It felt so right and comfy...so I kissed back wishing this moment would never end.

But it did. "I'm sorry," he said pulling away quick. "I shouldn't've done that...I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" I asked confused. "For kissing me? Don't be..."

"Its just-just-just that..." he stuttered. "That I don't want to lead you on, Mark..."

Angry filled me. "What the fuck? Didn't want to lead me on? Isn't it a little late for that?" I screamed in his face.

As he alwasy does in uncomfertable situations, he stared at the ground ingnoring my questions. "I'm sorry..." he muttered again.

"What is your problem?!" I asked still screaming."How can you even say that? You kiss me and then you tell me you don't want to lead me on...How does that work?"

"It's just..." he whispered still staring at the floor, avoiding my stare. Then he paused.

"Roger! Just what?"

"It's just...I really like you...I mean, _really _like you." he mumbled as if he didn't want me to hear.

I lost my breathe. None of this made sence. He does all this stuff that makes it seem like he likes me and then he even says it, but then he says he doesnt want to lead me on... Then I got it...It was like before. Roger said he liked me, but he didn't want to be my boyfriend. Roger didn't want to be beaten up like I was, and didn't want to lose who everyone thought he was. The king of the school, the ladies man, the guy with the best life. "Why do you make this so hard," I asked, not angry anymore...just dissapointed

"I don't think. I mean, I do what I feel. I feel love for you Mark...so I do what my heart says, but then, I remember, I can't be doing it...so I stop, even though I don't want to." Then he looked into my eyes that were welling with tears.

I have heard this for what seemed like a million times, but it still hit me hard...right in the chest, right in my heart. "It doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to stop."

"Yes, I do. You just don't get it Mark."

Shaking my head, I replied,"Oh I get it Roger. I get that you'd rather pretend to be something you're not so you can have assholes like Benny be your friends and so you can have girls, that you aren't even attrackted to, hanging on you, than be yourself...with someone you love, and with someone who loves you."

"Mark..." he pleaded, but I didn't care. I was sick of it. I was sick of him acting like he wanted to be with me, then telling me he didn't.

"I don't care Roger. I'm over this...I'm over you. I don't want to be around someone like you, someone who would hurt the person he says he loves just becuase he cares about what other people think. Goodbye Roger," I finished standing up and walking tward the door.

Those were the hardest steps of my life...Walking away from the man I loved, to never be with him again, but I didn't want to beplayed with. I was done with that. I was done with him...no matter how much it hurt just walking away, I did, and I didn't even look back.

Now he can stare at the back of my head...and wish.

**Post::: okay, okay, okay. Everything went kinda good I guess. I liked how I wrote it. I know this is kinda depressing and it has been fer like ever, but i promise, next chapter will be much much better, okay? sound good? okay good. Oh, and yes, I know, Mark being all assertive and junk is weird, but how would u feel? okay...ya**

**Oh, and I realized something. In my story its April, almost May, and in earlier chapters I said that it was snowing and cold and winter...So I made a kindaveryextremelymajor mistake, but w/e. i bet no one noticed it anyways...so ya, but sorry for that.**

**I might not proof read this cuz im just a very lazy person so ya, don't mind errors plz!oh and...REVEIWS PLZ!!! i love knowing what people think, even if it is bad...but i liek it better when its notbad, lol. but thank you!**

**Rachel**


	8. Buts and Ands

Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks. School went on. Life went on. Time went on. Everything just kept going and I tried to keep up, but it's hard when the past keeps pulling you back, making you remember. Sometimes I feel like I'm just drowning, like I'm stuck and there is nowhere else to go. I just keep thinking about that night and everything that happened and how I wish I could change it somehow, for the better. But then I know I can't...so I get pulled deeper and deeper until I hit the bottom, where I just break down and lose myself. But no matter how terrible the feeling is and how far down I am, I find the courage to get back up to the top, and keep going.

So on and off for weeks, I'd break down and lose contact with the world, but it wouldn't last long. I get on with life and I stop thinking about the past and what "would've" "could've" "should've" happened and I head forward, to what is going to happen and do what I can to make that as good as possible.

But not matter how much I tried not to the think of the past, it kept creeping up. I'd pass Roger in the halls and he'd look at me. He'd try to look in my eyes. But I wouldn't look at him. I couldn't. If I did, if I looked into his eyes, the eyes that I loved, everything I felt before would come back and I would go back to drowning in the past and I didn't want that to happen. It couldn't. So everytime Roger looked at me, I stared at the floor or looked away. Everytime he turned around in Chemestry to talk I'd stare at my notes consintrating on not hearing his voice. And everytime he gave me a note, I'd wouldn't read it. I'd ripp it up and throw it away. The past wasn't something I wanted to face and everytime he did one of those things, it would come back and so I had to get rid of it.

I know all he wanted to do was make things better. But making things better would just make them worse. Being his friend and hanging out with him would just make me want more and make believe that he really did like me and want to be with me, which both of us knew deep down, could never happen..._would_ never happen.

* * *

A few days after I got back to school, so did Benny and his posse. Benny "accidently" slamming his shoulder into mine during passing time and muttering some sort of insult under his breathe, became routine. Occasionally Collins, Maureen, or whoever I was walking with, would say something back, but I never did. I didn't let it bother me. I am who I am and I'm not going to change that so those assholes will stop bugging me.

Roger walked with them somtimes when they said something, but he never spoke up or told them to stop. Well, I guess I didn't really expect him to. I mean, why would he? We have nothing to do with each other anymore.

* * *

"Hey, whats up?" Maureen asked as I shut my locker. None of my friends liked me walking to any of my classes alone because Benny was back at school, so it was Maureens duty to walk me to French since we shared that class.

"Nothing," I replied as we began to walk. "Nothing exciting ever happens here."

"Well duh!" Maureen exclaimed.

As we walked I glanced over and saw Roger walking. As I always did when he passed me in the hall, I stared at the ground. But this time was different. Instead of just walking past me, he stopped in front of me. Maureen and I stopped too. Not waiting to look, but forcing myself to, I stared at him, his face blank of emotion. "Here," he said handing me a note. I just threw it in my pocket and began to walk again, Maureen at my side. "Mark!" Roger called. I turned around and and gave him a questioning look. "Please read it. It'd mean a lot to me. Please." I didn't know what to do. _Should I read it? Is it worth reading? _So, I just gave him a blank/undecided look and began walking again.

"You know," Maureen said. _Ugh...I know shes gonna say something about it_ I thought _It's none of her buissness_. "You really should read it. He said it'd mean a lot to him."

I gave her a strange look. "Are you rooting for Roger now or something?"

She shook her head. "I'm rooting for whatever makes you happy...and I know, deep down, Roger makes you happy. Those days you talked to him and hung out with him, you glowed, Mark."

Sighing, I knodded. Maureen was right. Roger did make me happy. Everytime we talked my body filled with butterflies and I felt so relax and anxious. So, I decided to read the note. I mean, what harm could it do?

After we arrived in French and sat at the back, I opened the note and began to read while Mr.Larson mummbled some stuff about France to the class.

_Mark,_

_It means a lot to me that you're reading this, if you are. I just want to let you know that. But thats not all I want to let you know. I wanna let you know that you're all I think about and I miss you so much. I know you're angry, and I'm sorry for making you feel that way, but whatever happened to you saying you'd wait for me and be there for me? but I guess I shoudld've never assumed that would be forever...And I shouldn't have you wait. I should be here for you...and I want to. I want to be here for you now...and always. So please Mark. Just let me talk to you in person because there is much more I want to say. Please, just let me have a second of your time. Please._

_Love,_

_Roger _

Wow...the note hit me hard. It wasn't what I expected at all, but it wasn't bad. I was happy to have read and glad Maureen told me too.

But what should I do next? I guess I should just wait until class or the day is over to talk to him. But what more could he have to say? But I guess that's all I could do, wait.

So, I did. And it felt like forever, but finally, the day did end. Searching the halls, I found him at his locker, but he wasn't alone. Benny, of course ust _had_ to be there. _Should I go up there? _I asked myself. _Was Roger worth being beaten up over...again? _I thought about it, then took a deep breathe and walked up.

Benny looked at me confused. "Yeah faggot?"

Roger turned from his open locker. "Do you really have to do that?"

Benny still looking confused, asked innocently,"Do what?"

"Be an asshole?"

Then he laughed. "Duh."

Roger rolled his eyes and went back to stuffing his books away. I felt like a third wheel standing there in a place I didn't belong and around people I didn't belong with. But still I stayed.

"I have to go. The homoness of this area is getting to me," Benny said looking at me. Then he turned to Roger. "See ya." Roger just nodded an unspoken goodbye as I stood there.

"I'm sorry about him. He's just an asshole," Roger told me after shutting his locker.

I rolled my eyes. "Then why are you friends with him?" I asked snotty.

"Look," he groanded staring in my eyes. His hold kept me locked. "You don't know how it is, okay?"

Once again, I rolled my eyes. "How what is?"

"That's exactly what I mean..." Then he turned around and began to walked tward the doors. All I could do was follow.

When we got out to his car, he got in. Was I suposed to too? So, like a retarded, I stood outside his truck. "Are you gonna get in?" he asked. I nodded a little and hopped in the passenger's seat. "You wanna come over?"

Knowing it was stupid and knowing something bad was going to happen, I wanted to say no. But when my mouth opened to say it, the words,"Yes, I do want to," came out. Thankfully Roger smiled which made a spark go off in my stomach and I knew I had said the right thing.

Before we could go to his house, we had to pick up Baby, his sister, at her elementry school. "Marrrrrk!" she screamed when she got into the car. Roger and I smiled and laughed at bit. After picking her up we headed to Roger's. Even though I had been away from his house for so long, nothing had changed. Everything was still the same, the way I liked it.

"Can we play a game?" Baby asked with an innocent look. "I know! Can we play Twister?!"

Roger looked at me, his facing asking me if I wanted to play. I nodded. "Sounds like fun." So Baby ran off to go fetch the game and me and Roger were alone, in his living room, on his couch, again. It felt like a right time, so I asked,"What else did you want to talk about?"

Roger looked away from me. "Well...It's just that...Um...Well...Uh..."

"What's this?" Baby asked running into the room. I heard Roger breathe a sigh of relief.

"Whats what?" he asked. Baby looked at him and showed him what was in her hand. "Where did you get that?" he asked sternly.

"I found it on the kitchen table. What is it Roger?" she asked again.

Ignoring her question Roger replied,"Go put it back where you found it...Now."

And Baby, ignoring his order, replied,"But what is it?"

This time Roger raised his voice. "It doesn't matter Baby. Just go put it back...Now!" His sister's eyes filled with tears as she ran back to where she had found it.

Then I looked at Roger with a strange look. "Was that a..." I paused.

Roger became deffensive. "Its my mom's crackpipe, okay? Not mine. I don't do that shit. I'm not that retarded." Then he looked away again and took a deep breathe. This time, with a softer voice, he spoke. "Baby's really sensative. She cries a lot. That's one reason we call her Baby. I think she gets it from her mom. Now shes prolly in the kitchen pouting at the table. I gotta go get her. I'll be right back." Then he got up from the couch and went down the hall, which left me with my thoughts.

_Wow, Roger's mom does that. _Then I thought about my own mother and pictured her doing drugs. The imagine wouldn't set with me. I thought about all my other friends mothers too, but all of them seemed too...too motherly, I guess. I couldn't picture someone's mother doing that kind of stuff. Aren't mothers suposed to set an example? Aren't mothers suposed to use their money to provide for their kids? Not on drugs?

But Roger's mom didn't provide for her kids. I remembered talking to Roger one of those days that I was in bed sick, and him telling me about how there was never any food so he had to scrape up money to buy a can of soup or something cheap, but I never once thought that was his mother's fault. I never assumed that his mother was the reason they didn't have food. But I guess, every single time I came over, his mother was never here so how could she provide when she wasn't even in the household.

"Sorry about that," Roger said when he got back. "Baby's being a brat so she went up to her room to go play with dolls or something. What do you want to do? You wanna watch a movie?" he asked.

"I wanna talk to you," I replied.

"Okay, talk."

"Well," I began,"When I said _I _wanted to talk I kinda ment, I wanted _you _to talk." I said trying to get back to our earlier conversation.

"Well...Um...Well...You see...I...Um...Well."

"I already heard that part!" I chuckled a little. "Please, just come out and say it okay?"

"Well," he said again turning away, but this time I turned him back so he was looking into my eyes. "I kinda sorta a little a lot somewhat kinda...um...love you." Then he turned away. I heard this before, but not like this. This time he sounded like a love-struck teenager, but I guess that's what he is...

Once again I turned him tward me so he was looking at me. "But??" I asked confused. There was always a but. And then my stomach sank like it had before and the butterflies sworming in my stomach dissapeared and all there was was emptiness.

"There's no 'But's Mark," he said, staring into my eyes this time, and it seemed like he was serious, but I couldn't believe him. It was too good to be true. "There is always 'But's," I replied.

Roger shook his head and his golden hair. "Not this time. I'm telling you I love you and there is not 'But's. There's 'And's though, but not 'But's."

"'And's?" I asked confused.

"Well, I love you AND I want to be with you."

The emptiness in my stomach filled again with even more butterflies and my whole body tingled. "That's only one 'And'."

He smiled, which made the tingling worse, but made me feel a lot better. "Okay, I love you AND I want to be with you AND I don't care who knows...Is that enough 'And's for you?"

"Yes, that's enough for me." Then Roger leaned in and the sensation of his kissed filled my body. Was this really happening? How could this be happening? The last time I was here, I was heartbroken, sad, and depressed...and this time, I'm smiling, happy, and in love.

I spent the whole day with him and it seemed too good. It had to be a dream. But everytime he kissed me, it felt so real. And thankfully, it was.

When he took me home, I got a goodnight kiss and it was better than any of the others before. He held and we sat there with our lips touching and our tounges for what seemed like forever, but he pulled away before I wanted him to. "I gotta go," he said. "I can't leave Baby home alone too long."

I sighed, but he was right. "I don't want you to go."

Roger's smile was again made me glow. "I know. I don't want to. But I have to. I'll see you later, okay?" Then he grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a warm hug. "I love you," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too." And before I knew it, he was gone. But I knew this time, that I would see him again.

**Mkay...All better right? Ya. I knew the whole -Roger's mom is a crack addict- thing was weird, but I needed to have mark find that out some way and who other than innocent little Baby to bring that up, right? um...okay...sure. This chapters not very long but i hope you like. I can't really give you a headsup on the next cuz idk what its funna be about yet, so it'll be a suprise fer everyone. so ya, love the reviews. um...so i think im done now. thnx to whoever read this! woohoo for you. so ya, byee.**

**oh and i hope you didn't get confuzzled about all the confusing "But" and "And" stuff...**

**Rachella**


	9. Tongue Tying

Roger and I spent the whole weekend together. We just did random things such as bring his sister to the park, watch movies, and of course, kiss. I wished the weekend would never end, but it had to, and it did.

But then I realized. _I haven't even told anyone that me and Roger are together. _So I rushed to the phone Sunday night when I arrived home after a movie and kisses with Roger. But then I thought harder. _Would Roger get angry if I told my friend?. I mean, he said he wanted to be with me, but that sounds too good to be true. _So instead of dialing Collins common number, I dialed Roger's.

After three rings he picked up, his sweet soft voice saying,"Hello?"

"Hey, Roger, it's mean. Can I talk to you?" I asked. Following those three words was usually conflict for couples so I tried not to worry Roger. "It's nothing bad. I just have to ask you something."

"That's fine. Shoot," he replied with his velvet voice.

"Well," I began hoping that this didn't cause a fight. "Is it okay if I tell my friends about you, well, I mean, about us?"

"Mark. Tell whoever you want, whatever makes you happy." This brought a smile to my face.

"Thanks. I love you, Roger."

"I love you too." And that's where our conversation ended. Roger had to go make super for him and Baby, and I had to do my homework that I had thrown aside when the weekend started.

While I was writing an essay for English 11 Honors, all I could think about was Roger and the wonderfull times we had over the past few days. It was great just being with him and holding him and just having him in my arms. I couldn't've asked for more.

Finally I finished my homework and looked at the clock. It read 11:34. _Damn. I gotta get to bed. _So I threw of my clothes and with only boxers, snuggled into bed. As I layed, I wished Roger was there to cuddle with. These thoughts and fantasies kept me up for what seemed like ever, but finally I fell asleep.

My alarm woke me. Quickly, I shot up to end the annoying sound and get ready for school. It took me a long time to find an outfit I thought looked good enough for Roger. Then I ran into the bathroom, noticing that I only had another ten minutes before Roger showed up at my door, spiked my hair, brushed my teeth, and sprayed Axe all over my body. Then I rushed down stairs saying a quick goodbye to my mom and father.

"You smell like shit," my brother groaned as he sat at the table eating cereal.

"Fuck you," I replied back.

"What did I tell you boys about using that languege?" my mother asked.

The two of us ignored her and I ran out the front door and sat on my stoop. A few minutes later Roger showed up. I hopped into the normal passenger's seat and we were off to school.

"So, did you tell your friends about us?" Roger asked randomly.

"Not yet," I said. "I had to finish my homework."

"Psh... I didn't even do mine."

I gave him a weird look. "Why not?"

"Why would I?" he asked giving me a look like I was crazy.

"Um...Maybe to get good grades," I replied.

"Good grades for what?" he asked annoyed.

So I answered another obvious question. "For your future..."

With a fake chuckle he repeated,"Future..."

"Am I bothering you?" I asked noticing the edge in his voice when he spoke.

"Whatever Mark. Let's just not talk about this okay?"

And then we were at school ending our conversation and as he had before, Roger ran of to his friends, so I just headed to mind. But when I looked around, I only saw Collins so I walked up to him. "Where is everybody?" I asked.

"Well, Angel and Maureen have a History test today, so they skipped, Joanne...Um...I think she is in the library studing for that test, and everyone else is always late, so it's just you and me," Collins replied.

I sighed. "Well I guess they don't get to hear my big news."

Collins looked at me raising his eyebrow. "Big news?" he questioned.

"Well," I smiled. "Me and Roger are together."

On his face formed a gaint grin. "Together? Like going out?" he asked. I nodded my head still smiling. "Then why isn't he over here with you. I mean, it doesn't look like you're together."

My smile faided. It really didn't look like we were together. I mean, we came in the same car, but I supose that doesn't spell "Couple" flat out. "Well," I tried to explain. "He acted like he was angry at me about something in the car so I guess he just needed get away from me."

Collins shrugged and so did I. "Well, we should celebrate!" he exclaimed. "With everybody!"

My grin reapeared. "That'd be nice. But I don't want to like push Roger to hard or make him uncomfertable." I explained my doubts.

Collins just rolled his eyes. "C'mon. How 'bout we just get everyone at your house tonight and we can hang out."

"My house?" I hated those words. I hated that place. It's just so boring and lifeless there with no excitement ever.

"Yeah," he replied. "Like we can just hang out in your basement and eat like we did for your b-day, but no presents."

I frowned and gave Collins my puppy-dog face. "No presents?"

He just laughed. "So its a date?"

"Sure..."

Just then the bell rang and we headed into the school. We went on talking about today after school and decided no one would say a word about me and Roger and let it be a suprise. I didn't think it would be that hard to keep it a secret, but it was. When Maureen asked me what was new (when she came to school after her History period was over), the words "I'm with Roger" almost burst out of my mouth, but I swallowed them back down and replied with a lie, "Nothing."

At lunch, when the whole group was sitting and eating and chatting about random things, it was so hard to hold the words back, especially when I was inviting everyone to hang out of at my house. For Collins it seemed the same. I think it was because he was so happy for me. He'd been my friend for a long time and he knew how much I liked Roger and how much I wanted to be with him, and now that it was acually happening, he was glad. Now he could stop hearing all those "I wish me and Roger were together" statements and now hear "I'm so happy me and Roger are together," ones.

Finally Chemesty came and I asked Roger if he wanted to come over to hang out with me and my friends. I also told him that it's suposed to be some kind of congradulations party for the two of us. Thankfully his on edge attitude went away, and he said yes. Baby was also going to a friend's house so he didn't have to worry about picking her up after school.

But then I got scared. I remember how weird my friends are. _Hopefully their sometimes intimidating and wild attitudes wouldn't make him uncomfertable_. And then I got scared again. My mother... _I know! I'll just hide all the photo albums of me when I was younger so she can't show them to Roger...no, better yet...I'll throw them in the fireplace! _

Finally the day was over and my friends shuffled into vehicles to get to my house. When we arrived, I forced them to stay out in the cold so I could go in and ask my mother if I could have a few friends over.

"Mommy," I said sweetly when I reached her in the kitchen. She was baking and it filled the house. Chocolate chip cookies!

"Yes dear?," she said while begining to make another batch of cookie dough.

"Um...Can a friend come over? Well, two...Or three...Or...Six?" I asked.

"Sure sweety. Just stay downstairs and try not to be too loud because you know how your father gets." Yeah, I knew how he got. If we were loud he would bust through the door screaming, ordering everyone to get out of _his _house. He had done it before.

"Okay," I said leading everyone downstairs. "Be quiet!" I ordered. So one by one they followed me down the steps to the place we usually hung out when anyone was over. Roger right behind me, then Collins, Angel, Mimi, Maureen, and then Joanne.

At first we didn't really do anything, but a little while later we began to warm up to each other and I thought it was ready to tell everyone about me and Roger. So I stood up and began. "Well...The reason I asked you guys to come over was-"

"Does anyone want some fresh bake cookies!" My mother called down the steps interupting me. Everyone raced up the steps the get their hands on some, except me and Maureen. We just sat next to each other on the couch. "Why aren't you eating any cookies," I asked Maureen trying to start a conversation. I knew she loved them.

"Well," she said. "I'm on a diet. I need to loose some pounds. I"m getting chunky."

I laughed at her at looked at her body. It was perfect. No chunkyness at all. "What are you talking about? You have a great body! Look at that tiny stomach and thin thighs. You don't have to lose a pound. You have it all!" Then I realized something. It sounded like I was flirting which is something I always did with Maurene, but this time it was different. I felt guilty, as if I was cheating so I quickly shut my mouth even though there was much more I could've said about her great body.

Maureen rolled her eyes and smiled a little bit. "Well I guess you're right! Oh, but what were you saying before? I wanna hear why you invited us here." she said excited.

"Well, I have good news. Roger and I are together and I love him so much!!!"

Her jaw dropped and a huge smile crossed her pretty face. "Oh my god Markie! That's great!" And before I knew it, she jumped on my lap and planted a kiss right on my mouth.

"What the fuck?" I heard a voice say. Quickly I flung Maureen off of me. I knew what this looked like, but it wasn't that at all.

"Roger!" I called after him as he ran back up the steps. When we reached the kitchen I tried to explain. "It's not what it looks like!"

Roger stopped and turned to me. "Oh so you weren't making out with Maureen?" he asked in a snobby voice.

"You were making out with Maureen?!" Joanne groaned in my face.

"No!" I said screaming back at her then turning to Roger. "I was telling her that we're together!"

"You're together?" Angel and Mimi asked at the same time.

"Not anymore!" Roger screamed and began walking again.

I didn't want to see him leave so I tried my best to stop him. "Roger! Let me explain. I was telling her we're together!" I repeated.

Once again he stopped and turned looking in my eyes. "Oh, you must be talented," he said calmly and then screamed in my face,"I never met someone who could speak while their tongue was rapped around someone elses!"

"That's not even how it is!" I screamed back. I didn't care if my father got angry about the noise. Defending myself was much more important than not getting him angry. "I told her I loved you!"

"Oh, okay! I get it now," he said. "So while you two were TONGUE TYING, you were explaing your love for me. Gee, that makes SOO MUCH SENCE!"

"You were tongue tying?!" Joanne groaned.

"We weren't tongue tying," Maureen butted in. I didn't even know she was upstairs. "My tongue barley went into his mouth."

"What?!" Joanne screamed.

This night that was suposed to be for fun, ends up in disaster. GREAT! ... Roger and I were fighting our first real fight and Joanne and Maureen were fighting another fight, while Mimi, Collins, and Angel watched. This really was not how I expected this to go. I expected fun, games, and maybe kissing between me and Roger...not disaster, war, and kissing between me and Maureen.

Then Roger once again turned to leave. "Roger," I cried running after him. By now he was in the other room, with no other people. I grabbed his arm and turned him so he was staring into my eyes. "Roger," I repeated. "I love Maureen..."

"Then why don't you go fuck her then!" he screamed, but still I held his arm so he couldn't turn. Calmly I replied. "Let me finish...I love Maureen, but no way does her love compare to the love I feel for you, Roger. I mean, when I kissed her, I didn't feel a thing, like a kiss from my mom. But when I kiss you, my world explodes and I just feel so content like I never want to leave."

"You're lying," he assumed. But I knew he knew I was telling the truth. His body became less tense and resistet.

Then I grabbed his face in my hands. "You know I'm not. I love you, and I'm sorry."

He sighed. "I know Mark...I know."

I smiled and planted a light kiss on his cheek. Then holding hands we walked back to the kitchen. "Well I guess by now you all know that we're together," I said to the group. They chuckled a little and smiled. Then I looked over at Maureen. She was holding Joanne from behind whispering in her ear. I knew that they would make up. They always do.

So finally, after all the drama, we went back in the basement and I hoped we could find something fun to do. Of course crazy out going Mimi had an idea. "Lets play truth or dare!"

Maureen's face lit up. "Yes, great idea!"

Collins groaned. "Fine."

"Oh, honey. It'll be fun!" Angel reasured grabbing his and making a circle on the floor. "C'mon Mark! Roger!"

Sighing we sat down making the circle bigger. "So whose gonna go first?" Maureen asked.

"I will!" Mimi jumped to the occasion. Maureen nodded.

Mimi thought for a second. "Truth or Dare...Mark!"

I groaned. "Why me? Can't I just watch?" Roger laughed at my pout.

"No! Just pick one!"

So, I rolled my eyes and picked the typical Mark pick. "Truth..."

"No fair!" Maureen whined. "You always pick thruth!"

Collins leaned tward me and mummbled. "These girl get so into this game..."

Mimi sat there as if she was thinking. "Okay, okay. Are you virgin?"

Collins burst out filling the whole room in laughter. "Look at the boy," he said through his chuckles pointing at me. "What do you think?"

"Fuck you," I said glaring at him. Then I faced Mimi. "A happy one!"

This made Collins laugh even harder. "You're funny man!"

Once again I glared. "That's okay," Roger said pulling me by his side with a smile. "I guess I'll just have to break you in then." I felt my cheeks flush red.

"Woohoo!" Angel and Mimi cheered, which made Roger giggle, but only made me blush even more.

Then we went on with our game. It was my turn and I picked Roger asking him the same thing I was asked out of curiosity. His answer was a no, of course. But what could I expect. He is beautifully handsome Roger Davis.

For about a half hour we played that game. Then our group decided to watch a movie. Collins and Angel quickly called the couch with Maureen and Joanne on the loveseat. So I rested on floor leaning against Roger and cuddling during it.

But time went fast and it was time to leave. By about 7:30 everyone was gone, so I went to work on my homework. The whole time I thought about Roger like I always did, barley able to work. I thought about Maureen's kiss for a little...but I thought about Roger's the whole night dreaming and fantasizing for more.

**Okay, ya. A lot lot lot of dialogue in this one, but everyone had a lot to say. It went kinda fast, but that's how I write, filled with flaws. But ya...I hope you like it. I'm still wishing for reveiws, as usual. **

**Next chapter::: um...Mark spends the night at Roger's and gets it meet his mother. Woohoo...but not really. its gonna be kinda bad, but not tooo terrible I guess. but it'll be ur opinion when ya read it.**

**thnx homies! **


	10. No Day But Today

**Okay, I didn't like the last chapter, but being the lazy person I am, I'm toooo lazy to make a rewrite. But I do like this one. It ends good with everyone happy. Hope you like it! 8D**

**Oh an I lied before...Sorry! xD This one isn't Mark spending the night at Roger's, that'll be next chapter.**

That week of school went by fast and before I knew it, it was the weekend. Wondering if Roger wanted to make plans, I walked the halls of Parker High to head to his locker. Of course, with the bad luck that runs through my veins, Benny was in veiw. Before I could rush to the other side of the hallway his arm slammed into my shoulder almost knocking me over. "Fag," he mummbled under his breathe, but making sure I could hear. I wanted so bad just to turn him around, make him look into my eyes, and make him understand that I was a human being too, but I knew that was only a wish. But that wasn't my only wish. I wished that I had the strengthe to take my fist and slam it in his face, and acually do some damage.

Trying to ingnore my hatred for Benny, I kept walking focusing on my destination: Roger.

The halls seemed extra busy today, or maybe I just never noticed the comosion. There was tons of students rushing to their lockers, casually walking out the doors, and just talking to friends. As I looked at some of the students, I realized that each clique looked the same wearing the same stuff with the same style. Then I looked at myself. I didn't wear the baggy pants and ghetto hats that the "cool" kids wore. And I didn't wear the tight jeans and skater shoes that the "emo" kids wore. And I deffinetly didn't wear the mini skirts and tube tops that the "preps" did. I didn't seem to fit in anywhere.

High school has so many cliques. Theres the "cool" kids, the "emo" kids, the "preps", the "jocks", the "geeks", and a thousand more cliques. ...And then there was me and my friends. We didn't fit in anywhere. We have Maureen, the diva drama queen who wants to make a name for herself. We have Joanne, the timid over-achieving planner. We have Angel, the creative outgoing drag queen with an expressive personality. Then theres Collins, the kind caring sarcastic man with the hat. Mimi, the crazy wild outgoing girl with a lot of spice. The newest memeber, Roger, the extremely cute rocker whose every move made me smile. And then me, the shy filmer thats in love with the cute rocker. We're all extremley different, but maybe thats why we fit together. Then I realized what clique we belonged to, the "rejects". But to me, that wasn't a bad thing. That just ment I was who I wanted to be, and not a part of the mainstream.

Rapped up in my thoughts, I found myself walking past Roger's locker and I probably would have kept going if I didn't hear my name being called. "Mark!"

"Oh, hey, whats up?" I asked reaching Roger.

He gave me a strange look and I could tell he was trying to read my expression. "Is something wrong?"

"No...I guess my thinking face and my sad face look alike..." I replied.

Roger chuckled. "What were you thinking about?"

I shook my head. "Nothing." And with that conversation over, Roger started a new one asking me if I wanted to come over and spend the night. "Of course I do."

Roger smiled. "I knew I was irresistable." I smiled along with him. He was right. He is irresistable. Everything he did made him that way. The way he talked, the way he walked, the way he smiled, the way he laughed...everything about him was simple irresistable. And I found myself staring at him not even thinking about moving. "Are we gonna go to my house?" he asked.

My face flushed with redness. "Yeah...Sorry."

He just laughed at me and the to of us began to walk out the door. I looked around at the students again, but not looking at the cliques, looking at the couples. It seemed like every couple in the hall at that time, was holding their boyfriend's or girlfriend's hand and showing they were together and that they loved each other... at least for the moment. I mean, this was high school. Not many relasionships go past high school. I didn't want that to happen to me and Roger, but still I wished I could switch places with them for once. Being able to hold the hand of the person I loved with out being criticized or hasseled, we be great.

Then I looked down at Roger's hand, hanging at his side next to mine. I wished I had the guts to grab it and feel the sensation I feel everytime I do. And I almost did, but I thought about Roger. He would want that. I mean, he liked holding my hand, he was always the one to grab mine first, but not in public. He still wasn't ready to face the world and I was okay with that. I didn't want to preasure him, so no matter how hard it was not to, I didn't grab his hand.

"Do you know where Angel is?" Collins asked stopping me and Roger.

I shook my head no. "I think I saw him by the pop machines in the cafeteria," Roger said. Obviously we had gone right past Angel and I hadn't even noticed.

"Her," I said.

"Huh?" Roger asked, obviously confused.

"You think you saw _her _by the pop machines," Collins corrected once more answering his question.

Roger looked down. I could tell he was embarassed by the way his cheeks turned beat red. "Sorry..._her,"_ he repeated still looking down.

"Naw, it's fine." Collins titled his head and looked behind me. "Here she comes now."

Both me adn Roger turned around and spotted Angel skipping with a bottle of soda in each hand. "I got you one too," she said when she reached Collins handing him the Pepsi in her right hand.

Collins grabbed it and looked at her. "Thank you baby," he said. Then pulled her in and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Homos," I heard someone grumbled as they went by. I turned to see who it was.

Of course, one of the Benny's little bitches. "I hate them," I groaned turning back and facing Collins and Angel with Roger at my side.

Collins made a face and shruged his shoulders. "Ah, whatever. They just jealous cause I got me a sexy girl at my side." I looked over at Roger. His face wasn't red anymore and I hoped he was becoming more comfertable with my friends. "We gotta go," Collins said. "I'm taking Angel shopping." She giggled. Collins just rolled his eyes. "Girls and their shopping..." Then, holding hands, they left.

"Wow, they're amazing," Roger said as we began to walk again.

"What do you mean," I asked, still wishing I could hold his hand in mine.

"How they kiss and hold hands and are acually _together._ It's just amazing." He explained.

I nodded. "I know. It really is."

We walked out the school doors and reached his truck and got in. But we didn't leave. We just sat there in the parkinglot out side of the school. I guess he was too wrapped up in his thoughts."Aren't they affraid?"

I sighed. He made me think a lot. "Sure they're affraid, but obviously there love is strong enough to drown the fear. What they think of each other means more than what outsiders think." Then I realized I kind of said that in a snotty voice, but it did make me kind of angry that they could do that, but we couldn't. I was ready to. I've been ready to, but we been through this before. It wasn't going anywhere. It can't be fixed over night.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" he asked raising his voice sounding annoyed.

"Nope, nothing," I said sarcasticly. As much as I wanted to tell him how I really felt about not holding his hand in public, I wanted our conversation to stop even more. I didn't want this to evolve into a fight and ruin the evening ahead of us.

Roger let out a sigh, and this time, with a soft voice he said,"I'm just not ready okay? I'm sorry. I'm not perfect. I need time."

He closed his eyes. I could tell he didn't want to get into this, and truthfully niether did I, but the words just spilled out. "How do you know you have time? Something could happen to you...Something could happen to me."

"That's not gonna happen," Roger replied.

"How do you know Roger?" he sat there, silent, still closing his eyes. "That's right, you don't. How do you know that I'm not gonna go home and get murdered, or know that there isn't going to be a school shooting, or a car accident or-"

"Okay!" he said raising his voice. "I get it. I don't know."

"No day, but today, Roger."

He shook his head, his eyes still closed and then just sat there as if he was thinking...or deciding. "Come here," he said grabbing my hand.

"What," I asked.

But before I knew it, Roger pulled me out the door, my hand in his. Jumping on top of the hood on his car, and pulling me with him, still holding my hand, he screamed to all the students. "I, Roger Davis, am in love!" he blared out. Many students turned and looked at the high school celeberty. "I am in love with Mark Cohen! That's right! I'm gay! And I don't care who knows!" And then he pulled me tward him and planted a kiss on my mouth. I made believe fireworks went off over our head, because that's what it felt like. I heard some students gasp, some students scream, and even some cheer. And it was great. It was just what I wanted...and much more. The world knew, and I was happy.

Then, as quickly as it began, it ended. Roger pulled me back inside the truck and we took off. "You know you didn't have to do that. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to. Before I said I'd wait for you, and I would've. Its just the Collins and Angel thing got to me."

"I know I didn't have to do that...And you really think you have that much power over me? To make me do something?" Roger asked with a huge smile. "I did it because I wanted to and I needed too. "No day but today."

I smiled back at him happier than I had ever been before. "No day but today."

**Yes, it is kinda short. But still...did you like it? let me know in a reveiw please! ****Next chapter::: mark spends the night at rogers (for real this time). Oh, and I didn't proof read this, so excuse any mistakes you see. **

**thankies all **


	11. I'll Cover You

Not having to pick up Roger's sister, we went straight to Roger's house. When we got there, I couldn't help but leap on him. The way he spoke openly to his peers about how he was with me and loved me, overwhelmed me and I just had to kiss him over and over again.

"Wow," he said between kisses. "What got into you?"

"Well," I said when our lips seperated. "I just love you so much. I'm so happy." And it was true. I was. I was stunned and couldn't believe he did that for me and it wowed me.

"Yeah, I have that effect on people," he said with a giant grin.

"Psh. You better not!" And the two of us laughed.

I just felt so safe and secure with him. We spent the whole day kissing and hugging and cuddling. There was nothing I wanted to do more. I found myself falling asleep on his chest with only boxers on, more comfertable than I had ever been before. I didn't want to leave that spot. But morning had to come.

I awake to a loud banging on Roger's bed room door. I flung myself off of him for fear of who it was, a threw my pants and a shirt on. Thankfully I was fully dressed when a woman in a silk robe opened Roger's door.

"Get your ass up, boy," she said, her voice raspy.

Roger sat up from his bed. "What do you want?" he asked annoyed.

"Get your clothes on. You're coming down stairs to me my boyfriend," she ordered him.

"I met your boyfriend," he groaned.

The woman pulled a cigarette from her pocket and lit it, begining to smoke. Through her puffs she replied,"If you're talkin' 'bout David, we aint going out anymore." She raised her voice. "So get your ass up and put some damn clothes on. I'm not gonna ask you again."

"They're all the same," Roger said before laying back down and putting his face in his pillow.

"Roger," she screamed. "I swear if you don't get you fucking ass up right now I'm gonna-"

"Gonna what?!" He screamed louder sitting back up.

She shook her head with a stern look. "Baby's downstairs and she's hungry, so get your clothes on and get down there." Then she turned around and walked out the door.

Roger sighed and stood up. Looking around the room, he found his pants and t-shirt and put them on. Then he looked in the mirror that was on his wall and brushed his hair with his fingers. "You look fine," I said, knowing it was unnessicary to be fixing himself up. I expected to hear some comment like "Don't I always?" or "As usual", but nothing came. He just nodded at little and kept looking into the mirror. I knew something was wrong.

I walked up beside him and grabbed his hand. After pulling him around and planting a kiss on his mouth I starred into his eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"I'm fine..." he replied and then turned around facing the mirror again. I knew it was a lie. Once again I pulled him twards me, cupping his face in my hand, and gently kissed his lips. "Don't lie to me," I said.

Then I felt Roger wrapp his arms around my waist, as he pulled me closer, our bodies touching. "I'm sorry. She puts me in a bad mood. She's such a bitch. But what can I do? She's my mother."

"I know what you can do," I replied still staring into his captivating eyes. "You can kiss me. I bet that'll make you feel better." I smiled. And with that he softly kissed my lips while holding me tight.

At that moment the door flung open and I threw myself off of Roger. "Oh, that's what I thought," his mom said lighting up another cigarette, staring in at us. "Don't be doing any of that gay shit downstairs, okay?"

Roger gave her the finger and she rolled her eyes, once again, walking out of his room. It was amazing how they acted. My mother never once swore at me and ordered me around like that, and I never once even thought of flipping my mom off.

"I feel like pissing my mom off," Roger said grabbing my hand tightly. Still, hand in hand, we walked down the steps to the first floor. Sitting at the table was baby at one end, and at the other a tall man. He was also smoking. His arms were filled tattoos of naked women and made up of leather and denim with big black boots at his feet.

"This is Scott," Roger's mom said pointing to her boyfriend. When she noticed Roger and I holding hands, immediatley I tried to let go, but Roger just held my hand tighter. The man looked at us two up and down making a face like he had just eaten a rotten egg. "This is Roger," she said pointing to him. "And that's...I don't know. Some boy that's obviously sleeping with my son." Once again I tred my best to pull my hand away from Roger's, but his grip was tighter than ever. "Oh, and by the way. I want you to end whatever is going on between you too. This is gonna be a one time thing okay?"

At that moment Roger's grip on my hand became so I tight, I thought my hand was going to snap in too. But I guess it was better him squeezing my hand, than squeezing his mother's neck. I could tell he was trying to hold back his anger. "You can't tell me who to be with or what to do!" he burst out.

"You should teach your son some manners," Scott groaned facing Roger's mother.

Roger's grip became tight again, but this time, I pulled him into the living room and sat him at the couch. "Roger, it's okay. Calm down. I'm here." Slowly his grip loosened up and I could feel his tension flowing away.

There was a clear of the kitchen from the living room and both me and Roger stared in. "You want one?" Scott asked looking at Baby motioning to his cigarette. She shook her head. And, for the hundreth time, Roger squeezed my hand. "It's okay, Baby," Roger's mother said. "It's not bad." The two people laughed, the ones who were suposed to be adults. "Here just take a puff," Scott said and he put the cigarette inches from her face. Once again, she shook her head no. "She's scared," Scott laughed turning to Roger's mom. "Now I know why you call her Baby." Being the sensative little girl she was, tears poured down her face.

Roger sprung from the couch and pulled me along with him into the kitchen. "What the fuck are you doing? She's a little girl!" He yelled into the man's face.

"Maggie, you better get your son under control 'cause if he don't get out of my face Ima have to get him out of my face," the man said facing Roger's mom.

"What are you gonna do?" Roger asked still in his face.

Scott stood up. He was much taller than Roger, but I could tell, Roger wasn't intimadated. "You want me to do something boy?" he asked looking down at Roger. Roger's mom just sat there watching, her expression unreadable, while Baby sat in the chair still crying.

"Do something!" Roger screamed into his face. Scott pushed Roger's shoulders with his finger tips making him step back. Roger let go of my hand. "Baby, go show Mark your dolls," he said looking at her face.

"Roger..." she cried.

"Now!" he screamed. Immediatley she stood up and pulled my hand up the stairs. When we reached them, I told her to head up and I'd be up in a second. I didn't want to miss this. I couldn't be up stairs while something happened to Roger.

I stared from the bottom step looking at the two. Roger took his right hand and slammed it into the mans left cheek pushing him over and making him almost fall. "Don't touch me!" he screamed.

Then the man took his fist and threw it into Roger's face. "Roger!" I couldn't help but scream as he hit the floor. With out thinking I rushed over to his side, but quickly he stood up like I wasn't even there. After trying to unsucessfully block another one of Roger's punches, Scott fell to the ground. This time Roger wouldn't let him get up. He kpet kicking him and kicking him while his mother screamed in the kitchen for him to stop. I realized, if he kept kicking him like this, he was going to kill him. "Roger!" I screamed. "Stop!" But he just kept doing it.

Quickly, I rushed over to him pulling him away with my arms wrapped around his body. "Roger, calm down."

The man groaned on the floor. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeated over and over. "It's okay," I said. That's all I could think of saying. I had never been in a situation like that before. I mean, what could I do?

I felt Roger's body tremble in my arms as tears flowed down his face. "It's okay. We have to go." Maybe being out of this house for a while make him feel better.

"You're right. You're right," he said and stood up. He looked into the kitchen at his mother with an amazed look on her face. "I'm leaving...," he said. "And I'm not coming back. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live with you. I'm taking Baby too."

"You can't do that!" she screamed. "You're my son."

"Not anymore!!!" he yelled back at her, then turned to walk up stairs to get his sister.

She shook her head. "You're just like your father!!"

Roger turned back and looked at her. "Fuck you! I'm nothing like that bastard!" Then once again he turned and this time ran up the stairs, with me following behind. We walked into Baby's room and noticed her stuffing her dolls and clothes into a bad. "Are we leaving again?" she asked.

"Yes, and this time for good. We're not going to live like this anymore. I want something better. I want something better for you." And with that Roger went into his room and grabbed clothes. After a few minutes the three of us were rushing out the door. "Go into the truck, I have to talk to Mark," Roger said facing Baby. She nodded and did what he said.

Then Mark grabbed my hand and we sat on the steps to his house. After pulling me into him for a hug, he broke down. "I'm sorry Mark. I'm soo sorry you had to go through that."

"Roger, it's not your fault. That guy was a jerk." I tried to make him feel better. It really wasn't his fault. He needed to know that.

"Mark?" he asked looking into my eyes. I hated seeing him this way, with tears flowing down his face and an eye begining to blacken. "Can we stay at your house for a little bit. It's just we have no where to go and-"

"Shh," I said putting a hand over his mouth. "Don't worry about it." Then I kissed his cheek. "I love you. I'll cover you."

**Okay, idk if i liek this chapter yet cuz im tired and i just wanted to finish it tonight so it may be a possible rewrite, but idk for sure. and idk whats up with the song lyrics latley but w/e... i guess im not creative enough to come up with stuff myself, lol. oh and i didn't proof read it. sorry for the mistakes**

**but tell me if you like it er if it should be a rewrite. **

**thankies all**

**rachel**


	12. I Heard About Your Speech

**Okay, well i'm kinda going through a writers block now so idk how good this chapter is going to be. But I do know that you are going to find out what Benny has to say about his friend Roger being with Mark.**

"Owww!" Roger groaned. "Stop, that hurts." We were both sitting on my bed and I was trying to help, but he had to be a baby about it.

"I have to put ice on your eye or then swelling won't go down," I explained trying to place the ice pack back onto his black eye.

"You don't have to," he groaned again. But still I did. I had too. It would look much worse if I didn't.

"Explain something to me," I said. "Why can you take those punches, but when it comes to something as simple as this, you're a baby?"

Roger just glared at me, which made me chuckle a little.

"What's this?" Baby asked. I had forgotten she was here. She'd been so quiet since we reached my house. I suposed she was still confused about what happened earlier and what her and Roger were going to be doing now that they had left their home.

Then I looked over to what she was holding. Quickly I raced over to her and grabbed it. "Don't ever touch this," I said sternly looking striaght into her eyes.

"Are you angry at me?" she asked. I could tell by the sound in her voice that she was about to cry and her eyes began to fill with tears..

I sighed and pulled her near me giving her a hug. Looking down at her smiling, I said,"No, I'm not mad. I just love this more than anything. Please, don't touch it." Then I took it and put it on my highest shelf, too high for her to reach.

Her smile and normal face came back. "Well what is it?" she asked again.

"It's my camera. It means a lot to me okay? Just please, do no play with it. I love it too much and if something happened to it, I'd die." I explained. I could tell by the first time I said it that she understood not to touch it, but I had to stress it. I didn't want anything happening to it.

So after putting it on my tallest shelf so she couldn't reach it, and Baby going back to searching through my draws for something of intrest, I sat next to Roger again.

"Love it more than anything? Die if something happened to it? Sounds to me like you're having an affair Mark Cohen. That's it! Were over," Roger said looking at me with a smile.

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Ya, with my camera...And you know you wouldn't be able to get rid of me that easy." As I placed the ice pack back on his face, I looked at him. I mean, I really looked at him. His eye looked terrible. It was huge surounded by black and blue skin. His shirt was also off so I could examine the huge bruise on his back when he hit the floor. The wounds looked terrible, but still. He looked beautiful, as he always did, with his golden hair hanging in his face, with is perfectly shaped body inches away from mine, and with his eyes. The eyes I loved. The ones that shined with a bright green glow. "You know," I said looking into his eyes some more. "You're really beautiful."

Roger smiled deeply. "So are you." And with that he planted a soft kiss on my lips.

* * *

Roger and Baby spent the whole weekend at my house. Roger and Baby took the bunk bed in my brother's room, while he was forced to sleep on the couch. But every night, when Baby fell asleep, Roger would sneak into my room and we would cuddle and kiss. 

We never really did anything more, though, like the other teens at my high school did. It's not that I wasn't ready, because a lot of the times with Roger I felt like I was, it's just that I was too nervous to try anything. I mean, I've never done anything before. I don't know the first thing about it. And I figured, if Roger wanted to, he would, but he never did. And I was okay with that. I supose it was just because he didn't want to rush me or maybe he was nervous too, but whatever it was, it didn't matter. Relationships aren't about sex. Both Roger and I knew that.

I awake Sunday morning dreading it. I knew this was the last day that I would spend with Roger and Baby because they were going to stay with their grandparents for awhile. I really wished they could've stayed longer, but they had to go. Their grandparents were waiting.

After a hug from Baby and a kiss, hug, and an "I love you" from Roger, they left. I had gotten so used to Roger coming into my room at night and me being with him all the time, it felt strange for me to be in my room alone. Everything seemed so quiet and there was nothing to do. But finally night came and I fell alseep knowing I would see Roger in the morning.

And sure enough I did. When I slipped into the car, it was some how different. After awhile of driving in silence, I realized what was wrong. Roger wasn't talkative like he was normally on our drives to school in the morning. He was quiet. Hoping I could help, I asked,"Is everything okay, Roger? You seem kind of...kind of down."

A smile formed on his face. "No, I'm not down. How could I be if I'm with you?" This made me smile as well. Then his face became serious. "It's just...I'm scared."

My hand reached for his and I held it tight. "Scared of what? You know I'm here for you." I smiled once again trying to give him comfort for whatever he was scared about.

"Well, I don't know how people are going to react," he said trying to explain. But I still didn't understand.

"React to what?" I asked.

"To what I said Friday." Then it all came back to me. I could understand how he would be scared. Who knows how everyone would be about him openly being gay. What would they say? Would they disown him? Would they respect him? Would he still be popular?

"As stupid as it sounds," I said stilling holding his hand. "I had forgotten all about that." I smiled. Then I tried to put more comfort into my voice. "I don't know how they'll act. I mean, some people are really cruel, but you have to remember that the world isn't only filled with bad people. There is good ones too. And Roger, you know that I'm going to be here for you no matter what happens, right?"

He squeezed my hand. "I know. I know."

The rest of the way we drove in silence. I knew Roger was thinking about what was going to happen. Well, I think he was doing more worrying than thinking. But when he reached the school, still he held my hand. But instead of walking over to his friends like he normally did (he was probably too scared to do that), he walked with me over twards Collins, Angel, and the rest of the group.

"Look who it is! The man of the day, the one everybody is talking about," Collins said to the others as we began to reach to group. Then he directed his words tward Roger. "Wow man. I'm proud of you. You got balls." Then he reached out and hugged Roger.

"He's taken!" Angel said playfully interupting their hug to give Roger one for herself.

After many hugs from each of my friends, the bell rang and we headed in. Suprisingly, Roger was still gripping my hand. I could tell he was still nervous even after getting much suport from my friends, because his grip around my fingers and palm became tight.

After Roger waited for me to put my bag away and grab books for my first class at my locker, we headed tward his so he could do the same. When aproaching it, we saw Benny waiting. I pulled my hand away in fear for him. Ever since he had beaten me in the hall, I tried my best to stay away from him and avoid looking like easy bait. "Mark," Roger groaned. "Give me your hand. He's not going to do anything, okay?" After a long hesiation, I regripped his hand.

Ignoring Benny, Roger stayed holding my hand and began to put stuff into his locker with the other one. Obviously Benny wanted to talk. "I heard about your speech."

When I looked into his eyes they were unreadable, same with his expression. "Ya, so? What now?" Roger asked sounding snotty.

Benny took a deep breathe and looked at the floor. "I mean, is it true? Are you...really..." His voice trailed off.

Roger slammed his books into his lock and put Benny's chin up so he could look into his eyes. Frustrated, he raised his voice. "Am I really what? Am I really gay? Is that what you were going to say?" Benny just blankly nodded his head. "Yes, I am really gay. And I'm with Mark. Is that a problem? Are you going to beat me up now too?"

Benny looked at the floor again as if he was ashamed. "No..." he whispered. "I would never do that to you."

Roger shook his head and began to screamed into his face. "What makes me so different from Mark?!" Benny was silent. Roger pulled his head up again so he could look into his eyes. "Huh?!" he said louder. "I'm gay! Marks gay! I love Mark! Mark loves me! We're both human beings! Obviously we aren't that different!"

"I'm sorry!" he bursted out. "I don't know what I was thinking!" And this time looking to my eyes he said,"I'm so sorry, Mark." That was the first time he had ever talked to me not saying something cruel. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I couldn't say it was okay and that I forgave him, because I didn't. He put me through a lot. I don't know if I could ever get over it.

Roger ignored his apology and went back to putting stuff into his locker. The three of us just stood there silently. Roger was now taking stuff out of his locker and I was watching. Benny was just staring at the floor. Finally he spoke. "Look. I don't know how many times I can say this, and I mean it every time, I'm sorry. Okay?"

Roger looked away. "No its not okay."

"Please," Benny begged. "Just listen, okay?" Roger was silent. "I don't want our friendship to end. We've been friends since I can remember and we always made up after a fight."

"This more than a fight, Benny!" Roger screamed into his face.

"Please!!" Benny screamed back. "Just let me talk... But you're right. It's more than a fight, but please. I don't want it to end like this. Well, I don't want it to end at all. I really think we can really be friends," he said. Then looked at me. "The three of us."

Roger shook his head. "I don't know, Benny, okay?"

Benny nodded. "Okay..." Then he turned and left.

Suprisment filled my whole body. Everything I thought and felt about Benny was now being redirected. Before it seemed like all he could do was say mean shit to me, and now, he was apologizing and saying he wanted to be my friend. It couldn't be true. Could it?

**Mkay, somewhat short, but I'll prolly write the next chapter tonight as well and if not tonight, tomorrow. But do u like it? I decided to make Benny into a confusing and confused charactor... I mean, they couldn't be lying in RENT when they said that Benny was once a nice guy, so I decided to put a hint of that niceness into him... but you'll prolly see more if it later.**

**Idk what the next chapter will bring. But I guess I'll just write and see if anything good comes of it. **

**thankies all**


	13. There Is Good People

**Okay, this is the same day at school but new obsticales for the two young lovers. **

After the Benny incounter, Roger was quiet. I knew his thinking face, and he was deffinetly thinking. Maybe not thinking...Maybe deciding, deciding whether he wanted to be Benny's friend or not. I supose I was deciding too, even if I didn't really believe that everything Benny said was true, especially about him wanting to become my friend. I mea, why would he? We're nothing alike. He's popular, I guess, and I'm deffinetly not. He's a jock; I'd rather film. He beats and makes fun of kids; I respect peoples differences. Even if I wanted to become his friend, the difference would stand in the way. I just thinking being friends with a guy like Benny wouldn't work out.

Other than deciding that I was not wanting to become his friend, I decided something else. Thinking about Benny wasn't making me feel any delight at all, so I tried to get my mind off of it by looking around at the student body.

The first bell to get to first hour had not yet rang and their was still about 5 minutes before it did, so many kids were talking and hanging out with their friends. I noticed a couple walking about ten feet in front of us. Of course, a boy girl couple. They were holding hands, talking, and laughing as they walked. They were so lucky. They never have to go through the displeasure of being judge for who they love because they loved "the right way", as most people said. Strictly boy to girl for them.

"No PDA," I heard a female teacher call. It kinda felt good getting in trouble for holding hands. It had never happened to me before. For a split second, I felt accomplished.

But I guess Roger was feeling differently. He turned to the teacher. "Are you talking to us? PDA?" he asked sounding kind of annoyed.

Slowly, as if we were children, the teacher said,"Public...Display...Of Affection."

"I know what it means!" Roger snapped at her.

Her faced became kind of angry yet a little suprised. "Well obviously not if you're still holding hands with..." She scanned me up and down giving me a dirty look. "...Him," she finished.

Roger shook his and and for the hundreth time in the past few days, squeezed my hand tight. "Why are you telling us...and not them?" he asked pointing to the couple that had been walking in front of us.

The teacher just smiled a little and with an attitude replied,"I didn't see them."

"They walked right in front of you!" Roger raised his voice. I grabbed his hand tighter trying to signal that he needed to calm down.

"You need to stop screaming," she said.

"You need to stop judging people," Roger said back. All the success I had felt before, was now totally gone. I wished Roger just would have stoped.

The same smirk she put on earlier came back. "Go to the office. I don't have to take these accusations."

I rolled my eyes and tried to defend Roger. That was all I could do. He didn't need to get in trouble. He was already stressed out enough. "You can't do that," I began. "You can't just yell at him for not being the person you don't want him to be...for us not being 'the right' kind of couple for you!" I found myself screaming. I didn't mean to, but the way she was acting made me angry. Then I looked around to notice many students watching us.

"You can go to the office too...NOW!" she screamed at me.

"Fine!" I said in the same snotty attitude she had given us. So hand in hand Roger and I walked to the VP's office. When we got there, we sat down in a couple of chairs, waiting for the VP to call us into his own room within the office. And finally he did. By now the bell had rung and half of first hour was already over.

"Ms. Ross told me what happened," he said looking at us.

We both kind of just looked at the ground, not answering or showing an acknowledgment that we heard him, at least I did. Roger kind of did the same, but I heard him mummble, and I'm pretty sure the VP did too, "Ms. Ross? Is that that bitches name?" I shook my head and flung my arm into his shoulder. He looked up at me and I told him to shut up with my eyes the best I could. I think he understood becuase he looked at the floor and stayed quiet.

"I want to hear what happened in your own words," he said. Once again the two of us just stared at the floor. "Hello? Can one of you tell me what happened? Mr. Davis? Mr. Cohen?"

I didn't want Roger's mouth to get us into more trouble, so I summed up what happened fast. "We walked by her and she told us we can't hold hands because we're gay."

I looked up to she his face. He shook his head. "Now that's not what she said."

Roger looked up instantly. "Well of course she's not going to say she said that! You think she's going to tell the truth?!"

I was suprised by how calm the VP acted. Instead of bursting out and yelling like any other teacher would. He calmly asked,"What were her exact words?" The of us were silent. "See, I know she didn't say that."

"Well she was implying it," I deffened myself and Roger. "She let the striaght couple infront of us walk by her holding hands, and she didn't say a word."

"So just because she didn't see those kids means that she's intolerant?" he asked.

Roger's eyes widened. "They walked right past her! She saw them. She's a damn liar. A damn _intolerant _liar!"

"Can you really believe that out of all the couples holding hands in the halls all the time, that she would suddenly decide to put some authority down right when the gay couple walks by?" I asked calmly trying to get his attention off of Roger's screaming.

The VP sighed and to my suprisement, he said,"No...I can't."

I gave him strange look. "Then why are you yelling at us about this if you think that she's a liar."

"I don't think she's a liar. I just think that she's intolerant and she wants to hide it, okay?" I nodded.

"Well aren't you going to do something about it?" You'd think he would being the biggest authority,

"I can't," he simply said.

"That's a lie!" Roger burst out. I grabbed his hand. His constant screaming wasn't going to help the outcome of the situation at all.

For the first time during his whole thing, the VP raised his voice. "What do you want me to do? Fire her?!"

Roger stood up and leaned on his desk, staring into his eys. "Yes! Do you really want someone like her teaching your students?" After grabbing his hand, I pulled him down so he was sitting.

This time his voice was low and lighter like earlier. "I can't fire her just because she does one thing wrong. She is one of the best English teachers this school has."Roger shook his head. I could tell he was about to burst out with something, but I squeezed his hand tight and thankfully he understood that that wouldn't help at all. "Now please, let this just be over. Can we just forget about this?" he looked at us. Both of us ignored him. He looked down and pulled out a pen, and he wrote something down. "Here, these are passes. Now go to class."

Roger stood up and walked out angry. "This is bull shit!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry," I said to the VP. "He's been under a lot of stress lately." Then I grabbed both passes. "I'll make sure he goes to class. Thanks." I'm not sure exactly why I said thanks. Although I would have never said it to the teacher, Roger was right. It was bull shit. There was so much more he could have done. At the least, he could have talked to here. Maybe that would make it a little better. Shit...I would have been happy even if he lied and said he was going to talk to her and didn't. As long as he pretended like he gave a shit about us.

I followed Roger down the hall a little and I ran to catch up with him. Quickly I grabbed his hand and turned him around so he was looking into my eyes. I grabbed him by the waist with my other hand, but before I could do more, he said,"Not in the school hallway Mark."

So I kept my grip on his hand and walked into the nearest men's room. "Is the school bathroom better?" I asked.

Thankfully a smile came to his face. "Much better."

So this time, after grabbing him around the waist, I pulled him in for a soft gentle kiss. "You know you don't really have to be such a spaz," I said it with a smile so he'd know I met no offense.

"Yeah. I know. It's just so many things are pissing me off. Like my mom, Benny, and now that fucking teacher."

I made my grip around his waist tighter pulling him in so our bodies touched. "Roger," I said. "People are always going to be doing and saying shit to piss you off. Just remember, I'm here, okay?" Roger nodded. I had told him this a hundred times, but I had to stress it. He had to know it was true. It was true what I said before, though, too. People _are _always going to be saying shit to make us angry and try to get at us. It seems that's all anyone was doing.

So once more I kissed his lips trying to make him and myself feel better. Hand in hand we walked out the bathroom and headed tward my class. I saw another guy walking ahead of us. He was obviously from the "jock" clique that Benny belong to and I prayed he wouldn't stop and talk. But he did. "You're Mark and Roger, right?" he asked. Reluctantly I nodded. "I loved the way you bitched out that teacher," he said smiling. "Oh, and the speech Friday. That was brilliant. I wish I had the balls to do that." He laughed a little. "You guys are great." Then he placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled at the both of us. Then he walked away.

I didn't know what to feel. Randomly between all the chaos and intolerance, the was someone supportive. It was strange and what I least expected, especially from someone as judging as a jock. I assumed Roger was feeling the same confusion because he had the same expression as me. "Just when I started to doubt you, you were right..." he said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"There really is good people..."

**Well ya, mark said that in the last chapter if u didn't remember. so u like this one? it has a lot of dialogue, and events sorta, but w/e. i like it. but it goes by a little fast. but oh well. i still like! oh and i didn't proof read this, i was too lazy and its 1:58...almost my bedtime...sorry for mistakes all!!! **

**so ya, im lovin' the reveiws! **

**thankies all**


	14. I Told You

**Okay, Wow! I just realized, after reading it, that there was a TON of mistakes in the last chapter. Sorry for that XD. I'm gonna proof read this one over. Oh and sorry abou the chapter name...I'm not too creative when it comes to those.**

The school day went by slowly. It seemed like just about everyone had to say something about the earlier events with the teacher and last fridays random speech. Thankfully, there was some more supportive students, but still. There was the everyday assholes that just _had _to say some rude remark when Roger or I walked by them. I was glad teh day was finally ended when it did.

But I knew that I could make it through all the bull shit that was sure to happen again tomorrow because I had Roger and Roger had me. Knowing this and knowing that some alone time between Roger and I would be good, I asked him to come over after school. "I'm sorry," he said. "My grandparents are kinda strict. They only let me do stuff if I ask like a day ahead, so I can't. Maybe tomorrow. I'll ask tonight... I'm sorry," he reapted.

"Don't be sorry. It's okay. I love you," I replied, dreading the boring night at home alone that was sure to come.

"I love you, too." he said smiling. And with a kiss, he was gone.

Without a bike and without Roger's usual ride home for me, I was forced to walk. But I supose it wasn't too bad. The cold was getting warmer and almost all the snow that once blanketed the city, was gone. I took the time on my walk home to think. I thought about Collins and Angel and wondered how their relationship was, although I knew that it was good; it always was and probably always will be. I thought about Maureen and wondered if she had gotten into with Joanne lately, and I figured she had. I thought about Mimi and even about Benny and wondered what was going to happen with him in the next few days. But mostly, I thought about Roger.

I always did. Even if I tried to get him off my mind, I couldn't. But why would I want to? He was so perfect. Everything about him was perfect. It's amazing how one person that I just met could change my life in so little time, for the better. It seemed like one minute I was afraid to talk to him, and now I'm afraid to stop talking to him. I was finally feeling the feeling that Collins had discribed to me over and over again, and I never wanted it to stop.

When I got home, I tried to keep myself busy by reading. I couldn't consentrate. I tried to sleep. I couldn't do that either. I even tried to film, but still, nothing came of it. I was too busy thinking of Roger. So I found myself, laying my bed, thinking about the young rocker that changed my life. I thought about our future and wondered what was going to happen. Were we going to move in together? Were we going to, if possible, get married some day? Were we going to stay in love? I prayed that yes would be the answer to all my questions.

I must've drifted off some how while thinking Roger and dreaming about our life together, because I woke up to my brother's annoying voice. "Homo! Your boyfriend is on the phone. He woke me up. Dad is going to get pissed if he keeps calling this late," he said.

I looked at the clock. 11:47, it was late and I could deffinetly anticipate my dad's complaining in the morning. Quickly I grabbed the phone and kick my brother in the stomach so he would leave, and slowly he did. Still half asleep I said,"Hello," into the telephone.

"Guess what!" Roger exclaimed on the other end.

I yawned. "What honey?" I asked, curious about what could make him so excited this late at night.

"I'm going back home!" he cheerfully said.

Immediatley I sat up in my bed, suprised and questioned Roger's logic. "What are you talking about? Why would you do that?"

This time his voice was different, less excited. "What? You don't think I should?"

"Roger," I asked. "Why would you want to go back?"

His voice became excited again as he explained himself. He told me how his mother called him and begged him to come home, and at first he denyed. He didn't want to go through all the bull shit over again. But she convinced him to spend the day with her and they did. Roger said it was great. He had fun with his mother...His old mother, the one he had before the drugs. "And she's going to quit. She's really going to quit this time. She wants Baby and I to come home tomorrow. And when we put all our stuff back, we're going to the movies. She even threw her crack pipe in the garbage!"

I had my doubts. I really did. I knew it's not that easy to just quick. You can't just stop like that and be done with it forever, especially if you've been addicted for years, as Roger had told me before.. But what if I was wrong? No, I couldn't be. It was too good to be true. I didn't want to upset Roger, but I had to show him I was concerned. "Roger..." I said quietly. "It's not that easy."

"What do you mean?" he asked in a soft voice.

"I mean, can you really believe her? It's not easy to just...stop."

"What are you saying? You think she's a liar?" he asked, this time sounding annoyed or angry.

I didn't want him to be mad, so I tried to explain. "Don't get angry," I said trying to defend myself and let him understand my doubts. "I'm not saying she's a liar. I'm just saying that you need to understand it's going to by hard."

I heard Roger sigh on the other end. "What are you saying she can't do it or something?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't know what to do or what to say. It sounded like everytime I spoke it just made him more angry. "Roger, please. You don't understand."

"Oh, I understand," he said with an attitude. "You don't think she can do it. You think I'm stupid about moving back in. I know what I'm doing, Mark."

"I don't think you're stupid, Roger." Which was true. But I really didn't think she could do it. He was right about that.

"Well whatever, Mark," he said with the same attitude. "I have to go to sleep. Bye." And then he hung up. He didn't even say he loved me.

But I made my mind stop thinking about that. I knew he loved me. He was just angry and it got the best of him. That's all. And by tomorrow morning he would get over it. He always did get over his anger easily. So, I slept, reasuring myself that tomorrow would be better, that tomorrow he would forget all about it and his anger would be gone.

But the next morning, when I got into his truck. He was silent the whole way to Parker High. I even tried to spark a conversation, but still, he only replied with simple answers and basically ignoring me and my attempt to acually talk to him. Had I really made him that angry.

I debated to myself about asking him if I had really upset him enough to totally ignore me all together, or maybe it was something else. I hoped it was something else. The temptation to ask him almost broke me and just when I was about to, we reached the school, and just like he had done a hundred times before, he went off to his "friends". If they were even his friends still after he came out.

I followed his walk with my eyes and he was headed over twards Benny. Obviously he had gotten over all the shit that went on with him, because the two were talking, and even laughing. I was acually begining to get jealous of Benny at that moment. He was enjoying the company of Roger, something I hadn't gotten to do today. After a slight death glare at Benny, I walked over to my little clique of rejects.

When I reached them, I didn't say anything. I wasn't in the mood. All I could do was just keep staring at Benny and the beautiful Roger and envy the connection they were having. Collins must have noticed the anger in my eyes. He always did. "You okay?" he asked giving me a slight look of concern.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just Roger. He's moving back in with his mom and I don't think it's a good idea."

"Damn, that's hard," Collins said standing along side me, joining me in my stare. "Yesterday you two were all over each other and now you're ingnoring each other. Please, work it out. We don't need another Maureen and Joanne walking around here." He laughed and I smiled a little despite my anger and current feelings.

"Well, we're not ignoring each other...He's ignoring me," I corrected.

"Aw, you'll survive." And he gave me a light hug. "And if you are turning into Maureen and Joanne, then this won't last very long." Once again he laughed and this time I joined him.

When the bell rang, we headed inside. I was feeling a little better because I had shared laughs with a friend, but the feelings of anger, envy, and sadness were still there. And as classes went on, and with Roger still not paying any attention to me, the feelings became stronger. I didn't know what to do in Chemestry with Roger right in front of me. I supose I should have asked him what was going on and if he'd ever forgive me, even though I still think I was right, but right when I was about to, class had ended.

When the end of the day came, I decided that it was really neccisary for me to ask Roger to get over what I said...but I supose I would ask in a nicer way. Before I could even ask him about anything, he interupted me saying,"I guess you want a ride."

I just gave him a look. Did he really think that's all I wanted him for? "Roger, it's not even like that. I just want to talk to you."

He sighed looking at me. "Get in," he said in a low and some what annoyed voice. "What do you wanna talk about?" he asked when we were on our way down the road tward my house.

"Well, I want to talk about last night," I said in a low voice and I prepared myself to thrive out an apology that I didn't really mean, but before I could, he spoke.

"You want to apologize?" he asked.

His attitude made me rethink it. If he was going to be an asshole, why should I apologize. I mean, I knew I should, but I didn't want to. "Well, I was going to, but if you're going to be an ass about it, I'm not going to."

"Excuse me? Me the ass? Take a look in he mirror, Mark. Did I say shit about your mom? I don't think so."

What was his problem? I just told him it was hard to quit drugs and that makes me an ass. "What are you talking about? I just said it was hard to stop. I didn't say anything bad about your mom. Calm down!"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" he screamed. "You don't know what its like for her. To have your husband walk out on you and have your daughter die...You have no idea what its like!!"

"You do..." I said.

"What?" he asked confused.

"You know what that's like and I don't see you using, do I? No...Don't make excuses for her!" I screamed. Roger was quiet. I didn't even know the woman, I only met her once, and I was already critisizing her actions. Wow...I'm such a great boy friend...ashamed I looked down. Quietly, but loud enough for him to hear, I said I was sorry. Roger just payed attention to the road and when we got to my house, he dropped me off with out a word...Without an "I love you."

I was so pissed at myself by the time I reached the door, I couldn't even walk in. I broke down crying right there on my stoop. Too ashamed to watch Roger leave, I wondered if he had seen me. But by the time I had gathered myself up enough to walk inside, he was gone.

Slowly, I lifted my body from the hard ground and walked into the door. My mother said hello and asked me how school was today, but all I could do was look at her, and she knew that it didn't go so well so she let me be. That's the only thing I really liked about my mom alot. She knew that being alone made me feel better than having her talk to me. And the delicious cookies she made for me everytime she saw my face like that, were great too. But this time they didn't make me feel a lot better.

So when I reached my room, the only thing I could at that point was lay on my bed, cry, and think. I tried to think of some way to resolve this conflict. I didn't want this to keep going. It couldn't keep going. Spending time away from Roger was the worst. There was no one there to make me feel better. Sure, I had friends, but none of them could make me feel the way Roger did or comfort me the way Roger did.

No solution came to me and I wasn't feeling any better. The only thing I could do, that I knew would make me feel at least a little better, was sleep. So that I did. It took a while to finally be able to acually close my eyes and sleep, but it did come.

But something awoke me. It didn't seem too long later, but I couldn't know for sure because I was asleep. I got up and slowly walked tward the door that was being banged on, the thing that woke me up. "What? What?" I asked yawning as I turned the knob and opened the door.

There, in the doorway, stood Roger. I thought it was a dream...no, he was crying. Maybe a nightmare. Either way, it seemed too good to be true. I never thought that the sweet rocker would be at my door after the way I had treated him. But whatever it was, I did what I would normally do. I sprung tward him and embraced him with a tight hug. "Roger, I love you," was all I could think of to say. He didn't say anything, he just hugged back and cried into my shoulder. And then I knew it was real when he kissed me because it made me feel so alive and so good.

I pulled him onto my bed, but didn't let go of his body. All I could was hug him and hold him since he wouldn't talk to me about what was bothering him. But that was okay. Just being with me hopefully made things a little better and after a while he would probably realize I'm here, and that he can talk to me. And finally, after about a half hour of me holding him and him sobbing he began to speak and explain. "You were right..." he mummbled into my ear. I didn't realize what he was talking about, so I just held him in my arms more. "You were totally right about everything," he repeated.

I extended my arms so my hands were on his shoulders and I looked straight into his eyes. "What are you talking about, Roger?" Then I pulled him in for another hug as I realized what he was talking about and why he was all upset.

"My mom..." he said. "I found her boy friend and her smoking..." he mummbled softly admitting his earlier mistake. "And I found out the only reason she wanted me home was so she could keep collecting child support because some how my dad heard that we had left and he didn't send the check this month and that's the only way she can afford her drugs. It was all an act...all one big lie. She pretended to love me...for money." This time Roger's tears became faster and stronger and all I could was hold him tightly in my arms. "Please dont' say I told you so..." he mummbled into my chest.

I lifted his chin so he could look into my eyes. "I would never. I love you so much and I missed you all day today. All I want is to be with you. It doesn't matter whose right or whose wrong. I love you and that's all that matters." My true feelings spilled out to the man wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

"I love you, too. Soooo much. Thank you," he said still staring into my eyes.

"Your welcome. I'm always here for you," I replied looking deeply into his piercing eyes the same way he did mine. And gentle I placed a kiss on his lips and I knew that as long as I was with him, everything would be alright.

**Mkay, a lot of drama. Next chapter is going to be a very very very good one cuz i havn't had one of those yet. Mark and Roger are going to have their first **_**real **_**date with just the two of them. It'll be as lovey dovey as possible.**

**Thankies All for reveiws and such!**


	15. Way More

**Wow all...I really love the reviews and all that jazz. Very nice. Thankies a lot. They keep me alive and running...sorta. Now I don't know how good I am at writing about love and those kind of feelings since I havn't had much experience with that, I am only 14, but I'll try my bestest with what I have experienced...which isn't much, Lol.**

Roger fell asleep in my arms that night. We didn't do much. I supose the crying wiped him out, but that's okay. Holding him in my arms and knowing he was there and it would be long before he left, was enough for me.

I woke up with Roger laying on my chest, still in my arms. He seemed to be in a deep sleep and I didn't want to disturb him. He just looked so sweet and peaceful which was much much better than the past few days. They had just been so bad and hard for him, and now, hopefully, with me being here, everything was going to be okay.

As I layed there, with Roger, I looked down at him and noticed his eye wasn't as black as it was before and the bruise on his back was clearing up. He looked really great, he always did. I took my hand and ruffled his golden hair and became jealous of the color. Mine was always so light. I also found myself rubbing his back, touching his soft tan skin lightly with my fingers. I must have woken him becuase within a second he was looking up at me with dreary eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake," I said, mvoing my hand away from his back.

"No,no," he spoke quietly with a slight yawn. "You didn't wake me." I knew it was a lie. "Beside, we should get up," he said looking over tward my nightstand which held my digital clock.

"Oh my god!" I paniced noticing the time, too. It was 10:30. I had already missed two and a half hours of school. "We have to get up. Come on!" I said practically throwing him off of me. It's not that I didn't want to lay there with him, because I did, it was just that school was so important to me. It was what is going to make my future. I had never missed a day and never been late and I really didn't want to start that now.

"It's fine, Make. Geez..." he said laying back down, covering himself with the blankets and tucking his head under my white pillow.

I didn't listen to him. I was too busy throwing on an outfit, finding my glasses, and doing my hair. Finally, after throwing my shoes on my feet and throwing my bag around my shoulder, I noticed that Roger was still in the bed. "Roger! What are you doing?! We have to go...Now!" I screamed. I told myself that if he wasn't getting up in the next few seconds, I was leaving without him.

But I didn't follow through with that promise. After about ten minutes I finally got him standing. "I don't want to go..." he moaned trying to lay back down.

Quickly I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a full stand. "Roger, I swear, if you don't get up and go, I'm leaving without you." I sounded stern, as if I was yelling at my child to get up and get ready.

Roger wrapped his arms around my body and held me. "You couldn't leave me if you wanted to," he said into my ear.

I snorted. "That's what you think. I'm leaving...Now! Goodbye!" And I rushed out the door and shut it behind me. He was right though. I couldn't leave not matter how hard I tried. And before I knew it I was rushing back in begging him to get some clothes and stop wasting time so we could leave.

"Mark," he said laying back down. "Not going to school one day isn't going to kill you, I promise."

I shook my head. "Yes, it will. I mean, it'd be a little different if I was sick, but look at me. I'm healthy. Now lets go!" I paniced. We had to go. He just chuckled at me which made me angry. "What's so funny," I asked annoyed.

"Oh nothing," he said with an obviously fake attitude. "I just thought that maybe I was a little more important than school, but I guess not." He sighed

I shot him a death glare. Then I realized what he was doing. "It's not going to work. You're not going to guilt me into staying here with you."

Roger looked at me and shook his head with his green eyes wide open. "No, no, no. That's not what I was doing. I just had the crazy idea I was more important, that's all." he repeated. Liar...he was deffinetly trying to guilt me, but I wouldn't let it work. I couldn't.

"Roger," I groaned still somewhat annoyed at his oposing to go to school and at his silly wanna-be sly trick.

"What?" he asked trying to be sly and innocent some more. "All I said was that I thought that I ment more to you than school."

I didn't want to play his game anymore, so I simply gave in. "You know you do..." I said softly.

"Then come here," he replied, patting the spot on the bed next to him. When I got to him, he was sitting up and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I let him hold me even if I thought that I should be in a class room learning.

I thought about school some more. It really was important even if he didn't believe it was. "Roger..." I sighed. I didn't want to leave him, but school was waiting.

"Mark," he said questioning squeezing me tightly.

"We really should go..." I answered looking into his eyes, begining to stand up. Then he pulled my down and pinned me down, laying on the bed. His body was on top of mine and I looked into his eyes. _Oh, this is seductive_I thought. _Wait! No...School, school, school, _I repeated over and over in my head. But it was just too much when he passionately kissed my mouth. There was no way I could leave now. He had me trapped.

"You still want to leave?" he asked staring into my eyes.

The truth was, I didn't want to leave. There was no way I could. "You're going to hell for this," I said with a smile. "Being all passionate and seductive to innocent school going boy such as myself." He laughed and then pecked my lips again with his lightly.

For awhile we just layed there, like we had the night before, holding each other tightly as if it was the last time we were going to be with each other. But I knew it wasn't goign to be. We would share times like these again and again for long time, maybe forever...at least I hoped. That really got me thinking about our future.

I wanted to be with him forever. We havn't been together that long, but it really felt like it had. We had grown so close and been through a lot, but everything that we went through was absolutley worth it. Roger was worth anything and everything to me and I know that he always will, too. I mean, even if some how we grow apart or our relationship ends, I will never forget him. He was my first _real _love.

But I didn't want to think about it ending. I couldn't. It would just make me depressed. So instead of thinking about us not being together, I looked down and stared into his eyes and thought about our future as a couple. And I knew, no matter what we would go through, we could survive. Our realtionship could make it.

"You know what we have never done?" Roger randomly asked interupting my thoughts.

I began to ruffle with the golden hair of his I love so much. "What's that?" I asked.

"We've never been on a date...I mean, we've hung out and stuff, but we've never truely been alone, just the two of us on a date. That's what we should do, right now. Will you go on a date with me, Mark?" he asked.

What a stupid question. Of course I would. How could I say no? "Well...duh," I replied to his obvious question with the obvious answer. But then I realized something. "One problem." Roger looked up at me with questioning eyes. "How are we going to leave. My dad's at work, but my mom stays home. Even she would be angry if I wasn't in school and I can't tell her I'm gonna leave to go on a date...And I don't even think she knows you spent the night." I explained. "Infact, I don't even think she knows we aer together. I laughed a little.

Roger rolled his beautiful green eyes. "Oh, yeah. You're brother was the one who let me in and your mom or dad didn't see me come up. Shit!" he sighed. But then his eyes lit up as he quickly jumped from my bed and headed over tward my left wall. He moved the blinds and looked out.

"What are you doing?" He just ignored my question and headed over tward my other window on the wall where my bed rested. I followed him with my eyes, and he did the same thing as before: moved my blinds and looked out. "What are you doing?" I asked again, confused at his actions.

"Your room sucks, you know? You can't sneak out," he said staring at me as if I was the one who built it. Once again his eyes lit up. He had another idea. After throwing on the same pair of clothes he had on yesterday because he didn't have another pair, he pulled me off the bed and made me follow him.

"What are you doing?" I asked giving him a strange look.

"Just come here," he said holding my hand and leading me to my brother's room. "I noticed this when I was staying here for that couple of days with Baby. Look," he explained pulling me to my brothers window. "He has it easy. He can just jump out on top of your roof thingy over the porch and then jump to the ground."

I gave him a questioning look. "So...You don't expect me to do that do you?" He stared at me with a blank look. He did expect me to.

"Here, I'll go first," he said opening the window.

"Roger," I said sternly. "You're going to hurt yourself."

He just looked at me and rolled his eyes. "You need to learn how to live," he said. I shot him a glare. "Just watch." He opened the window with his big hands, and step out onto the roof of my front porch. I didn't know how steady it was. I was scared he would fall through. Then, before I knew it, he was on the ground.

"Roger!" I screamed out the window. "I can't do that."

I couldn't see him. He must've been closer to the porch, but I heard his voice say,"Yes, you can. Now get down here. I'll catch you."

I snorted."Whatever," I sighed under my breathe. But, as I said before, Roger was worth anything and everythign... Even breaking my leg from falling through my roof. So, I did as he did. I stepped out onto the roof, having a little of trouble getting through the window. When I got out there, I did the mistake of looking down. "That's high..." I said about to freak out.

Now I could see Roger and I noticed he rolled his green eyes. "Mark, just jump. You're such a baby."

Once again, I glared at his beautiful face. But I did as he said. I just jumped and I found myself touching the ground with my feet and falling forward, but instead of slamming into the ground, Roger was there to catch me, like he said.

I laughed at myself for stumbling and because I felt kind of adventurous. I had never done anything like that before... Acually, I had never done anything bad before. Sure, I'd been around all the weed and drinking of course, but I never did any of it, and now, it felt kind of good to finally do something different, something I could get in trouble for doing.

After our "couragous" jumps, the two of us walked hand in hand down the side walk. I didn't know where we were going, and I didn't care. I was so caught up in the moment of being with Roger and sneaking out of my home that I didn't even think about where we were headed. I didn't want to. I'd much rather just walk and be with Roger than worry about where I was going.

After about ten minutes of walking and after the excitement of being rebelous had slightly faided, I asked Roger where we were head. He took a deep breathe and shrugged his shoulders. "What do people normally do on dates?" he asked.

I just gave him a weird look. He was Roger Davis. He had obviously been with many people before. All of those rumors couldn't have been a lie. "You'd be the one to know," I said, thinking aloud.

"What's that suposed to mean," he said with a tiny bit of attitude.

The last thing I wanted to do was offend him, so quickly I deffended my comment. "It's just, you've been out with people before a lot of times...and I haven't." He didn't have anything to say then. Roger knew it was true. He had been out with people a bunch of times. After all, he was one of the most popular guys in our high school...well at least used to be, until he came out. Now, at least to most his friends, he was an outcast.

Finally Roger smiled over at me which made me smile too. "Well...You're right. I have been out with a lot of people. But I've never been really been _with _like anyone, the way I am with you. So I don't know what to do. 'Cause those people I was just dating, and you, I'm in a relationship with. It's a totally different thing." His sweetness always made me smile. I really felt special being with him. He was the only one who ever made me feel that way.

"Why are you so nice to me?" I asked holding his hand tighter.

"Why do you think?" he answered with another question. I just shrugged my shoulders. A deep smile formed on his face. "Because I love you." Then he pulled me closer to his side and put his arm around my back. I did the same.

After a while of walking I realized something. "We never figured out what we were gonna do? Are you hungry?" I asked, trying to come up with a suggestion that maybe we could go eat. That's what people did in movies when they went on a date. Maybe we could too.

"Zoom in on my empty wallet," he said with a sigh. He was right. Neither of us had any money even if we were hungry. Thankfully I wasn't hungry. "I'm not hungry anyways," Roger said agreeing with my thoughts.

As the two of us walked hand in hand, I thought more and more about what we could do. Everytime I thought of something, there was always a reason why we couldn't do it. Most of the time it was because we didn't have any money...Which sucked.

Finally, Roger's eyes widened the way they did before when he had the idea to jump out the window. He deffently had and new idea. "I know," he said happily. "Let's go to the park!"

I kind of expected his idea to be something that seemed more interesting. "The park?" I asked looking at him strangley. "What are we, five?"

He gave a fake offended look and playfully hit my shoulder. "You're mean! And I don't see you coming up with any better ideas." I just laughed at his offended expression. "Come on! The park could be very romantic," he said rasing his eyebrow trying to be seductive. "You know you want to..." The smiled. Once again I just laughed at his want to do something so childish. But I agreed and soon, we were at the nearest park.

Today wasn't cold and all the snow had melted so the fourteen block walk to the park wasn't bad. The warm air brought along a small cool breeze the moved Roger's hair. His hair also shined in the sun. It looked so pretty and once again I was jealous of it's beauty.

When we reached the park, there wasn't many kids there because of school and we basically had the whole play ground too ourselves to mess around with. At first we didn't do much, just walked around hold hands. His strong arms pushed me on the swings and when I felt like I was going to high and like I was going to fall off, he just laughed at me hysterically. And when I acually did fall off, he laughed even harder. "Roger!" I screamed at him. "You're mean!"

Quickly he ran over to the place where I had fallen kissed me. "I'm sorry," he said with a smile, trying not to laugh. "You're just hilarious." I gave him one of my famous death glare which made him lay another kiss on me. 'I'm sorry." he said, sound this time a little more serious.

"Liar," I replied playfully slapping his face.

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "That's it! I'm gonna get you now," he said trying to sound seriously angery. He failed.

"What?" I asked amussed.

"You better run...Now...'Cause you know I'm gonna get you know right? 'Cause I am," he explained. I just laughed at him and did as he said. I stood up as fast as possible and began to ran and before I knew it, he was right behind me. I had never been quite the runner. That's most likely the reason he had caught up to me so quickly. Just inches away, he jumped on my feet and the two of us fell in the sand. I quickly tried to crawl away, but he caught me. So I let him have me.

"I got you!" he claimed and pinned me to the ground holding my arms down while laying on me. All I could do was laugh. It felt childish to be playing foolish games, but it was fun, and that's all that mattered.

"Do I have to be your sex slave now that you've caught me?" I asked raising my eye brow. It was my sad attempt to be seductive.

Roger smiled and giggled. "You wish!" he said. Then he lightly planted a neck and then up to my mouth. It felt strange making out in a children's park, but whatever. I wasn't complaining and no one else was, so theres no problem or harm in it. "You know I love you more than anything, don't you?" Roger asked up into my eyes. By this time I wasn't pinned anymore and he was the one on the bottom.

I did know that, but it was still great to hear it. "Yes, I know. And I love you too...more than anything?"

Roger grinned. "More than your camera?"

I couldn't help, but laugh. "More than my camera," I replied planting a kiss on his cheek. "Waaay more."

**Okay, I don't know how long this is. I still don't know if I like the ending, but I guess I do. I love reveiws and thank you all so much for them. Priciate it. Oh, and I'm sorry it wasn't much of a date...but it was them spending time together which was good.**

**Love dovey enough? not really, I know. But I'm not too good at that stuff. I'll try harder to get better at that. Oh, and I know I have a lot lot lot of run-on sentences in this chapter and in pervious ones, sorry about that, but I try to get a lot in one sentence so that happens to me often. oh and I only proof read half of this...**

**Anyways...Thankies All fer everything!!! **


	16. The Truth

**Hehe...I'm glad you like the last chapter. I was shaking on it. I really didn't know what to do. This one I don't really either, Lol. So Ima prolly just write random stuff and mess around with it. But I think it will be a group thing with the whole gang...prolly. and it'll be happy. Im not gonna have any drama...i dont think. And Idk how good this'll be...I havn't slept in about like almost 40 hours, so ya. I'm tired...but w/e. My fic means more than sleep does! XD**

**Oh, and to let people know, u know that ch. when everyone is at marks house? well it says mimi is in there...but i lied... OKay. Mimi isn't in the story yet really. Mkay? so just foget she exsisted...until like now...but ya...**

**(Oh...and Kristen. Dirty Dancing just so happens to be a good movie and so what if I like to steal gay names from it, okay? I could've called her Francis or like Yoshabobbob, so ya...Deal with my totally awesome names if you don't like them? ...oh and don't steal my dropped call idea, Lol.)**

For the second time in two days, I woke up wiht Roger in my arms, holding him tightly our bodies pressed together. But this time, I woke to my alarm. School was happening today, no matter how seductive Roger tried to be. I guess I would just have to fight the urge to tackle him and kiss him all over.

Quickly, I jumped from my bed and began getting ready right away. Roger being the lazy prcrastinater he is, just layed in bed throwing the pillow over his head. I knew it didn't take him long to get ready, he showed me that yesterday, so him laying there wasn't bothering me. After putting on clothes, brushing my teeth, doing my hair, and just doing all the normal stuff I do to get ready, Roger was still laying on my bed, his face in the sheets.

"Roger," I called. "We have to go now." Now it was time for him to get up. School was in about fifteen minutes.

"Ugh..." he moaned. "Just give me a few minutes." I could barley understand him because of the way the pillow muffled his voice when he spoke.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. He was just like a little kid. "We don't have a few minutes!" I groaned snatching the pillow from the top of his head. All he did was groan, and then he covered his face in my white sheets. "Roger!" I screamed once again, this time bending over so it was right in his ear. He shook his head, but still didn't make an attempt to get up. This time I cleared my throat and really raised my voice,"Roger!"

"Fine!" he said obvioulsy annoyed. He was annoyed, but I felt accomplished.

Roger noticed the clothes I had laid out for him, since he'd been here a couples days and I was pretty sure he didn't want to wear the same clothes over and over again, and put them on...slowly. I guess I was wrong earlier. He's only fast when he wants to be, when he is going some where he likes. So, slowly, he got himself ready, and after what seemed like an eternity, he was finally done. I sped down the stairs to get to his truck and when I got in and buckled my seat belt, he wasn't even out the front door yet. Finally, when he did come out, it took him another twenty minutes to acually get into the truck.

"Why do you hate school so much?" I asked him while he was twisting the key to start it.

"I don't hate school...I just hate the people at school," he replied with a snotty. I didn't take any offense to his attitude. "Oh yeah, and it's way to early. I'm too tired." he complained.

"I go to school. Do you hate me?" I asked as if I didn't already know the answer to the question.

He rolled his shiney eyes and a smile formed on his face. I was waiting for that to happen. I missed. I hadn't seen it at all since we got up. "What do you think?" he answered my question with another question.

I shook my head slightly. "I have no idea," I said slowly lying through my teeth.

He just rolled his eyes again. "You're such a liar. You know I love you."

At that moment I felt my cheeks blushed. Everytime he said he loved me I got that feeling. It just seemed new each time and better each time. The butterflies would come and my face would turn red more every single time I heard those words...my favorite wordsin the whole world coming from him..._I love you._. "Yeah, I know you love me Roger," I replied. "I just like to hear it."

We talked sweetly like that the whole rest of the way to Paker High. By the time we got there, Roger's groaning and moaning about the early morning were totally gone, which was good. I liked it much better when he was happy, excited, and of course, sweet.

When we reached the school we did the normal. The two of us walked hand in hand over tward my group of friends. Joanne and Maureen were a little away from the group bickery about something, while the others just stood there, looking at me and Roger. When we got there, I was given a strange look from Angel and Collins. "Yes?" I asked cofused by their faces and the ways they were staring at me.

"And where were you yesterday?" Collins asked as if he was my parent about to ground me for coming home after curfew.

"I was sick..." I lied. Everyone knew I was lying. Even if I would have been sick, I would've came to school. I always did. Colds couldn't hold me back. All of my friends knew that. They knew how much school ment to me.

Angel gave me and extra weird look and then took on the roll of my mother. Playfully she grabbed my ear and yanked me tward her. "I know when you're lying," she said. And that was true, too. She always somehow did. "You're not very good at it," she added, which was also true.

I just gave slight chuckle and pulled my ear away from her grip. "Okay...I went to the park."

Collins raised his eyebrow as if he didn't believe me. "Why would you go to the park?" he asked still looking at me in disbelief.

"Its romantic," I said, using Roger's explenation.

Collins and Angel just turned their heads. Now they were facing Roger. "Oh, so you're the one that causing little Markie's absences?" Angel asked stil acting as if she was my mother.

Roger just kind of stood there with a blank look on his face, silently. "I...guess...so..." he finally replied.

Angel leaped up and gave him a big tight hug. Collins said, "Wow, Roger. We've been trying to get him to do something bad for years, but he's never had the balls, you know? How'd you do it anyways?"

Roger just paused and stared at Collins with a smile and raised his eyebrow. All he did was stare at him with a questioning blank...stupid, look. "Um...Tom," Angel said. "The same way you get me to do 'bad' stuff," she hinted in a seductive voice.

Collins grabbed Angel by the waist and pulled her tward him. "Ooo," he said lifting his eyebrows staring into Angel's eyes. But then his expression changed when he remembered who we were talking about: my boyfriend and I. He turned and looked at me for a moment and then at Roger. "Ewww...I don't want to think about them...doing...that." He stuck out his toungue in disgcust.

A death glare formed on my face as I stared at Collins. "Now _you_ know how _I _feel when you talk about you and Angel...doing whatever it is you two do. And you know you're just jealous cause you know I'm good," I replied trying to be sly. Of course it was a lie. I wasn't good... Well I wouldn't know if I was good or not. Nothing had every happened. How could I know?

Collins threw my glare back at me. "I know how to satisfy my woman," he said pulling her closer and looking into her eyes just before planting a kiss on her mouth.

"Wow," I heard Roger mummble under his breathe. I had to giggle at him a little. If he was going to be around us he would have to get used to the sick minded jokes. "Um..." he said this time louder. "This area is getting a little too heated for me at the moment," he smiled. "Besides, I gotta go talk to Benny about stuff. I'll see you later okay, Mark?" His green eyes caught mine which made me shiver. I just nodded lost in his eyes.

I watched the back of his head as he headed over to his "friend" or whatever it was that Benny was now. I guess he was his friend. Why else would he talk to him and laugh with him? But I still don't understand how he could be his friend after what the bastard did to me.

"So you're good I hear?" Maureen randomly asked wrapping her arm around my back and pulling me in a walk with her. I'm glad someone was talking to me. If she handn't I would have just stared, loathing Benny.

I just rolled my eyes. "I wish..." I mummbled loud enough for her to hear, but no one else. "We've only kissed. I havn't tried anything, and neither has he."

She just smiled with her big brown eyes looking into mine. "You can't rush it..." she sighed. "I've heard that a hundred times." It was funny. A girl like Maureen Johnson, whom was popular with the guys and ladies was telling me not to rush things. Irony is strange.

Finally the bell rang and the whole student body forced their own way into the crowded school. I really hated trying to get to my locker in the morning with all the crowds and people around packing into the narrow hallways. There is just way too many people. The only way to move was push and shove usually, and I wasn't any good at it and so of course, with my luck, I ran into someone and got pushed to floor.

"Shit!" I groaned.

My glasses had fallen off and I couldn't find them anywhere. Feeling the floor with my hand, I someone elses hand touched my mine and pulled me back to my feet. "Here," the person said and when my glasses were on my face, I noticed who it was. It was Benny...which was weird. Why would he help me? I know before he said he wanted to be friends with me and all that stuff, but that couldn't be true.

Now facing him, I remembered the way him and Roger were talking and laughing and I began to loath him again. With the worst, sarcastic and snottiest attitude I could come up with, I replied,"Thanks." But it wasn't just a fake, sarcastic thanks to him giving me my glasses. It was a fake, sacastic thanks to everything he's every done to me that made me feel like shit.

"Sorry," he said looking down at his feet. It was similar to the way Roger acted when he was in an uncomfy situation. "Can I talk to you...like away from all these people." He asked looking up at me.

Why would he want to talk to me? What could he possibly say that he hasn't already said? The only thing that he could...or would say was something bad. Or maybe more than that. Maybe he'd take his fist to my face again. But maybe it wasn't something bad... I supose before he did say he wanted to be my friend. But why? ...No... It couldn't be that. I had no idea where it was going, or how it would end, but I decided to talk to him.

Benny lightly patted my arm motioning that I should follow him, and I did. He lead me to a hallway leading tward the Tech. Ed rooms; there was no lockers down there and no kids to interupt or bother us.

Silently, he looked down at his feet. He was just standing there. Finally, I asked him,"Are you going to stand here or talk to me?" I made sure it was once again the worst sounding attitude I could choke out.

"S-Sorry," he mummbled, figiting with his feet. "I just need to talk to you about something...about someone."

I knew who it was. Who else could it be about? "Roger..." I said, not as a question, but as if he'd ask me who.

Lightly he shook his head, but still didn't look at me. "Yeah," he replied.

"What about him?" I asked since he still stood there silently.

"Well," he began. "It's just, he really means a lot to me, okay? S-So don't do anything to hurt him..."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Like you hurt me?" I asked still with an attitude. I still couldn't believe he was trying to talk to me about Roger, the whole reason that he beat me up in the first place.

Even though he was looking down, I still saw him squeeze his eyes shut tight and I also saw a small tear escape from his eye. Was he crying? No... He couldn't be...Could he? Quietly, he spoke, this time looking me in the face,"Yes..."

More tears flowed down his face. Why was he crying? He couldn't feel bad about what he'd done... Could he? And there, for a split second, I felt sympathy for him as he cried. But then it all came back to me as I realized how many time he made me cry and how many times I felt like shit because of him. "I could never hurt him like that," I replied. "I could never ever make _anyone, _especially him, feel the way you made me feel. I _would_ never." My hatred grew as I spoke to him and I found myself blurting out all my feelings that he had made me feel. "Do you have any idea how that made me feel, Benny?" Still he stared to the ground. "Do you!" This time i screamed into his face.

The tears became strong. "Yes..." he mummbled.

I shook my head. "Liar... You have no idea. You don't know what it's like to have people pass you in the halls and call you names just because of who you love. You have no idea what it's like to be beaten because you're not they way that people want you to be. You have no idea at all. So don't act like you do!" I screamed. I had had enough. If I would've stayed there and yelled and yelled at him and kept thinking about all the shit he put me through, I would have freaked out. I couldn't handle it. So without even looking back, I walked away. I had to.

The whole day went by so slowly. It seemed like in every class I couldn't pay attention. My mind was too busy repeated my short conversation with Benny. It drove me crazy. He said yes that he knew how it was being tortured by him everyday. Liar... He had no idea. He was a popular jock with rich parents and tons of friends. How could he know how it felt to be bullied and fucked with everyday? He couldnt...

Chemestry came finally. Roger would hopefully be a good sight for me and he was. I was happy to be by him, even though we couldn't talk. But no matter how happy I was to be with him, Benny kept reapearing in my head and I just felt so angry. I was just so pissed about him.

I found myself staring into nothing, not taking notes, and not listening to the teacher at all. It was too hard to try and concentrate so I simply gave into my angry mind.

Suddenly a folded piece of paper fell onto my desk. I looked around to see where it came from. It must've been Roger and when I opened it, it was. _Are you okay? _it asked.I pulled out a pen from my bad and began to write and tell Roger what happened. I handed it back to him, and within a minute it was back on my desk. _Is that all he said? He didn't say more right? Did he?! _

Roger's not made him sound panicy when I read it. But what was there to be panicy about... But still I asked: _What more is there to say?_

_Nothing, _Roger wrote in a quick reply.

_Then why were you all panicy about it? There has to be more that he would say for you to act like that, _I wrote, refolded the note, and then threw it onto his desk. I looked up to see if the teacher was watching, but he wasn't which was good.

I waited and waited for Roger to reply. But by the time that class was over, he hadn't. I tried my best to stop him, but before I could, he raced out of the class room. _Was he mad at me for something? _I asked myself. But I had to think positive. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom or maybe he had a class across the school he had to be to. Yes... It had to be something like that... Right?

I found myself figiting over and over in my head about Roger in my next class. I couldn't concentrate in this one either. First it was Benny and now it was Roger. I didn't know what to do. And when I went to Roger's locker, he saw me coming, and walked away...like he was avoiding me. Why was he doing this?

Finally, after school was out, I rushed over tward his locker. Thankfully, he was there when I arrived, but when he saw me coming, he started to leave. "Roger!" I called after him. Quickly, I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around so he was looking at me. "What's your problem?" I asked staring into his eyes.

He must've known how I just freaking out inside, because he sighed and finally started to talk to me. "Nothing..."

"You're lying," I said quickley. I knew he was. "Tell me the truth. Why were you freaking and wonder about what Benny said?"

Tightly he closed his eyes. I knew what he was doing. He was wishing he was some where else. "Can we not talk about this?" he asked.

"Roger... You don't have to hide anything from me. You can tell me anything and everything. Please understand that," I said looking deeper into his eyes. It was true. Every word.

"I know, I know," he reasured. "Not right now... Please. Can we just go to your house or something?" he asked frustrated sounding.

I nodded him a yes, and the two of us began walking to his truck. His sister was being picked up by his grandparents so we went straight to my house. When we got there, we went up to my room and for a minute just stood there. I wondered if he was going to talk, or if I was suposed to bring it up. I didn't know what to do. So I just stood there, hoping he would be the first to speak.

And he was. "Mark..." he sighed and walked tward me. Lightly he grabbed my hand and pulled me tward him. Wrapping his arms around my body, he pulled me even tighter our bodys touching. His emrald green eyes looked straight at me and all the bad feelings I had felt earlier went away. I melted in his arms.

His kiss was soft, gentle, but at the same time strong. The usual sensation and tingle of his kiss filled my body again while butterflies flapped their wings in my stomach. It was great. Being with Roger like this made me feel happy and secure and not alone. I never wanted it to end, but when he pulled away it did. And an explanation flowed from his mouth.

"Benny's not who you think he is..." He said separting our bodies but still holding my hand as we sat down on my bed.

I rolled my eyes. It made me angry our moment had to end, but we did need to talk...at least he needed to. "Oh, so he's not the biggest asshole in our whole high school?"

Roger sighed. "No..." he said quietly looking at the floor. "What he did was wrong... It was soooo extremley wrong, but he's not a bad person." he explained. His grip on my hand became tighter as he looked up into my eyes.

The eyes that normally had me trapped and made my angry melt away, couldn't do it this time. He was trying to tell me that Benny, the guy that beat me up for being different, was a nice guy. "If he's good, whats a bad guy to you, Roger?"

Tightly he closed his eyes and sighed. "You don't understand..."

"I know I don't understand. What is there to understand? Benny's an asshole. That's the end of it. What more is there?" There was no more. How could there be? I mean, I know that Roger and him had been friends forever and they talked and laughed, but Benny couldn't be a good person. At least not to me. He could never be a good person in my eyes.

"There is so much more to understand, Mark. I mean, you have no idea who he really is..." Roger said.

"Well explain it to me!" I repeated not that I believed any logic would change my veiw on him.

Roger sighed and looked at the floor. For moments he stared at my floor boards. "Okay..." he finally said. "I'll explain it..." He took a deep breathe. "Me and Benny have been friends since the begining of time. And...we...were sorta...more than friends..."

My eyes widened. I hear him wrong. I must've. There was no way... Was there? No...Not at all...No, no, no. Still, I needed him to explain more. "What do you mean?" I choked out.

He took another deep breathe and looked into my eyes. "Before, when he asked me if I was really gay, it wasn't because he didn't know I was... It was because he was suprised that I was acually with someone...openly. He was so scared that if I was open about being with you, then I would be open about being with him. And he didn't want that..."

I rolled my eyes. "If he was gay, then why would he do all the stuff he did to me? I mean, what the fuck is wrong with that picture?" Anger filled me. He was the biggest hypocrite I had ever seen in my life.

"He wanted to hide it so bad...so bad. Benny thought that if he did that stuff, no one would think he liked guys too, you know?" he said.

"No I don't know. What the fuck?! Did you do that too? Did you hurt other people too along with him?" I asked. Could Roger have done that? He always seemed so sweet, but if Benny was gay then the world really had to be fucked up.

Roger's eyes widened quickly and he deffended himself. "No. I never ever did that. I didn't understand Benny."

"But you still let him do it..." I said. "You were apart of it."

"No! I was not. Don't put me to blame. Please. It's just... When me and Benny were together it was great. I really was in love with him...but I couldn't take what he was doing. I didn't want any part of it. I told him it was over. And then... he freaked when he saw the note from you," Roger's eyes filled with tears.

I wasn't angery anymore. I thought I should be...but I wasn't. I was sympothetic. I acually felt bad for Benny...and for Roger. "You loved him?"

Roger nodded his head. "So much..."

Then it hit me. He still did. That's why he talked to him. That's why he laughed with him. That's why he left me to be with him. "Oh..." I sighed. "And you still do..." I added looking down.

Roger through my head up with his and shook it hard. "No... I love him like a brother. He needs me right now. He's just going through stuff, okay?"

I really didn't believe him. Deep down I knew he wanted to be with him. He had to...

Roger pulled me tward him as we layed down. Now I was laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat. It sounded like music. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to listen to it forever. "Mark," Roger said softly looking down at me.

"Yeah," I asked. I knew he was going to tell me how he really felt. How deep down he wanted to be with Benny and not me.

His words were soft and gentle like his kiss and his voice was like velvet. "You know I love you more than anything?" It suprised me. Could that really be true? Could he really be over Benny? "I'm way over Benny, Mark," he said as if he had hear my thoughts. "Not a moment goes by that I don't think about you. Every second I find myself wanting just to be with you and dreaming about you. I can't concentrate when I think about your face and I think about the way you fill me up...the way you make me feel alive and going and great and wonderful and so much more. It's amazing. What I had with Benny was nothing like this. I loved him, but not nearly as much as I love you. You have to understand that. I have to be with. You are just some amazing. You're so perfect I love you so much!"

His words shot me like a bullet. It was nothing I expected. It was exactly what I wanted to hear though, what I needed to hear. It was amazing. He was amazing. "I love you," I said... And then we kissed and just like that, everything was perfect.

**Didn't proof read this. It's bedtime for me. Hope Roger's sweetness doesn't seem out of charactor...**

**My friend Sam was right, I need drama in a relationship, Lol. So Benny is the drama. It was a suprise. But i like suprises and i hope you do too. I hope it doesn't seem to totally unbelievable tho. i want it to sound real...does it? Lol.**

**Thanks for reveiws from everyone besides kristen, Lol. She's just jealous at my mad word making up abilities...**

**Well nighty night. Thankies all! **


	17. Towel

**Okay, not too good with lovey dovey stuff, but i'll try to do it. i agree with my reveiwer, it's time to make them go to the next level and all that jazz so i'll try doing that for them. Even though I wouldn't know the first thing about it sense im fourteen... and a chick. So ya. You've been warned though. Beware that this chapter may totally suck.**

**Omg... but thank you guys so much for reveiws. They keep me alive fer real. **

Waking up with Roger was something that seemed to always happen lately. Opening my dreary eyes to his peaceful face as he slept was a wonderful suprise every morning. And I hoped it could keep happening day after day after day. But I knew that sometime his grandparents would force him to come home and my dad would make him leave. My mother probably would've let him move though.

I wanted so bad just to lay there with him and hold him and stare at his tan face, but another day of school needed to happen and I felt guilty about missng one before that there was no way I was missing another one. Lightly I scooted out from underneath Roger, trying not to wake him, and began to get ready for school.

After I took a shower and got dressed, I woke Roger telling him it was his turn for a shower. Reluctantly, he did as I said and got into the hot water. By the time I was finished, Roger had just arrived from the shower in my bedroom.

Not yet clothed, the only thing hiding him was a small blue towel around his waist. I found myself staring at his almost naked body. His chest and torso looked so strong and his abs looked hard as rocks. Of course, I had seen him with out a shirt, but for some reason today I just stared at him. He looked so beautiful. His wet hair rested on his face and water poured down it. I turned away because I didn't want him to see me stare at him, but I knew that he was only feet away totally naked with just one small towel. It was hard to fight back the urge to just pounce on him.

"Do you have some clothes I can wear?" Roger asked. I turned around and once again I found myself just staring at him wanting more and more every second. "Mark, clothes?" I twitched and snapped back to reality, even though what I really wanted to do was just look at him. I could've done it for hourse.

Slowly, I made my way to my dresser and scrownged through it, not that I really wanted to find him some clothes. I would've been perfectly happy with him standing there naked for the rest of the day. But still, I had to find him some clothes. Finally, after minutes of digging and minutes of holding back temptation, I found a simple black t-shirt and a pair of jeans that would hopefully not be too tight along with some plaid boxers.

"Here," I said looking down handing him my clothes, but he didn't take them. I could feel him staring at me as I stared at the floor. My cheeks began to blush and fill with redness as I became more and more embarassed.

"Does this make you uncomfortable?" Roger asked. This time I looked at him and I saw a smile on his face

I gulped hard and lied with all my might. "No."

Roger rolled his wonderful emrald eyes and then I just stared into them. The temptation came back again, but I fought it off, even though I didn't want to. What I really wanted to do was jump on him and tell him to take me and the more and more I thought about it, I became more and more self conscious about what was going on a little south of the border.

"You don't have to lie to me," Roger said bringing my attention onto his face and away from imagining what was behind his towel.

He still had a smile on his face. Was it really that obvious that I wanted him so bad? Nervous, I just kind of looked away embarassed. "I'm not lying," I choked out lying again.

I heard a giggle come from his mouth. "Mark, I know you too well. You can't lie to me," he said. It was true. He knew me way too well and this time, it wasn't a good thing that he did. We both just stood in silence, his clothes still in my hand. "Come here," he said randomly. Hesetation filled me. Getting closer to him would probably make me want to do it even more, so I just stood there, looking the other way. "Mark," he sighed. "Come here."

I did as he said and told myself that it would've been his fault if I would've attacked him passionatley because he was the one standing in front of my naked. But, once again, I held it back far inside of me. When I got closer to him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in closer to him, so our bodies were touch. This made me even more self-conscious.

"You're funny, you know," he said looking me straight in the eye with a giant smile on his face.

My jaw dropped and I gave him a fake offended look. "And why is that?" I asked.

He chuckled a little to himself. "Because you're so scared of how you feel," he explained.

"No, no I'm not," I lied. He was right. I was scared. It was strange too. I had never wanted to be with someone the way I wanted to be with Roger at this moment.

His smile got bigger. "What did I tell you before?" he asked still staring at me. "You're a terrible liar!" he answered his own question. "If you want me, tell me because you know I always want you."

His words were big suprise. He'd never talked to me about being _with _me before and he'd deffinetly never tried anything. Maureen was wrong about me waiting for him, he wanted me to make the first move. "If you always want me," I began,"Then why don't you ever take me?"

He looked away and giggled like he was nervous. "Well, I know you've never done anything before and I don't want to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do," he answered. You always hear about the people who pressure their partners to be with them and how uncomfortable it makes their partner feel, and I suppose Roger didn't want to make me uncomfortable.

"Well what if I do want to do it?" I asked raising my eyebrow trying to be seductive. "What if I want to do it right now?"

Roger laughed and a giant grinned filled his face. The butterflies began to fill me up. "Well," he said joining me with his eyebrow raising. But then his expression changed and he pulled away still holding my hand though. "I guess that'll just have to wait until after school."

My death glare focused on my boyfriend. "Roger!" I groaned. "I thought you didn't like school?"

He looked at me. "No. School is great. We have to go to school. We can never ever miss school again. It's wrong!" His imatation of me was slightly offending, even though it was true.

"You're a bad me," I said giving him a dirty look.

All he did was laugh and pull me closer to him. "Aww, I love you," he said with a puppy dog pout.

I rolled my eyes. "You better."

As smiled filled his face as he pulled me closer to his body. When his lips touched mine an electric shock ran through my whole body. All I could do was kiss him stronger and more passionately. There was no way I could pull away. Our kisses were wonderful. They always were, but before I was ready to, Roger pulled us apart. "School..." he said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes with a sigh. And no matter how much I hated it, he was right. We had to go to school.

* * *

Since Roger and I had spent so much time talking about being together and kissing, when we reached our high school, students were already rushing in. First hour came too soon and me and Roger were quickly seperated.

The feeling that I'd felt earlier with Roger, hadn't gone away. In first hour I could barely consentrate. The most of the hour was spent with me thinking about Roger and how close his body had been to mine and how close we had been to changing me forever. The other part of the hour was spent trying to hide and not make it obvious to others, how I was feeling.

The whole day went on like this. It was hard and scary, especially at lunch with all my friends around. I thought surely one of them would notice, but thankfully none of them did and I was relieved when the next class came.

Soon enough it was Chemestry hour and I was excited. Roger would be right in front of me and maybe we could talk or pass notes, so now I wouldn't have to be dreaming about him. He was right there to stare at.

I was wrong. Seeing him made everything worse. Even though the only thing I saw was the back of his head, I still thought about him so much and thought about the way his body looked in just a towel, barely convered up.

* * *

Finally the day ended and I was so relieved. Roger came to my locker and the two of us decided to head to my house like we had been doing for the past few days. I really hoped that we would do something we hadn't done yet at my house.

"We have a Chemestry test," Roger groaned.

I had barely heard him since my head full of visions. "We do?" I asked.

"Duh... Didn't you listen?" he questioned as we pulled up to my house.

"Not exactly," I addmitted with a smile.

Roger just laughed at me. "Been keeping your hormones undercontrol?" He aksed sticking out his tongue.

I rolled my eyes and soon enough we were at my house. Instantly I grabbed his hand and pulled him up into my room. Kissing him passionately, the two of us fell onto my bed. I was letting out everything I had locked up all day.

"Wow, wow, wow," he said pushing my head away from his. "Listen to me." I moved my lips from his and started kissing his neck. I heard him giggle, but then quickly clar his troat. Once again, he pushed me away. "Mark. I siad we have Chemestry test. We have to study. Come on." Then he pushed me away and my heart sank.

"I hate you," I said rolling my eyes. That was probably the biggest lie I had ever said. It was so far from the truth.

Roger just laughed at me. "Liar," he said with a huge smile.

I grinned back him. "I know."

Then Roger walked over and opened his bag pulling out our book. The two of us sat, leaning against my wall, reading the chapter we were on. I was too busy thinking about other stuff, that I couldn't even pay attention when Roger's sweet voice read. "Mark!" Roger snapped when he found me not paying attention.

"I'm sorry," I said and grabbed his hand. "It's just so boring."

"Would it be boring if I did this?" Roger asked and pulled me in and planted a soft kiss on my lips which sent a spark through my whole body.

"No, not at all," I answered smile when we pulled apart. "But I'm pretty sure that Roger and Mark's sex life isn't one of the subjects that's gonna be on the test," I said.

Roger giggled at me smiling the cutest smile ever. "Who said anything about sex?"

I looked down a little and then up into his eyes. "I did."

Roger's eyes immediatley lit up and began to glow. "Yeah, I'm sure that one page we read covers most of the test.. but are you sure?" he asked looking deep into my eyes. I didn't even say anything. He knew I was sure. He knew I wanted him so bad and that I loved him so much that there was no possible way I wasn't sure. So, right at that moment on my bed room floor, the two of us expressed the love that we had kept inside so long.

**Okay, yes, kinda short. But I'm not too good with this stuff. And I hope Mark's totally hornyness wasn't too hard to believe. And I also hope that Roger's wanting to study isn't hard to believe either. Oh, and idk if going into detail about them having sex was something that should go on, so i didn't do that. Sorry if you wanted it, Lol. **

**Hm... Reveiws are amazing people. I love the positive feed back. It's wonderful. you all are totally wonderful. You have no idea how much it means to me!!! ...well everyone beside mean kristen... Lol. And I didn't proof read this. I have a habit of writing my stories late at night like its almost four right now, so im too lazy and tired to do that. Sorry! Forgive me please.**

**Thankies All!!! **


	18. Invincible

**SORRY PEOPLE! I've been trying to live my last bit of summer up and now school is starting and writers block and just so many things have been keeping me from writing. It's just been pretty weird lately. Kinda bad acually :[ So now it's gonna be even harder to write all the lovey dovey shit.. Cuz guys suck.. like a lot.. when they lie.. and say they love you.. and then they dont.. OMG! here I go again. I'm done. It's time to write my fic!! Lol. **

**Idk what this chapter is gonna bring really. DRAMA! Of course. Plus I've been watching a lot of Degrassi so I'm totally in love with drama, so beware there will be much more..**

"Morning sunshine," I heard a voice say as I sat up from my bed.

My eyes were blurry from just waking up and not putting on my glasses, but I immediatley knew who it was. "What the hell are you doing here Collins?" I asked with a yawn. I reached over onto my night stand next to my bed and grabbed my glasses. When I put them on, I saw Roger dressed sitting on my floor against the wall with Collins in front of him.

"Your mom let me in," he explained. "Angel had to babysit today and I was bored as hell at my house so I figured I check up on my favorite albino pumkin head."

I rolled my eyes, but Roger let out a huge laugh. "Psh, next time I'll make sure she leaves you outside," I groaned.

Collins laughed and just went on talking to Roger the way he had been before I woke up. Silently, I looked down at myself. _Shit, _I thought, _I'm naked. _Looking around the room, I found my boxers thankfully next to bed and grabbed them then dressed myself under the covers. My shirt was across the room. We had taken it off in a hurry. So I walked over, put it on, and tried to join Roger and Collins conversation.

"What are you two talking about?" I asked sitting down next to Roger.

"Nothing really. I was just asking Roger how hard he laughed when you pulled your pants down," Collins said with a smile. Roger let out a giggle, but stopped laughing when he noticed my death glare at Collins.

"You have a cruel sence of humor," I groaned even though I was used to his playfull bullying. We had always been that way, and I didn't mind it. He was like that to everyone, well besides Angel of course.

Collins began talking to Roger again, but I ignored him. I just turned to Roger and stared at his beauty and I was just so amazed by how much I loved him. As I thought about last night activities, I some how loved him even more. He was my first, and I wanted him to be my last. I couldn't even imagine being with someone else. He was just so wonderful... Everything about him was.

Then I felt bad for Collins. He loved Angel just as much as I loved Roger and he couldn't even hang out with her today. Every second I'm not with Roger, I'm wishing I was. Especially in class when all the teacher does is babble on, I think about him and really wish I was with him. I could spend my life with him and I wanted to so bad.

Roger was so close to me. I pulled myself tward him and placed my arm around his waist and held him tight as if it was the last time I would ever see him. I wanted to spend forever like that with him close to me, so I held on tighter. Just holding him was enough for me. Just the feeling of his body pressed up against mine was incredible. And last night was way more than incredible. I can't even explain it. Love is just the most powerfull emotion I had ever felt before and I never wanted it to end.

Then there was a knock at my door. Naturally, I flung myself away from Roger from fear of who it could be. If it would've been my father something bad surely woudl've happened.

Standing in the doorway was my little brat of a brother holding the phone in his hand. "Somebody is on the phone asking for Thomas," he said in his annoying voice.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. But not because he was here, but because I had rushed away from Roger when I didn't need to. I scooted my back to his side. "Give us the phone," I said reaching my hand out.

"You're not Thomas," he said giving me a dirty look.

"Thomas _Collins_, Dumbass. Now give us the phone," I said stating the obvious.

Another dirty look was shot my way from him and then he reluctantly walked in and handed the phone to Collins. "Hello? ...Oh hey baby," Collins said. It was Angel. Knowing that they would be on the phone forever (they always were), I scooted closer to Roger so we could talk and hopefully share a good morning kiss between us before Collins was off the phone.

"Hey," I said quietly looking him straight in the eye. My hand was once again around his waist and I held him tightly.

"Good morning," he replied back with a smile staring back. "You were out like a light. Thankfully Collins got here otherwise I would've been just laying there forever until you woke up."

I gave a small chuckle. "You could've woken me up, you know. I feel bad when you are bored at my house," I told him truthfully.

He rolled his beautiful eyes and shook his head. "Naw. You're way to cute when you sleep," he said with a smile.

Before I knew it, we were kissing softly and gentle. His hand moved to my inner thigh and I would've loved doing everything we did last night, but we couldn't. Collins was there. My hand moved down from his face going farther down until it was begining to drift into his shorts.

"Wow, wow, wow Mark," Roger said pulling away from me and frocing my hand away. "Can we keep this PG13 while Collins is still in the room please?" He said with a smile.

Although it wasn't what I wanted to do, I pulled away with a sigh. "Sorry," I mummbled. But still I held him tight.

"Hey," Collins said holding the phone away from his ears talking to the two of us. "How about everyone hangs out over here today? Angel gets done babysitting in a half hour so she can come over then and we can call Maureen and Joanne and tell them to come over too. It can be a group party thing." Collins looked at me with questioning eyes, even though I think he already knew the answer.

"No," I said immediatley.

"What? Why not?" Roger asked looking at me with the same look Collins gave me.

"I have a dad, you know. An evil one. I don't think he's gonna want five billion teenagers at his house," I groaned. Which was one hundred percent true. He hated when all my friends were over. We were always too loud, or too annoying, or there was too many of us. The only time a lot of people were usually able to come over was special occasions.

Collins rolled his eyes. "Ask your mom retard."

That wasn't that bad of an idea. My mom was usually too nice to say no to my friends. She acually liked them, unlike my father. So, I went downstairs and found her cooking some kind of food and asked. "Hey, can a couple of friends come over or something. We're pretty bored."

"Collins is already here. And you know how your father gets." I sighed. Somehow I knew she was gonna play this game with me. She wanted me to beg and call her mommy.

"Mommy. Please. I mean, Collins doesn't like being without Angel. And then if she comes over and we don't invite Maureen and Joanne, those two are gonna get mad 'cause we left them out. Come on, please." I said, going along with what she wanted to hear.

A smile came to her face and she turned around and planted a kiss on my cheek. As quickly as I could I pulled away and whiped my face off. She wasn't offended though. She just laughed. "Sure honey. You can bring friends over. But don't be too loud. Your father will get angry."

"I know, I know," I replied with a sigh. "My mom said yes," I told Collins and Roger once I reached my bedroom again. Quickly, I went and sat next to Roger again. Even being away from him for that minute or so made me miss him.

"Hey," he said with a small smile wrapping his arm around me. "I have a supirse for you."

Immediatley, I raised my eyebrow questioning. "What? Why?" I asked confused.

"I'm not telling you!" he said knowing that it would torture me not to know. "If I told you it wouldn't be a suprise."

"Well, if you tell me, I promise I'll act suprised when it happens," I replied trying to bargin even though I knew there was no way it would work.

Roger just shook his head. "But I got to go get a change of clothes at my house. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Just wear mine. You always do.." I replied. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay there with me so I gaze into his eyes and tell him how much I loved him.

A small grin and chuckle escaped Roger's mouth. "Mark, your clothes don't fit me, okay? You're small.."

I placed a fake frown on my face. "Come on!" I pleaded. But all he could do was shake his head. Then with a kiss and an 'I love you', he was gone.

By the time he returned, Angel, Maureen, and Collins were at my house waiting for Roger. Once I told them he had a suprise for me, they all became curious too. But I think I was the most curious. Roger was me most of the time. How could he come up with a suprise without me knowing? Not that I didn't want a suprise. I mean, anything from Roger makes me feel great.

Finally, after an hour a knock was on my door. Knowing it was Roger, I rushed over. "Does it really take you an hour for you to get dressed?"

Roger rolled his beautiful eyes. "Shut up. I had to get ready for your suprise."

"What suprise?" I questioned again more anxious than I'd ever been before.

A big smiled formed on his face. "You'll see." And then he ran back down the stairs, but before I knew it, Roger was back up with something else. His gutiar. Why would he have that? He'd never played in front of me before. I asked him so many times, but he just wouldn't, and now he had it. But why? Was he going to play it?

"Okay guys.. Well, Mark, I have a suprise for you," Roger announced grabbing my hand and motioning for me to sit on the bed. "Here I go.." he said. Everyone looked at him attentively, but me the most. I was so excited. My heart was pacing so fast.

Roger slowly strumbed some notes on his guitar and began to sing. His voice was perfect. Raspy, but not bad.. just soo perfect. "_I memorized all the words for you,  
but if you only knew, how much that's just not like me. I wait up late every night just to hear your voice, but you don't know that's nothing like me_.." Immediatly, I felt special. He wasn't just playing. He was playing for me.. Singing these words to me. "_I want to make sure everything is perfect for you. If you only knew, that's not like me to follow through. Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams, just to be with you. But you don't know that's nothing like me_." Tears ran down my face. Tears of happiness. I was too overwhelmed to see how the others reacted. I left my eyes on Roger. "_Now I'm waking up. I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime. I never thought I'd survive it. Now I'm taking back all I gave up for that; leave my pain behind; wash these stains from my life. Just when I thought all was lost, you came and made it all okay_.." He paused slightly and stared at me with a smile. "_I can't be held responsible. This is all so new to me. Just when I think I'm invincible. You come and happen to me. I memorized all the words for you. If you only knew, how much that's just not like me_.." He ended softly staring at me.

Before I knew it, I jumped on him and kissed his soft lips, pushing him against the wall. But then I remember that others were in the room, so I softly pulled away. "I love you more than you can imagine.."

"I love you too," he said softly, almost singing it.

**Ehk, Idk. Writers block sux. I hope this doesn't. I know I didn't express feelings very much in this, but I think you can get the picture. ..oh, I guess I was wrong before, there's no drama in this chapter! Yay!**

**Oh, and that song is Invincible-Crossfade. It fucking rox. I know it doesn't exactly spell out ROGER DAVIS, but idc. I thought the lyrics were great for this. I mean, when I heard this song I was all 'OMG! THIS WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MY FIC!' So I used it. If you like the lyrics and stuff, downlaod it. It's a great song..**

**And once again, sorry it took so long to update!!!**


	19. Do I Love You?

**Okay. I know its been forever since I've updated this, but I really am going to try to get it going again. I also want to do a sequal to it, which will be soon, cuz I think ima end this one. not like right now, but in a few chapters or so. ...well here's my new chapter. Enjoy.**

**And btw. um.. I know I said this before, but please forget that mimi was ever in the story before because she is now as a new person. so sorry about that. I'm dumb and don't exactly think things through, but oh well, people don't hold that against me... please!**

Ever since that night, everything was perfect. I was so happy. Roger and I were never apart and it was amazing, he was amazing.

But then one night, something strange happened. Roger and I planned on going to the movies, but it didn't happened. I was so looking forward to a nice make out session, but when it was time to go, Roger wasn't at my house to pick me up. _He's probably just running late, _I told myself, even though I didn't fully believe it.

Everytime I called his house to see where he could be, no one picked up. _Where is he?_

I waited until nine, two hours later then when we first planned on leaving, to stop calling. I really didn't want to, but I didn't want to sit around waiting for him either. I mean, what did he expect? Me to come running to him whenever he wanted?

Then the phone ran and I jumped up excitedly. I felt silly for being so excited after I'd answered to hear Collins voice on the other line. "How was the movie?" he asked.

"Non-existant," I sighed. "I havn't heard from Roger all day."

"So he just blew you off?" When collins put it that way, it sounded terrible, but when I thought about it, it was true. He did blow me off, didn't he?

"I guess so," I answered through my grinding teeth. I was angry now. How could he have done that to me?

"Did you call him?"

"Of course. No one answered," I said.

"Wow, that sucks," he said, then I heard some voices on the other line in the distance. Sounded like his mom. "Hey, I gotta go. See ya."

"Bye," I sighed, and then I was off to thinking about how mad I was. More than mad, actually. Furious. It was rediculous. How could he just ditch me like that? He better have a good explanation.

I fell asleep pissed that night. I hadn't seen Roger all day or even talked to him, and that was something I seemed to need to survive. Well, I guess I could live without it, but what would be the fun in that?

I longed to touch his skin, kiss his lips. That night I dreamed of his touch and woke up in a good mood. But that didn't mean I forgot about what he did, I just wasn't pissed anymore. I thought about the alternatives, and I figured he must've gotten in trouble with grandparents is all.. At least it better be.

I waited on my stoop for him as usual and he arrived on time, thank god. I didn't know how I'd react if he was late. I got in not saying much to him. I didn't want to. I was still angry. But even though I was, it took all my might not to talk to him and hear his beautiful voice.

"So whats up?" he asked casually. No "I'm sorry for ditching you", no "It sucks that I couldn't hang out with you last night, or no "I'm so sorry I missed our plans. I love you so much!" What was his problem?

Now I was even more mad that he didn't even realize his mistake or he thought he could get away with just acting like he could get away with it. So I ignored him.

"Mark, didn't you hear me?" Roger asked.

I heard him all right, but I wasn't about to let him know that all I wanted to do was hear his voice. I couldn't let my wants and needs of what I had to do, get confused.

"Are you mad at me?" Then I got really pissed. How could he not know that?

"Gee, I wonder," I replied sarcastically.

"What are you mad about? I didn't even do anything," he said, trying to defend himself. Well, it wasn't working.

"Yeah, exactly. You didn't do anyting that you were supposed to do," I groaned raising my voice. He needed to realize that I this was serious, that I was really angry.

"Um, what was I supposed to do?" It was like he had no reaction to my fury. He was talking like we were having a nice conversation. Did he not realize that that made it worse?

"And you don't even know!" I was screaming now.

That was when that we pulled up to school. Instantly I got out and walked away, slamming my door. Roger followed, which I was secretly greatful for, and grabbed my arm turning to look at him.

Was this part of his plan to make me less pissed? Show me his beautiful face and I'd forget that I was mad? Well, it almost worked, but I couldn't let him get away with it.

"Tell me what I did," he pleaded. There was something in his eyes now, something that made it seem that he was really sorry for whatever it was he did, and I immediately felt guilty.

"We had plans last night. We were supposed to go to the movie, but you never showed up. And then I called your house over and over again and no one answered," I explained. I wasn't screaming at him anymore. The look he had on did that to me.

"Well, I'm sorry," he said simply, not even bothering to explain himself or even come up with some lame excuse that I woudln't believe anyways, but just the fact that he tried would make me feel better. But he wasn't even doing that.

"Where were you?" I questioned.

Roger looked down at the ground then. He seemed ashamed. But when he looked up, he smiled and that made me smile. Then he kissed me, softly, passionately.

"That wasn't an explenation Roger," I told him. But I wasn't angry. How could I be when I had this beautiful boy that was in love with me?

"I just went out with some friends. No big deal. Now come on," he said. "We better get to class."

I hadn't even heard the bell ring, but when I looked around everyone was already in the building. So the two of us rushed to class.

Chemistry came not too much later and I was happy about that. I would see Roger and this time we wouldn't be fighting. We would be having fun, talking, for real this time.

But when I got there, it wasn't exactly as I expected. I walked to my seat, but wasn't able to sit down. Some skinny Latina chick was in my spot. She had the nappiest long brown hair and I had the urge to brush all the gross snarles out, but I coudln't exactly do that.

But the thing that bothered me most, was that Roger was talking to her. I mean, I don't get angry when he talks to people, but he should be talking to me, not her. And it bothered me.

And it seemed less of talking, more of flirting. Which got that anger before bubbling inside me.

"Um, you're in my seat," I said to the girl. It came out a little more snotty than expected, but I wasn't about be nice to some chick that was sitting in _my _seat, talking to _my _boyfriend.

She smirked a little, which obviously made me mad, and turned to sit on Roger's desk, still talking to him. Instead of staying turned around to talk to me, Roger turned with her and they kept on with their conversation.

"Class," my teacher groaned,"We have a new student." The girl that had been in my seat, the one I didn't even know the name of but began to hate, stood up smiling to everyone. "This is Mimi Marquez. Please welcome her to our school." Obviously Roger was already doing that. "You can sit here," he said, pointing to a seat that was thankfully across the room.

But instead of moving, she sat there, on Roger's desk, flirting with him, and the teacher didn't even make her move. He walked to his computer and did whatever it was that he always did on it. Probably looking at porn.

"So, like I was saying," she went on talking to him. Mimi was my human form of the word hate.

"Don't bother with Davis," some boy said. Of course it was part of Benny's lame posse. "He's a fag."

Mimi glared at him, ignored him, and went on talking to Roger. Of course, I listen in on it. "So are you really gay?" she asked leaning toward him.

"I'm bi," he said. I made a blank face even though I knew he couldn't see me. This was news to me. He always told me there was nothing about girls he was attracted to. I guess that was a lie.

"So are you seeing anyone?" she asked smiling. It took all my might not to stand up and push her away.

"I see you," he said and even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smiling.

I snorted at this. This was just perfect. My boyfriend was a foot away from and flirting with some girl. Both of them turned around looked at me with an annoyed look. "What?" I asked, and went to grab a notebook out of my bad and pen so it looked like I was doing something and not listening to them.

"Yeah, but seriously," she said, leaning even closer to him. "Are you dating someone?"

He nodded a little and said,"Yeah. I have a boyfriend." I was suprised he even acknowledged I exsisted. By now I half way expected him to run away to go fuck her in the janitor's closet.

"Oh," she said, pulling back more. "Boyfriend", she repeated. "Who?"

"Mark," he said, motioning to me behind him. Wow. He knew my name.

"Wow. I never would've guessed."

"Why?" I asked. The way she said it offeneded me. Both Roger and I waited for an answer.

She smiled a little. "You just seem so different."

"You don't even know me, or him, or anything about our relationship," I said now. I was pissed and I wanted to say something. I had to. All of this, all of the things that had been going on today, were getting to me. I had to let out some steam.

"Mark," Roger scolded. "Could you be more rude?"

I stared at him in disbelief. What?! You'd think he'd be on my side. But I guess not.

Thankfully, the teacher was done at his computer and he told everyone to sit down. If he wouldn't've, I don't know what I would've done or said. I most likely would've flipped on Mimi, or even Roger. It seemed like I was being way more pissed at him today than loving him. What was wrong with that picture?

"So do you want to hang out?" I asked Roger, while jumping into his car. Maybe spending a little time with him would resolve this internal conflict of mine. The one where I loath Mimi and Roger is the reason why.

"Actually," he said slowly. "I kind of already have plans."

"With who?" I asked annoyed. You'd think that after how mad he made me earlier, that he'd want to fix that. I mean, how did he know that I still wasn't angry? Maybe he just didn't care.

"Mimi," he said simply.

I tried to disguise the anger in my voice when I spoke, but it wasn't easy. "Why?" After I said it, I realized how snotty I sounded, but at that moment, I didn't really care.

"Because she's my friend. Is that a problem?" Roger asked. Now he sending back that same tone whihc only caused further fury.

"Did I say it was?" I asked back. Then I sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was start a fight. I hadn't been with Roger for days and I didn't want to prolong that. "It's just... I wanted to hang out with you, is all."

"Well, I have plans tonight. Does tomorrow sound good?" he asked. He didn't have the snotty tone anymore and it seemed as though he didn't want to start a fight either. I was happy about that.

"Yeah. Tomorrow sounds great." Which was true. I already couldn't wait to get my hands on him.

But then I thought less about what we would do, but more about what him and Mimi would be doing tonight. I mean, he said he was bi to her. Is that saying something more? "Can I ask you something?" I questioned.

"Of course," he answered.

"I don't mean to sound like rude, or whatever, but why are you hanging out with her?"

"She's a nice girl," he replied.

"Oh," I said. And left it at that.

The rest of the drive home we were silent. There wasn't much to say. Especially when I had visions of Roger and Mimi in my head. Visions I really did not want to see.

But how did I know these weren't going to come true. I mean, I've always trusted Roger and I believe him 100 when he says that he loves me, but with the way he was flirting earlier, it makes me think more things could be possible. Worse things.

Would he really hurt me like that though? Or was I just getting worked up over nothing? What if I wasn't? What if it was true? Would I be able to survive it? ...I needed answers to these questions. But I couldn't get them. Not now. I had to wait and see, while hoping for the best.

"Mark, did you hear me?" Roger's voice startled me. I hadn't heard him. I didn't even notice we were at my house.

"What?" I asked trying not to sound to dumb for zoning out.

"Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" He asked looking straight into my eyes. His eyes were different than normal. They weren't happy, but kind of down. But still concerned.

"Are _you _okay?" I questioned, hoping that he was alright.

"Don't worry about me. I'm asking you. Tell me whats wrong."

"Well, it's just that there is so many things that I don't know. Like I don't know if that Mimi chick likes you? And if you like her," at this his eyes widened,"Or if something will happen. Something bad. Something that would hurt," I confessed. It was hard to tell him this, and I could tell that he was stunned.

"Do I love you?" he asked. What kind of question was that.

"Roger," I sighed.

"No, Mark," he said stern now,"Do I love you?" I nodded slowly. "Say it."

"I know you love me," I answered looking up at him.

With a smile, he reached over and softly kissed my cheek. "Then don't worry. I will always love you."

**Okay. Well this chapter was lame, but I'm just getting started with some new conflicts and such. hope you liked. and sorry again for it taking forever and all that stupid stuff with Mimi.**

**Thankies. (reveiws would also be peachy)**


	20. Rethinking

**an: well this chapter isn't too fantastic, but very dramatic indeed. i hope you enjoy it though, and don't worry, things will change within the next chapter. **

That night was the worse night of my life, it seemed. All I could think about was the way Mimi seemed to make Roger smile, the way she seemed to want him, and the way he seemed to want her back. And it scared me.

Once again, its not as if I don't trust Roger or anything of that sort, but it just seems very hard to believe. How inoccent could an evening become, when both people seemed to want more?

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe everything just seemed that way, and it wasn't true. Maybe she really was just a good girl, as Roger had said, and maybe she didn't want to be with him. But as much as I told myself these things, the idea of Roger and Mimi together never escaped my mind.

When the phone rang, I jumped, deep in thought. With a sigh, I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" I asked.

"Hey," Roger answered.

_Thank god,_ I said to myself. I was instantly happy he was home, and out of the clutches of Mimi. Now it was my turn. I could hear his voice, listen to his words. "What are you doing?" I asked, just trying to start a conversation, even though what I really wanted to know is what he _did. _

"Nothing. You?" he asked quickly. For some reason, he sounded distant for this conversation. Like he had something more to say, something else to talk about.

"Just sitting here," I replied, waiting for him to bring up whatever it was that he wanted to.

We were silent for a moment, like neither of us had anything to say. I was waiting for him to say something, maybe he was waiting for me. ...Maybe there was nothing left to talk about.

Just as I was about to speak, about to come up with some lame excuse for a conversation, he said,"Do you think I can come over for a bit?"

I lit up on the inside for this. I had wanted this for so long. But still, it wasn't what I hoped for. There wasn't his excitement. Not even a hint of enthusiasm either. But still, I didn't want to give up a chance to be with him. "Of course," I said.

"Okay," he answered instantly. "I'll be there in like five minutes. I love you so much. Bye." And before I could reply, he hung up.

It was strange though, the ending of our conversation I mean. Still, it wasn't like before when we normally talked. It was like his mind was somewhere else, somewhere far away. It began to scare me.

And normally (even though it's not really a bad thing), he did say "I love you so much." Usually just a smiple,"I love you," or something along those lines. He never really put so much into it.

But once again, maybe I was just being crazy and thinking all these things for nothing. I could just be working myself up over nothing, which I hoped was true.

Roger arrived, just like he'd said, in minutes. My mom must've let him in because by the time I heard his car pull in the drive way and the time I walked to my bedroom door, he was already up the stairs.

A smile lit his face when he saw me, which made me smile as well. Grabbing my hand, he pulled me into my room and we sat together on my bed.

"Hey," he said smiling.

"Hi," I said back, truly happy that he was there with me. He massaged circles in my hand with his thumb, the way he did when we held hands. I missed his touch, even though it had only been days.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked randomly, moving over so that he was laying on his back. That strange tone to his voice was back, and I was scared for what was coming.

But naturally, I layed along side him, resting my head on his chest. "Anything," I answered.

"Why do you love me?" It wasn't anything close to what I thought he could ask. This was a simple question, one that I could answer in few words.

"Because you're perfect, of course," I said, smiling. And I believe that. I mean, we had our disagreements and all that, but that was no reason for me not to think he was the best person in the world, and the best person for me.

"Why do you think that?" he asked. "I mean, I'm not talented. I get bad grades. I chew with my mouth open. I-" Before he could go on, I began to laugh hysterically. He glared down at me, which only made me laugh more. "Whats so funny?"

"You!" I said, pointing at him. "Do you really think I care if you chew with your mouth open or not?" I was still laughing.

He had a smile on now, and was laughing with me. "Well some people do!" he deffended his logic.

I shook my head. "Since when am I 'some people'?" I asked.

He bent down and kissed the top of my head. It was sweet. and I missed it. "You're never 'some person' to me, Mark. You're the best person." I smiled at this, and pulled his hand up to my mouth. Gently, I kissed each on of his knuckles.

"Can I ask you something else?" Roger's sweet tone was gone, now replaced with the same serious, distant one as earlier.

"Duh," I answered, hoping that his tone did not last.

"Would you still love me if I did something bad? I mean, I know I've done some things before that were bad, but I mean like _really _bad?" His question frightened me and I was too shocked to answer. What do you say to a question like that? So I searched my brain and after minutes, finally came up with something to say.

"Where is all this coming from?"

He shoved his head back hard against my pillow. "No where. I was just wondering."

I sat up and looked him straight in the eyes. "Did you do something?" I asked quickly, my voice shaking.

He closed his eyes now and bit down on his lower lip. "I love you so much, Mark." he simply said. That didn't satisfy me. He didn't even deny it.

"That's not an explanation!" I said now, rasing my voice. "Roger, what did you do?"

He sat up now, along with me, his face onliy inches from mine. "How could you think that?" his voice was short, raw. "Who do you think I am?"

"I don't know! I havn't even seen you in days!" This was becoming the last thing I wanted: a fight. But this time I was way to angry to calm down.

"And thats my fault?!" he screamed back.

"Well, _you're _the one that ditched _me _to go hang out with that slut!" I didn't know what I was saying. I just was letting out what I had been thinking lately. "I saw how she flirted with you Roger. ...And I saw how you flirted back. And don't deny it. I'm not as stupid as you must think I am!"

Roger stood up and shook his head, pulling me from his reach. "I don't have to take this! I don't need to sit here and listen to you critisize me and my friends. Do I do that to you? Have I ever done that to you, Mark?"

Those words hit me hard. He never did say things about my friends. And I was constantly saying how I hated Benny, and the last days have been spent forming a new hate on Mimi. Was I the one being bad?

I couldn't let it get to me. If I did, I would feel guilty. I'm not the one the was a potential cheater here. It was Roger, and I wanted to find out the truth. I had to. Even if it broke my heart.

"None of that matters. That's not what this is about. Its about you and me and whatever you did with her," I answered harshly.

"I tell you I love you everyday, and that makes you think I'm cheating. You know what Mark? I don't care anymore. I'm done." And with that, he walked out my door.

Pain seeped into every cell in my body. The happiness that lit me from inside before, was now all gone. It was filled with anguish, with hate for what had just happened. What did just happen?

It was strange. Roger and I were being happy, having a good conversation, then out of nowhere, he begins speaking of things that he did. Well, hypothetically, but I didn't buy that. How could I, when he just spent an evening with someone like Mimi?

But there I was again, critisizing someone I didn't even know. Was that the cause of this? Was I the cause of this? I was the one who was scared, and the one who pointed a finger at Roger, when he just asked a question. I mean, it could've just been a question. It didn't have to be true.

At least I didn't want it to be. If Roger had cheated on me, with Mimi, what did that mean? Was he straight? Did he really love me? Or was our whole relationship a lie? But if it was, then why would he go to such far measures to keep us together freely, without judgement? I had so many questions, and not one answer.

I found myself crying my eyes out that night, blocking out the outside world. What could I possibly want from it now? ...Now that Roger was gone. But was he gone? Or was this just a fight? There I went with the questions again.

My mind ached and when my brother came to my bedroom door, I barley heard him say,"Supper's ready." I looked up at him from my bed, and he just stared at me. I waited for some sort of insult, some kind of bratty thing of him to say, but he just looked at me with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Slowly, I just shook my head. I wasn't okay. There was no way I could be after everything that had happened this night. How could I even start to happy at at time like this?

My brother just walked away after that. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking? There hadn't been many times that he had seen me cry, especially like this, that was less like crying, but more like weeping.

All I could seem to do was lay there, so I did, with my face in the pillow, my tears soaking it. Then I felt a hand on my back. It was too large to be my mother's or my brother's. Could it be Roger's?

I moved and looked to see who it was, and there my father was, sitting next to me on my bed with his hand on my back. The last time we sat together like this, was when I was about ten, and I was crying my eyes out over losing my camera. I knew my father would be mad, but he suprised me with being concerned. And it was the same this time.

"Mark," he began softly, his voice deep. "I'm not as dumb as you might think. I know about you and Roger." Then he paused, and I looked at him, waiting for anger, waiting for dissapointment. But none of that came, and when I looked into his eyes, the same blue shade of mine, I saw that he was concerned for me, and maybe even a little scared.

"Well, I know that tonight you two had a fight," he went on, still speaking soft. "And I also know that you two will make up. You'll be happy then, like I like to see you, but son, it won't last. He's not the one you spend the rest of your life with." Why was he telling me this? What was this supposed to help? Is this is bad way of comfort? "I know me saying this doesn't make much sence to you, but if he treats you like this, maybe you don't want to spend your life with him anyways. Just remember, you deserve someone who loves you, someone who will always love you." With a small smile, he stood up and walked out my door.

What did that mean? Roger did love me. Roger did treat me right. Didn't he? Never in the whole time we were together had I doubted our relationship, and now I was begining to rethink everything.

**although i didn't especially like this chapter, i hope you did. reveiws are very nice. **


	21. Chapter 21

I woke up that morning to the sound of my alarm. I hadn't even realized that I set it, but then again, last night was mostly a haze. Well, after everything between Roger and I. Because after that, there wasn't much to pay attention to. The night mostly consisted of tears, and more tears. Why would I even try?

I was irratable now, especially since there hadn't been much sleep for me last night. Too busy wondering, crying, dying. So now I basically slumped my way up from the bed, reluctant to go to school. Seeing Roger's face at a moment like this was the last thing I wanted. There was no telling how I would react.

So with little effort, I pulled on some clothes and grabbed my book bag. Not bothering to do my hair or see wether my clothes even matched, I walked down the stairs and straight past my family. Talking to them was also something that I tried my best to avoid. Especially since the awkward talk with my dad, I didn't know what that ment for us. Did he expect us to be friends now? It didn't matter to me much, so I disregaurded the possiblity.

I stared at the clock. There was a half hour before school started which was not enough time to walk all the way there, but I wasn't about to ask my parents, so I trudged off without even a good bye.

Thankfully I didn't catch any glimpses of Roger's rusty old pick up on my way. And by the time first hour was half way over, I arrived. It was the first time I had ever been late and the lady at the attendence office gave me a look like she couldn't figure me out. "Can I get a tardy pass?" I asked. She gave me one of those old lady smiles that said she loved to, the kind that annoyed me.

So I walked to first hour, handing my teacher the pass when I arrived. He also gave me a look like he didn't understand, but I was too lazy to make an excuse to why I was late. I just sat in my seat trying to focus on whatever the lesson was about.

Focusing didn't exactly work. Most of the class was spent thinking about Roger, even though I hated to do that at a time like this. I was so angry still, but even with that, I missed him. Does that make sence? It doesn't matter... Nothing really does anymore.

The day passed and when lunch came my friends gave me strange looks. Most of them must've known it had something to do with Roger, so they let me be. Some them tried to spark conversations with me though, but I just told them I was tired, and they left me alone.

I kind of felt bad, not letting my friends help, but I knew that if we talked that there was the risk I would begin crying agian and that wouldn't be good, not in front of all these people. I could barely stand to cry in front of myself. But I couldn't exactly help it when it came to Roger. Some things were just too hard to control.

But I knew it was inevitable. Chemistry was bound to happen, and there I would be, sitting behind Roger, trying not to cry my eyes out. But I tried my best, held myself back, and told myself that there was no way I would let myself do that. I wouldn't give Roger the satisfaction to know that I wanted him. Did hard to get ever really work? Not that I would be able to forget this, even if he did come crawling back to me, but its nice to dream. It'd be even nicer to know that he actually needed me, but I didn't see that coming anytime soon.

So I sat done in my seat, behind the most beautiful man in the world, and tried my best to not look at him. It would only hurt me. But then I heard Mimi's annoying giggle and I looked up. There she was, practically all over him, her arm on his shoulder. "What a hoe..." I mummbled to myself.

To my suprise, she looked up. I guess she'd been called that before. "Do you have something to say?" she asked, her stare turning into more of a glare.

Wondering who she was talking to, I assumed, Roger turned around. He gave me some blank look, so I just stared back at him, hoping he didn't see the pain in my eyes. I couldn't let him know I was dying inside. If he could get along just fine, so could I. At least that's how I wanted him to see it.

But still Mimi stared at me like she wanted me to answer her. "Not at all," I answered with a smirk.

She gave me a dirty look and so did Roger. It gave me some satisfaction that I made him angry, but not as much as it would have if he would've said sorry, and came back to me. But I couldn't change that, so I needed to get passed it.

But there was still that lingering hate for Mimi and when I looked at her, it deepened. And when Roger took his hand a brushed the hair away from her face, wow did that piss me off. But then I realized, this was less hate. More jealousy. I wanted that to be me. I wanted Roger to talk to me, touch me, but here he was, doing that with some random girl, and it killed me.

"What are you staring at?" Immediately, I blushed. I hadn't even realized that I had been looking straight at her, not even trying to disguise that I was looking and listening to them.

Roger turned around again, and gave me an angry look. I could tell that he was getting angry, which made me angry too. "Mark, what is your problem?"

I shook my head. There was no hiding it. The pain was obvious. Tears came in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall down my cheeks; I couldn't. I just looked at him, and he looked at me. His face changed a bit. It seemed as if there was concern now, something I had wanted all along.

But he shook his head, closed his eyes, and turned away from me. That made me wonder, was he hurting too? I instantly felt guilty for making him feel that way, although that was how I was feeling. But for some reason, his feelings ment more to me than my own.

Mimi was still looking at me though, her big brown eyes burning me. I didn't know what do to. Why was she glaring at me? Maybe she hated me as much as I hated her. Who knows? "What?" I finally asked.

Roger turned around again, with his face blank again. They both were staring at me. Mimi gave me some dirty look. "Was I talking to you?" she asked.

"No, you were just staring at me," I corrected with the best attitude I could conjure up.

"Mark," Roger snapped. Now he was giving me a look like he was pleading or something. I didn't know for what though.

"Yes?" I questioned, giving him the same attitude I gave her. He deserved it as much as she did. Maybe even more.

He shook his head at me. Was he dissapointed over something? There was no reason for it. "Will you stop?"

"I didn't even do anything. She's the one that's glaring at me like the bitch she is," I said. I didn't care if she heard. I didn't care if anyone heard. That's how I felt and I didn't care who knew.

"Mark, calm down. We went through all of this last night. It's done. Why do you keep on doing this?" he asked, but I could tell there was more. He was pleading with his voice now, but I still didn't know what for.

I slammed my hand on the table. I knew people were looking, but that didn't matter. I was so pissed, so angry, so hurt. "You know damn well why I'm doing this! Why are you doing this? Why are you throwing away everything we built?"

He shook his head agian. His eyes were still begging for me to stop, but I couldn't. He spoke softly, without drawing anymore attention. "You don't understand. I keep telling you that, but you don't get what its like for me."

I rolled my eyes. "What what's like?" What could it be? There was nothing different now than before, other than us not being together. What could possibley be so hard?

He closed his eyes. Mimi was still staring at me, while listening keenly, like she was waiting for him to say something. Roger took a deep breathe then. "Mark. I need to talk to you about this later. Now is not the time. Please. Just let me come over after school or something. Just not right now. Please," he said looking into his eyes. It was like a mirror of mine. I saw pain. I saw sorrow, and I couldn't help but agree.

The class went on with nothing as did the day. That was the last time I talked to Roger in school until it was over. The whole time I was wondering what was about to happen and as I stepped into his car, I was still wondering. But I did not speak. I waited to see if there was something he wanted to say so the whole time to my house I was silent, but so was he.

I watched him drive and he seemed focused on the road, like it was the only place he could look. He didn't once look at me, while I stared at him. I liked to see him, but this time was so different, so wrong. He clutched the wheel like he was holding on for dear life, and he never once glanced at me.

When we reached my house, it was the same. With so much silence between us, so much tension, I began to think that this was a bad decision. Was anything going to change when we reached my room, or was this going to go on? And if it did, could I handle it?

I walked into my room, and sat on my bed. Roger slowly trailed behind and sat next to me, but far enough so our bodies didn't touch. It hurt bad to see that he didn't want to be close to me. Maybe it hurt him to, and he thought I didn't want it. But how could he after what happened today? He knew I loved him, didn't he? "Roger, I love you," I blurted out out of nowhere.

He looked down the way he always did when he was ashamed, and instantly I felt bad for saying anything at all. But slowly, with hesitation, he reached his hand over and placed it softly on mine. The touch was nice and I felt that instant shock I always did when he touched me. "I know that hurt you. I'm sorry." That was all he said.

Tightly closing my eyes, I let a tear fall down my cheek. I didn't know what to do. If he cared, if he cared at all, he would be saying that right now, not feeling bad for me. There was nothing left to do. "I understand, Roger. I just got mad earlier. You know how I feel about you, and now I know how you feel. You can go. It's no big deal." Although it ment everything to me. _He _ment everything.

"How do I feel then Mark, if you know everything?" he asked, raising his voice. More tears fell down. There was no way it was going to end any better than before. It was undeniable. Pain was the only answer.

"Don't make me say it," I pleaded. I couldn't say that he didn't love me, even though I knew it was true. But there was still this little piece in my heart that hoped that it wasn't true.

"You don't even know what this is about," he said.

He just kept saying that. When would it stop? I thought he was here to explain, but then he says the same thing. I just wanted it to end. Just wanted him to go, but I didn't understand. "Why are you still saying that? What don't I get?"

"It's," he paused slightly. "It's nothing," he sighed.

How could he say that? It was everything. If it was nothing, he wouldn't be doing this, this wouldn't be happening. We'd be happy, we'd be making love, instead of destroying it. This shouldn't be ending. "Why are you so hooked on her?" I asked pleading to understand. I needed to know why none of this was working, and why it would never work again.

"I'm not hooked on _her_," he said. This made no sence whats so ever.

"Then what are you hooked on? Why do you go to her?" I asked, scared to hear the answer.

"I'm hooked on what she has," he said softly, slowly.

Wow. That's when it hit me. "So this is just about sex? You're giving up the love we had for sex?!" I screamed in his face. How could something so simple, something so meaningless without love, cause him to completely alter his life?

Roger quickly shook his head, flinging his golden hair into the hair. The hair I loved. "No, no, no, Mark. You have it all wrong. How could you even think that of me?" He wasn't screaming, he was truly confused. I was too. I had never thought about him just wanting someone for sex, but then again, if he could do all this, then why wouldn't he do that?

"Then what is it?" I asked for what seemed like the hundreth time.

"Nothing. I was just confused about stuff. There was some much going on with us and so much that people knew. I couldn't handle it. I needed an escape, but I don't care about any of that anymore. I don't need Mimi. I need you," he said, looking down. He made it all sound so simple. He couldn't have gone through all that to say this, could he? I doubt it. But I wasn't about to give up him, for something like this. It could be true.

"What does that mean?" I asked with a slight smile.

He smiled back at me, and my world went crazy. There was so much to his smile, so much to how it made me feel. I felt I was lighting up the room. And when he kissed me it was passionate, forgiving, loving, and there was nothing more that I wanted. And then when we made love, it was real love. Everything that had happen, everything that I thought was ruined forever, was built up agian.

I didn't understand this, this feeling. There was more to it this time. Some how, when you think that things can't get better, they do. Like this very moment. My life was shifting and replacing my broken heart with a healed, happy one. There was nothing I wanted more at that moment that to be with Roger for the rest of my life. And I truly believed thats how it was going to work out.

**Well, I liked the meaning of this chapter and stuff, although it was similar to the last one. But it has more meaning. And I know that a lot of Mark's feelings change and I would fix it, but at this moment, I'm way too tired to do any of that. And sorry for all the mistakes and bad things. When I reread it tomorrow or whenever and I think its terrible, I'll just rewrite it, no big deal. **

**Thanks again for all the reveiws. Hope you like it. Hope its not too boring. Don't worry, next chapter you'll find more about why Roger is being so terrible and such. Thanks.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A lot happens in this chapter and I hope you enjoy it and not find it bad. And I hope you don't think its moving too fast, which it is in some ways. But please, enjoy.**

I woke up the the rustle of Roger's body under me. I had been laying there with him for aa while now, just listening to his speedy heart beat. For all he knew, I was just sleeping, but when he got out of bed and put his clothes on, I sat up as well.

"Good morning," I said with a smile, watching him dress.

"Hey," he simply answered.

Roger basically payed no attention to me when I asked,"What are you doing?" and just kept on putting his clothes on, which I also prefered him not to do as well.

Finally, after a long puase, he said," Just out. I'll be back in a couple hours." I stared at him blankly. What the hell did "just out" mean and why couldn't he tell me? I didn't know.

"Um, where's out?" I asked as calmly as possible, although I was begining to become pissed. After everything that happened last night, how could he play these games with me?

"Jesus, Mark. Does it matter?" he asked, openly ignoring my question. Anger exploded from every cell of my body as he said this in his snotty attitude. Of course it mattered!

I took a deep breath and counted to ten. Maybe this would help let out anger. It didn't help much because I found myself screaming as loud as I could. "After everyone we went through last night, you're going to stand there and act like nothing happened?"

"What's so diffrent now? Just because we fucked doesn't mean I can't see my friends. It doesn't change my feelings," he said it so simple; last night ment nothing to him. Everything I said and everything I did were pieces of a relationship that has no existance to him.

I was even more mad now. Woprds exploded from my mouth. "So what was this then? Some random fuck?!" Angry tears clouded my vision as I stared at him.

"Mark, calm down," he said gently.

"Get out!" I screamed. Slowly, he walked towards me. I tensed when he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. "Don't touch me," I said, softer this time. I didn't want him to do this, make me love him. I wanted to be mad at him, but it was so hard with him holding me, with him kissing my neck the way he did.

"Can I come over tonight?" he asked looking into my eyes.

"Please tell me where you're going. When I'm not with you, especially when I don't know where you are, I get scared Roger," I said, staring back at him, pouring out my feelings.

"I'm just going to hang out with some people. Truly Mark, it's no big deal. I'll come over later and we can watch a movie or something. Is that okay?" his voice was soft now, and although it was comforting, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I knew where he was going: to Mimi.

"What is it that you see in her?" I asked, reflecting his tone.

"She's nice and funny and sweet, but Mark, not the way you are. She's not amazing, beautiful, perfect. And I'm not in love with her. There is nothing to worry about." I nodded a little. Somehow this always happened. We'd fight, but I'd fall right back to him. "So can I come over later?"

"Of course," I answered softly kissing his lips. And with that, he left, to go hang out with his girlfriend.

* * *

_Everything happens for a reason, _I told myself. _This will turn out okay. _I had to think positive. If I let my mind wander there would be surely visions of Roger's body pressed agaisnt Mimi's. If I thought about that, it would only hurt me more.

But as I lay there in bed, my eyes tightly shut, those seemed to be the only thoughts I could think. I knew I was only torturing myself, but I couldn't stop. Even if Roger were to tell me that there was nothing oing on with him and Mimi a thosand times, the jealous thoughts and nightmares would still be there.

When I tried to eat the breakfast I spent and hour making, it didn't exactly work out. There was so much tension, so much, anxiety, that when I treied to swallow my throat closed up. And when I did seem to get some food inside my body, I'd gag until it came back up. After fourty-five minutes of this, I was done trying to eat.

Even when I tried to read, it wan'st possible. The words were too hard to concentrate on and I found myself extremely tired. With my eyes shut almost the whole time, I stumbled up the stairs onto my bed. Within minutes my eyes were shut tight and I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to soft kisses on my neck. Instantly, I wrapped my arms around Roger and kissed him back. Everything I felt earliery was now replaced with passion and sensation. I giggled softly when he kissed my earlobe and I pulled his body closer to mine so every inch of my body was convered with his.

Slowly and gently, he trailed his kisses from my ear to my neck. When he could go no farther down my neck, he lifted off my shirt as I did to his. Our bare skin was touching now and he felt warm on top of me. His mouth made his way from my chest, to my stomach, to the begining of my jeans and before I knew it, he was unbottoning my pants.

Everything was moving so fast. I could barely control myself, but some how I managed to pull my hand away from Roger's body and reach into my night stand. "Here," I said, panting.

Roger grabbed the condom I had just given him and stared blankly at it. With the flick of his wrist, he tossed it aside and began to again pull down my pants. Although by now I was so horny and this wasn't what I really wanted to do, I pushed Roger way from me and stared at him. His eyes were red and he just seemed so different in a way I couldn't figure.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as he began kissing my stomach again.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, looking at him, still trying to figure him out. "We've never done it without one." It wasn't that I didn't believe Roger when he said he didn't have anything, he might not have known, is all. Some things can go so long without detection and I had nothing and planned to keep it that way.

"I'm clean, Mark," he assured, but I still wasn't comfortable with going unprotected. Roger wasn't very open about past realationships, but I knew that he was not a virgin when I met him. I didn't know how many times he had done things unportected, or with whom he'd done those things.

Roger went on kissing me again. Even though I wanted him to stop, or at least go on with a condom, I wanted him to continue even more. Making love to Roger felt _so_ good and felt _so_ right, I never wanted him to stop. And when it was over, as I clutched him against my skin, I never wanted to move.

I woke up at three in the morning because I had slept most of the day while I was waiting for Roger. Thankfully, he was still there, resting with me in my arms. I stared down at his cold body as he gently slept on my chest. There was so much love just as we layed here together and as I touched his soft skin.

But he felt so cold. I pulled a blanket over his bare body and wrapped it around him while I held him tighter. My hands were warm so I softly rubed my hands along his back, under the blanket, so he would hopefully receive some body heat and not freeze to death.

Then he sighed a little and looked up at me with dreary eyes. "Hey," he said with a smile. "What time is it?"

"It's like three in the morning. You can go back to sleep," I answered softly, laying my head back down on the pillow, hoping that he would decide that it was okay just to lay there with me, too.

"I'm freezing," he said, obviously stilled tired. His long arms wrapped tighter around me and I felt how could he really was. I pulled him even closer to my body, wrapping that last bit of blankets off of me and onto him.

"You're shivering," I commented. "Do you want something to drink? I can get some more blankets too." My job was to make him comfortable. I wanted him to stay here as long as possible.

Roger took a long sigh. "No, it's no big deal. I think I'm just getting a cold or something."

I looked down at him. I could feel his body shake. It wasn't too bad, but he was definitely coming down with something. "Here, I'll go get you some cold medicine. You don't need to get sick," I said.

"Mark, really," he said sternly. "It's no big deal."

I sighed an okay, and we began just laying there again. It was nice having him lay there in my arms. It felt like he I had him now, and he was going nowhere. We could lay there forever, with no interuptions, and I'd be so happy, so full. He was there, and that was all I needed.

But I knew it wouldn't last. Whatever his fixation with Mimi was, it sure wasn't going to end. Surely he would be running back to her within minutes. It seemed like he couldn't survive without her. I remember when he felt that way about me.

"I think a shower would be good for this, don't you? Will your parents get mad if I take one this early? Will it be too loud, because I can always just go home or whatever," Roger finally said. A shower was a good idea. It would help his cold, and most likely stop his shaking, and I for sure did not want him to leave.

"Don't worry," I assured,"No one will come in. Unless, of course, you wanted some company," I said raising my eyebrows. I sat up, pulling him closely, and softly began kissing his neck hoping he would give into temptation.

Suprisingly, he pushed me away, but there was a smile on his face. "Shut up," he said playfully. "Give me ten minutes to clean up a bit, and then maybe I'll let you come in." He bent down and let his lips linger on mine. The taste of his skin on my tounge made me want him even more. He really knew how to get me going.

I pulled him closer to me, pressing our bodies together, hoping that he would just take me. The only thing I wanted then and there was him. He had me going. "Mark," he said, softly kissing my neck. "Settle down. I'll be right back, okay? Can you hold it till then?"

I smiled back at him, but I didn't know if I could wait. Roger just shook his head a little, got up, and headed to the bathroom. Within a minute, I heard the water running.

I wanted so badly just to join him, and be with him again. Everything seemed so good right now, so happy. This is how things were supposed to be. Lovers making love. Not war. Happiness was the key. And there was no way I was letting that go now.

It was strange though. My relationship with Roger seemed so much like a roller coaster, as cliche as that may sound. We'd be happy one minute, high in the sky (not unlike I was now), but we came down. Was I bound to come down again?Although I didn't want to think it, it seemed, so much, that way.

Then my brain really got turning. Was what my father said true? Was he not the one I would spend my life with? _Should _he not be the one? All relationships were like this, weren't they? Then again, I had never seen Collins and Angel even think about fighting. There was so much love there.

But Joanne and Maureen were a different story. They were always fighting, but they were in love. So it didn't matter. Or did it? On many occasions I had just wished they would end it, that way they could stop fighting and be happy alone. Was that how others saw my relationship with Roger?

I swallowed hard, and hoped not.

About ten minutes later, after my mind had been turning so fiercely, Roger appeared in the doorway, with only a towel covering him. That _damn_ towel.

There was something about him, though, as he stared at me. Something different. Something that made him seem lighter, happier. His smile was still there, which made me smile, but his normal, sweet ways seemed gone. For some reason I had the urge to see if something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" I asked, smiling, hoping it was nothing. After all, he just took a shower. No big deal. Hey, maybe he was just tired or could be just the cold. That's a simple, easy explenation.

By he way he stood over by the door, the way he smiled, it still didn't seem normal. Not bad, just not normal. I shook my head, telling myself I was crazy. Of course he's not normal, he's probably happy. We are back together and we were about to make love.

Slowly, he walked toward me, still with a giant grin. He sat right beside me on the bad and stared at me directly. His grin was still there, and so was the strangeness.

Lightly, his lips trailed mine and I found myself breathing deep with every passionate touch of his tongue to mine. It was nice. It was hot. It was what I wanted. So I pulled him toward me.

So many things were raising through my mind at that moment and I had no idea what to do or what to say. Did this sweet suduction answer my question. Was he okay?

He must've been okay or he wouldn't be touching me like this, he wouldn't be loving me. There would be more tension, more hisitation, and there was none of that here. He wanted me. I wanted him. That's all there was to it.

But was there supposed to be more?

There was no words, no questions, no stopping. Just intensity. The soft whispers of "I love you" were gone and replaced with unusual pants and sighs. And although it felt so right, more of it felt wrong.

This was different then normal. Stronger, harsher. Too much. Although I had thought I wanted it before, that string of passion was gone. There was something too wrong about this. Something too different. Something I just couldn't handle.

Roughly, I pushed Roger away. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" It was the second time asked and it deserved an answer because truly, I didn't know if_ I_ was going to be okay. This abrupt change in Roger's behavior seemed too much.

"I'm fine, " he said, breathing hard and still kissing my collar bone.

I pushed him away again and a suprised looked followed. I stared back at him pleading. "Roger, I think-"

He placed his index finger over my lips. "Shh... Stop talking."

I sat there stunned, while Roger went on with whatever he felt like. I just couldn't believe that he would, more or less, tell me to shut up. Who the fuck did he think he was? But why was I getting so angry? Was this how it always started? My getting angry over nothing?

Stronger, I pushed him off of me again. The same expression filled his face. "What the hell has gotten into you?" I questioned. I tried not to sound pissed, but I was, and it showed in my voice.

"Gotten into me?!" he scareamed. It was so sudden, it made me jump. "What the hell did I do, except try to make love to you?"

Wow. Well, if he was going to scream, I was going to to. "That's the first time you've spoken that word all day!" I blared back. I didn't care if everyone was sleeping. I was pissed, and I was going to show it.

"What word? Love? Are you truly that inscure that you need me to tell you that I love you constantly, even while I'm sitting here and showing that I do?!" he shook his head and sat up, away from me. I wanted to pull him close, but more of me wanted to punch him in the face.

"Well maybe I'm fucking insecure because you keep running off to other people for your satisfaction!" There were tears in my eyes now. I always cried when I was angry, especially angry with Roger.

Here we were again, though, fighting. Would it ever end? The same thoughts as before flowed to the front of my brain. The answer came. We weren't ment to be, so why was I trying so hard?

Why was I sitting here, fighting so hard, for something that no longer exists; our love. At least to Roger. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle any of it. Way too much was happening and I didn't think it would ever end.

"It's not people I'm going for! Why are you so damn paranoid? I'm sick and tired of it. Trust me! Is it that fucking hard?" he screamed. There was nothing about how he loved me, about how I was wrong because of that. Only that he thought I was stupid, thought I was paranoid.

No, it wasn't that hard to trust him, though, to tell the truth. All I had to do was believe him. But how could I believe him when it was so evident? Everytime he came back, there was a different way about him. Kind of like the way he was right now.

This was all too hard to believe, too hard to even begin to understand. If he wasn't going to be with Mimi, what else was there? Nothing. There couldn't be. "Your logic doesn't make sense. If you weren't going for Mimi, why else would you go?" I asked, thinking aloud.

"Ugh!" Roger sighed and turned away. He grabbed the boxers and shirt that were on the floor beside him and threw them on without getting up.

He was going to leave, like he always did. Run away, and come back days later asking my forgiveness. Well, I wasn't going to let it happen this time.

"You're not going anywhere," I said matter-of-factly.

"What? Are you gonna stop me?" he asked standing up and screaming down at me.

"Why can't you just talk to me?" I wasn't yelling anymore, just pleading. Although, I didn't know why. Why was I always trying so hard? Could I really love a man that treated me this way? But then again, was he treating me so wrong? Or was I the one messing this all up?

"I can't take this," he stated and started to pick up his things from the floor. "I'm leaving, and you're not going to stop."

I stared at him blankly as he headed for the door. Was this really happening? Was he really going to leave when this wasn't over. It was just the begining. "Why do you always run away from this? You never want to solve anything. I mean, after all this, I thought you'd care enough to resolve our fights... but I guess I was wrong," I said softly. There was no use for yelling. No use for anything anymore, if he was leaving.

Roger shook his head as he stared at me. I hoped he was looking at me, not just staring. I wanted him to find the hurt in my eyes that showed how much I loved him and I was more confused than ever about how he felt. I wanted him to just come and sit next to me, come and be happy with me. Was that too much to ask?

I guess it was because he just stared without moving. Then he closed his eyes, and threw his head back. I knew what he was doing . He was thinking, deciding, whether he would stay here. Well, at least he was thinking about it, I told myself, and not blowing me off completely.

"Mark, you know how I feel about you. This is always happening. You always want me to say I love you, and be sweet, and nice, and so damn perfect all the time," he explained. He wasn't yelling, just explaining... complaining.

"I don't expect that," I said.

Roger just looked at me and rolled his eyes. "You might not realize it, but you do. And when I don't want to do that, be that way, you get angry. Like now," he sighed, and went on. "And now that I said that, you're going to disagree and yell some more."

"NO! I'm not!" I almost said. But that would be yelling. But he was right. I would've reacted that way, with yelling. "Why did you get mad when I pushed you away?"

"'Cause I knew you were going to start something, the way you did." He stood up then. "I can't do this. Not now. I can't go through things we've already been through. I'm not like that anymore."

I had no idea what he was talking about. "What's so different now?"

He looked down at me. "Everything. I'm not the same person... I'm not going to be that person again, either. So get used to it, or this isn't going to work," he said, matter-of-factly. He seemed to think he knew all the answers, but how was that supposed to work? I didn't expect him to change back to the way he was, but he expected me to change with him?

"So you expect me to change for you?" I asked.

He looked at me and sighed. "I'm going, okay?" He walked toward me and softly kissed my lips. It was soft. It was gentle. Nothing like before. There was that feeling I had missed so much. "I love you. Bye." And with that he just left.

I shook my head. I didn't know what to think. So much had just happened. He said he loved me, but then he left. He said he was different now, yet his kiss was the same. He said he wasn't going to change back to normal, but what was normal? I truly had no idea what was going on anymore.

Too much had happened, so I layed my head down, hoping that sleep would make me feel better. And sure enough, when I woke, I felt better. But I just did things to take my mind off of everything, because that's what I needed to do. Just stop thinking about it all.

I made breakfast for my family, and actually sat and ate with them. It was odd, but nice, something we hadn't done since I was little. My mother was the only one really into it, and she actually began a conversation with me. My father just read his news paper, and my brother sat, pissed that my father forced him to sit with us.

When my mom asked about Roger, I winced. The was about keeping my mind away from him, but here she went, bringing him up. She didn't ask much, just how he and his sister were doing, so it was pretty painless. But it hurt me a little, that I didn't exactly know the answer.

When we got done eating, there wasn't much left to do. My father was doing whatever, and I was pretty sure he didn't want company, and I didn't exactly want to help my mom clean out the garage. I was so bored that I actually asked my brother if he wanted to do something. He gave me a strange look and told me to fuck off. Oh, brotherly love.

So I sighed heavily, and walked my way back up to my room. What I remember when I stepped in right away, was that it had been so long since I had actually cleaned the place. There was tons of clothes, crumpled up screenplays, and tons of food lying around. It was so gross.

So I took a deep breath and decided to clean a bit. I started off with the food. After all, that was the nastiest part. Then went onto the papers, which I tossed into my wastebasket. Now all that was left was dirty laundry.

I walked around my room picking up random pieces of clothing. Some was mine, some was my brothers, and some was Roger. I grabbed a shirt, that I knew was his and tossed it in my hand. It was the shirt he wore to my house yesterday, which I guess ment that he left in one my shirts. I hadn't taken the time to notice.

Well, I grabbed that shirt, along with a couple other and headed down to the laundry room in the basement. It was cold down there, so I pulled the long sleeve shirt out of my dirty pile, the one that was Roger's, and put it on. It still smelled like him, which made me smile.

I threw the rest of the stuff in the wash and leaned against the dryer, waiting, and thinking. Even though I didn't want to, I thought about Roger. I just couldn't help it. There was so much about him that wouldn't leave my mind. So much that I hated, but much more that I loved.

The basement was still cold as I sat there with my bare feet touching the concrete. I threw my hands into the pockets, but to my suprise, my hands weren't the only thing in there. I looked down, and found a needle resting in my palm.

So much went threw me at that moment, so much realization, yet so much confustion. What was this? It wasn't what I thought it was... was it? No, it couldn't be. Roger didn't do that. He wouldn't do that. There was so much with his mom and his sister that had negative effects due to drugs, so he would never let that happen to himself... would he?

I shook my head. No! He would never do that. I knew him so well. This wasn't the Roger that I knew. The Roger I knew could never do such a thing; he couldn't hurt himself this way. But he was the one to tell me, he was different now. And I hadn't known that difference, but was this the answer? Was this what made him so different?

"Mark, honey. The phone is for you." I had barely heard my mom speak, I was in so much of a shock. And the whole time Collins was talking to me on the phone, I wasn't listening; I couldn't. There was way too much going through my mind. This was all too much to handle.

Why was everything bad happening right now? All we had been doing, me and Roger, was fighting, and here was another thing for us to fight about, if it was true. But maybe it wasn't. He could've barrowed the shirt from someone, or to someone, and they had left it in there, but who would he borrow it to that would leave something like that in there?

I had no idea.

I told Collins I had to go, because I had to. I couldn't be here, not around this. Not around any of this. If Roger ran away everytime something bad happened, it must've made him feel better. So I threw on my coat, and ran as fast as I could straight down the street.

All I could feel was the cool air flying threw me and I felt free, like I could run away forever and be done with all of it. So I kept on running, and didn't look back.

After two hours I found myself in a part of the city that I've never been in. I had no idea where I was. But I had just went straight the whole time. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back, but I turned around, and sprinted back to my house.

I took a detour, though, when I reached my neighborhood. I walked around to the places I'd gone as a child. Walking past my old daycare, my elementry school, and all the parks I used to play at, they brought back memories, the good memories. The memories before everything go so messed up.

And then I walked to the park where Roger and I had had our first date, the place that I loved more than anything, the place where I was now sitting on a swing, breaking down.

**okay. well some of this is lame, because i know i kinda say the same thing over and over and go on with questions, but im just trying to build story. i hope you like it and its not super annoying, super unbelievable, or super emo. **

**thanks for the reviews.**


	23. Back of His Head

**A/N: It might seem abrupt, but this is going to be the last chapter. I found myself disliking this, but I found no other way to making an appropriate ending. I hope you like this. There will also be a sequel which I hope to be much much better. I have already written the first chapter, so it should be up soon. I'm not sure of the title yet, though. Hope you like this.**

"Mark, honey, where have you been?" my mother asked when I reached the house. It was late now, almost midnight. I knew she would be worried, but I couldn't bring myself home. I didn't want to have her see me like this. I didn't want anyone to. I looked terrible. I _felt_ terrible.

"Tell your fag boyfriend to stop calling too. He's wanted you all night. He's super annoying," my brother groaned, as he lay on the couch watching TV.

"When did he call?" I asked. I don't know why I even cared. I didn't want to talk to him anyway. I couldn't. If I did, all I would be doing was freaking out on him.

"Like all night," he groaned.

"Honey, he sounded worried. You should really call him," my mother said.

I just rolled my eyes. "He deserves to be worried," I bitched. "Next time, tell him he's an asshole and can go to hell." It was strange to say all this to my mother, and I knew she would never say anything like that to him, but I was just so pissed. I didn't care. If he put me through all this, I can put him through just as much.

"When he calls, you should really talk to him," she said, and as if she had predicted it, the phone began to ring. She looked at me, and I just shook my head 'no'. There was no way I was going to answer it and talk to him. She sighed and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

I didn't hear anything, just waited for her to confirm that it was Roger. When she told me it was him, I shook my head again. Then my brother reached for the phone. As much as I hated Roger at this moment, I had no idea what my brother was bound to say, so I couldn't let that happen. "What the fuck do you want?" I asked, hoping he'd get the picture saying that there was no way I wanted to speak to him.

"I've been calling you forever. Where have you been?" he asked, strict. Why did he care? He was probably off getting high anyways. Why would he need me? All he needs is Mimi and his fucking needle.

"It's none of your fricken business," I groaned. Here was a taste of his own medicine; to leave him wondering.

"Mark, can I come over?" he acted like I wasn't sitting here bitching at him. Why would he want to come over when he could be off with Mimi doing god knows what.

"No, I don't want you to fucking come over. Go... to... hell," I said, and hung up the phone. Okay, I know it might seem harsh, but I couldn't deal with a druggie, not someone who treated me like shit and would rather be off getting high.

Within seconds the phone rang again. I didn't answer it, and I just let my brother pick up the phone. He said hello, and just listened to other line. I didn't know why, but I was sitting there, waiting to hear what Roger had to say. Ugh, why did I have to care so much? "Your gay lover is coming over," he commented matter-of-factly. It was rather annoying.

I threw my hands into the air. "What the fuck? Why? Did you know hear me tell him I didn't want him to come over?!" I screamed at him. He just smirked at me. I slapped him in the face, and ran up to my room, pissed.

Ugh, why did he have to come over? I knew what was gonna happen when he did. He'd come over, say some sweet 'I love you' s and I'd just fall for it all. Why did he have to be so damn appealing to me? Asshole.

No. I couldn't let that happen. I _wouldn't._ I'd keep as far away from him as possible. There was no way that I would look into his eyes, and I would not listen to his words. I'd tell him what I had to say, we'd fight, and it'd be over. Because that's all I really wanted, it all to be over. I loved Roger more than anyone in the world, but was all this worth it? I thought it once, but everything was so different now.

I found myself, laying there, on the bed, just thinking about everything that had happened. I thought I was done thinking. After all, I had spent all that time at the park doing just that. But here I was, thinking more. Falling even more into love with Roger, and even more into hate. Which feeling was stronger? I didn't know. It wasn't until Roger came in the door, that I realized I was also crying.

"Mark?" Roger asked, sitting on the bed next to me. "Honey, are you okay?" He went to place his hand on mine, but I pulled away quickly. He turned to me with a questioning expression. I shook my head at him in disapproval. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," I whispered. I wasn't sure if he heard me, but he wrapped his arm around me anyways, pulling me closer to him. Although I would've loved to rest in his arms, I was sticking to my plan. No way would Roger win this one.

"Mark, talk to me," he said staring at me still, with intense eyes.

I pushed him away with force, saying with my body language that he needed to stay away from him. The tears were flowing harder now, but I had to speak through them. "Why is it that you want to talk now, when I just want to get this over with. I'm sick of tired of being sick and tired, Roger," I told him, almost screaming.

He sat up and walked toward me. I shut my eyes, hoping that this problem would just go away. But it didn't. Roger wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me closer. I pushed him away for the hundredth time. "You're making this a lot harder than it has to be."

Roger's look changed. Instead of confused, it was concerned. "Making what harder?" he questioned, his eyes beginning to water. This wasn't working out how I planned at all. It was just supposed to be a fight, where I was the one hurt, as usual. But I'd get over it this time. But now Roger was hurting. How horrible of a person was I?

I took a deep breath. I just had to spit it out and get it over with. "I found your needle, Roger. It's over," I simply said. I walked to my bedroom door and opened it, motioning for him to leave.

Roger formed a fake chuckle. I couldn't believe that he actually tried that on me. I knew him all too well. "What needle?" Ugh. He had to play stupid. He was going to make this as difficult as possible for me, wasn't he? Of course.

I stood there, crying. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't act that way. I know you too well," I explained.

"Well, there is something wrong with your logic," Roger began. "If you knew me as well as you say, you'd know that I would never get addicted to that crap. I'm not a junkie," he finished sternly. He just had to go on pretending innocence, didn't he, when the evidence was everywhere? His trips to Mimi were so urgent, his strange behavior, his "new self", and not to mention, the needle in his clothes.

"I'm not buying that crap," I said flat out. I wasn't going to fall into him this time. I was in control, and it was going to stay that way if I could help it.

Roger sighed and sat back down on my bed. He looked down, like he always did, when he was ashamed. "Okay, Mark. Please don't hate me. I tried it once, but I'm not dumb enough to get addicted. I've been through all that before with my family. I know how bad it is."

"You can get addicted trying it once, Roger. And if you just tried it that once, why would a needle be in your clothes?" I asked.

"Why were you going through my stuff?" he asked, ignoring my question completely. Here was the Roger I knew so well lately; the Roger that would turn everything around so I was the bad one, so _I_ felt terrible. It wasn't happening this time.

"Maybe you shouldn't leave your shit at my house, and I think you're missing the bigger picture here anyways. How would I know that this was a one time thing? And how can I trust you when you say it is? After all, you have been lying to with me about what you were doing at Mimi's. It's been this all along hasn't it? It's always been these drugs. They've always been more important than me, haven't they? Why don't you just admit it? I never met anything to you. " I stared at him. It was blunt... It was honesty.

"How can you say that when I'm here right now trying to get close to you?" he asked. His sobs got louder. I felt bad, but now he was understanding how I had felt all these times that he's acted this way toward me.

"How do I know it's not just about the sex?" I questioned. I never thought that was true, but if Roger could become a junkie, he could very well be a different kind of user too.

"If it was about the sex, why did I wait so long to be with you? Why would I have embarrassed myself in front of everyone by coming out with you?... _For _you! You are so full of shit. What is this really about?" He screamed at me now. What a surprise... another fight.

But he did have a point. He had always been there for me, with me. He had always been perfect. I sat down beside him, resting my hand on his. "I'm scared Roger." I admitted.

He pulled his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. "Scared for what?" he asked softly, kissing my forehead.

"Of losing you," I whispered.

"Then why are you trying to break up with me?" he asked, laying down on the bed, bringing me with him. I layed my head gently on his chest listening to his heartbeat. "That sounds a bit silly to me," he added.

"Because, if I lose you this way, I have control over it. But if you go on... with the drugs... and I were to lose you that way, I don't think I could handle it," I explained. It did sound silly, but it was true. I don't know how I would survive if I could never see Roger again.

"Mark... I'm done, okay? I promise. Please, just don't leave me. I don't think I could handle it," he echoed. "I love you."

I just layed there. I couldn't answer. I couldn't say that I loved him. It would make it true, and I didn't want that. If I did it, I was giving in. I was sticking to my ground. So I didn't say it... at least out loud.

We layed there the whole night, just resting, like we used to. It was so perfect, but it couldn't be real for much longer, so I soaked up as much happiness as I could. Me and Roger didn't make love that night, and I was okay with that. It was so nice, so great, laying there just like we used to.

And it lasted just like that for so long. Everything was great. Roger still left and saw Mimi, but I trusted him. I believed him when he said he didn't do anything. A relationship without trust wasn't a relationship and I understood that now. If Roger could trust me, I could trust him too. I just had to, to make things work. And that's what I really wanted. I wanted us to work.

I woke in the morning to the sounds of Roger, Collins, and Angel voices. I turned to the clock: 12:46. Wow. I slept in late for going to bed early. I guess it had been a stressful night, but then, it was good at the same time. Suprisingly, I had no nightmares.

The three of them were sitting on the floor in a circle just laughing about something. I rubbed my eyes a little and grabbed my glasses. Then randomly they started hysterically laughing. It was a little too much for me. "I need to tell my mom not to let you in in the morning..." I said through a yawn.

But they just kind of ignored me and kept talking and giggling constantly. So, I made my way to them and sat next to Roger. That's when I realized why they all were so giggly. They were sitting in my room, smoking. I stared at them with pissed eyes, but I guess they didn't understand because they just stared back like retards. "What the fuck are you doing?" I finally asked.

"Calm down, Mark. It's no big deal. Your parents won't smell it," Collins said. But the truth was, I wasn't mad that we might get caught (after all, I wasn't even doing it), I wasn't mad that Collins or Angel were doing it (they've done it plenty times before), but I was so angry that Roger was. He had told me he was off the drugs. Did weed not count as a drug or something?

I stood up and left my bedroom. I slammed my door for effect, hoping that Roger would realize that I was angry and he'd come say he was sorry. Then I got even more mad when he didn't follow me. So I slumped down at my kitchen table and ate pancakes that my mom made for me.

A hour had pasted and Roger had still not come to me, nor did Collins or Angel. Although what I really wanted to do was go up there and bitch and bitch and bitch to kick them out, I walked up there silently and rested on the bed. They were all still sitting in the lame circle, so I turned the opposite way, laying on my bed, so that I couldn't see them. I didn't want to. ...at least Roger.

Then I felt someone sit by me on the bed. I didn't look to see who it was, but when I felt and arm on my shoulder I knew it was Roger. "What's up?" he asked. That was something he would say in a normal conversation, and that pissed me off. He was supposed to be here comforting me and saying he loved me, but all he was doing was talking at me.

"Go away," I murmured. I didn't know if he heard me, and I didn't really care. I wanted him there, I wanted him to comfort me, but it was a no win situation. If he stayed, I'd just end up yelling at him: bad. If he went away, I'd get even more mad and just yell at him later: also bad.

"Whatever," Roger huffed and walked away, which was bad. But I decided that it must just be better to fight later, since he just walked away from me. I wasn't going to be the one to try and fix things. I always was. I wanted him to realize what he was without me, like I was without him: empty.

Then I felt someone else sit down beside me. I didn't know who it was. I didn't care. Only Roger could fix this. "Honey, I think you need to calm down. Collins and I are always doing this. What's the big deal?" Angel asked, softly. Her voice was comforting, but not exactly what I wanted.

I sighed a bit. "I'm not in love with you or Collins. It's not the same," I said.

I heard her giggle a bit. "Well thanks for that." I laughed a little too. "Well, it's just a little weed. He's not going to die from it. We're not dead, are we, and we've done it how many times?" she asked.

I thought about learning in school about all that lung cancer stuff. It didn't happen to everyone from weed, but sometimes it did. I didn't want that to happen. And we also learned that pot leads to trying other things too, sometimes. Is that why he started with the shooting up? "Well... that's not the only thing Roger has done," I said softly.

"What are you talking about, honey? I never heard of anything else and Collins tells me everything, and you tell him everything, right?" she asked confused. No one could believe that he would do something like that, but it was true. The evidence was everywhere, and he admitted it. "Did he tell you that?"

"I found a needle in his things. He denied it at first, but then, after it was obvious that I didn't believe it wasn't his, he admitted trying it. But I'm not so sure that it was just trying. I mean, I believe Roger about almost everything and I want to believe him about this so bad, but I don't know if I can," I replied, letting it all spill out.

"Oh honey," Angel said then. She bent over by me and gentle rubbed my arm for comfort. "I'm so sorry. That's such a bad thing to do."

"It is, isn't it?" I said, a couple of tears leaking from my eyes. I don't know why I was getting so worked up about this; we had been through this before. Roger said he would stop, but I don't even know if he did. Well, maybe he stopped shooting up, but it was obvious that he was smoking marijuana and it wasn't his first time. Then another thought hit me, what else has he tried?

"Do you want me to kick his ass?" Angel asked softly, with a little smile on her face. "I bet I could take him." I laughed a little because it was probably true, but I still felt bad. Jokes couldn't exactly solve this.

"Hey, Angel," I heard Collins deep voice call after the door cracked a bit. "Your parents called and we better leave. Sorry, Mark. See ya later, okay? Don't die," he joked, but I didn't know if I could hold up to that with the way I was feeling and the way things were bound to go.

"Bye Marky," Angel said softly, patting me on the arm one last time. "I'll make sure I do that favor for you." I laughed a little, and then she left.

Minutes later Roger was in the room. I was mad, so I didn't really want to talk to him. But I had to, and I couldn't help it. And then when he sat on the bed next to me, putting his arm around me, I had to spill it all out. "I thought you were done with all of this," I said, quietly, trying to be as calm as possible.

I heard him chuckle a little. I didn't find anything funny. "It's just weed. I mean, Collins and Angel smoke it all the time," he said. He was going to play that game with me, wasn't he?

"Yeah, well, I don't fuck Collins and Angel," I said bluntly. I didn't have to put it in those words exactly, but it was still true.

He laughed again which made me angry. That was one of the reasons I didn't like it. It made people dumb and Roger wasn't taking anything seriously. This was definitely something to take seriously. Drugs are serious. "I think you are making this a big deal."

Then I shot up from the bed staring him straight in the face. He gave me a surprised look like I was crazy or something. "Just stop, okay. Stop! I'm sick of you ignoring my feelings. Do you know what that can do to you?" I screamed, staring into his eyes.

Roger gave a giant sigh. "Save me the after school special, please. I'm not stupid. It'll kill me, or whatever," he said. Yeah, that's what I thought. He didn't deny ignoring my feelings at all because he knew that's what he did. He always did, and now he was again, of course.

"God, why are you doing this? Can't you just stop for a second and consider how I feel about all this," I said wondering if he was even taking anything I said into consideration. I highly doubted it, and it killed me.

"I know how you feel. You tell me all the time like it's your business or something. You think I'm going to die. I'm not. Look," he said, grabbing my hands in his,"Please calm down. You're acting childish." Oh, it wasn't any of my business now? It was, and it had everything to do with me. He was my boyfriend. What he was doing, I had a right to know about.

I pointed my finger right in his face. "Don't patronize me! I have every right to be pissed." He shouldn't make me feel bad for feeling this way. It was perfectly normal to freak when the love of your life was threatening his own life. I didn't want anything to happen to him, and as many times as I tried to say I didn't, I really loved him.

He sighed and rolled his eyes again. "Mark, I don't even smoke that much. This was the first time in a long while, okay? Does that make you feel better?" he asked, staring at me with big eyes.

No. It definitely didn't make me feel better, because if he wasn't doing this, he was surely doing something else. This wasn't that Roger I knew. I don't think I could ever get that Roger back. I shook my head. "And what else have you done in place of it? You're not the same. I know what's going on," I told him flat out.

"How could you? You don't even know anything anymore. You just assume that I am the way I am because of drugs. I am the way I am because the drugs are the only thing I have," he said, which made no sense. He had his friends, his family, and he had me... Didn't that matter anymore?

"What don't you have, Roger? What? Do I not mean anything anymore?" I asked, screaming, truly pissed.

"I don't have my family. I haven't seen my mother in how many fucking months?!" he yelled in my face. Now I wasn't the only one angry. A bitchy tone came into play.

"You hate your mother," I answered, truthfully. He had said it a million times. I'd seen her do these things, these terrible things, and Roger had told me about a thousand other times. I, myself, hated her.

He closed his eyes tightly. I knew what he was doing. He was wishing he wasn't here, so took him by his shoulders and shook him. "Mark!" he screamed in my face, making me stop. I backed down a bit and really looked at him. He was crying now, hard. "She was my mother, maybe not a good one, but she was. I was mad at her _all _the time, but when I was younger she was a great person. I loved her, and I can't let that go, but I have to. Do you know how hard that is for me?" he asked not screaming anymore, just, softly weeping.

No. I didn't know how hard. My mother had always been there and had always been loving. But wasn't he being hypocritical? "Yeah, well she became bad because of drugs, and what are you doing now? Hm. Let's see," I said, pretending to be calm. "Drugs!" I screamed in his face then, pissed and confused by his logic.

"Mark stop! You don't even know. You think you do, but you don't. Because you don't understand I have _nothing_." There he was, saying that bullshit again. Everything in his life was good since he moved in with his grandparents. I just rolled my eyes at him. "See, you don't understand," he repeated for the thousandth time.

I scoffed. "Then fucking tell me what's so terrible."

"I don't have my mother. I don't have my father. I don't have my sister. I don't have _Benny_," he said, softly looking down. _Benny._ No, he didn't have him. "And I barely have you." I lifted his chin and looked into his eyes. They weren't blood-shot. He didn't look high. He looked real... hurt.

Athough I didn't want to, it was a natural thing and I softly pressed my lips against his. I didn't want to do it; it would just complicate things more, but I didn't want him to be in any pain. I just wanted to make this better somehow. "You have me right now, Roger. You'll always have me," I said softly, looking directly into his eyes. I said it, but I didn't know how true that was.

He pulled away quickly. "No, I don't. I don't have _you_. I have you _running my life_. I want to do this. It's the only thing I can have for myself. It makes me happy... and that's one thing that you haven't been doing lately," he let out slowly. It was hard hearing this. I thought this was all solved. I thought we didn't have to fight anymore. I thought he loved me.

"I know how bad that sounds, Mark, but--" he began again.

I quickly cut him off. "No, you don't know. Why are you doing this?" I asked, tears falling from my eyes. Where was this going? ...No. I knew now.

"Why are _you_ doing this? Why can't I just do what I want?" he asked, as if it wasn't obvious, like I had told him a million times.

"I don't want you hurt. I care about you. I _love_ you. You need to stop hurting yourself," I told him. I couldn't take this. I couldn't take the look on his face. So, I pulled myself away and threw a pillow over my head.

"Well...," he began softly. I knew it was coming. I could barely listen. "What if I don't stop?" he asked, and my heart broke. I knew what I had to do. I couldn't go on like this anymore. I wouldn't let myself. I thought I knew pain, but this was just pure agony.

"Then we will stop," it crushed me to say this, but maybe it crushed him just enough to give in. He was silent for a long time and I found myself wondering if he hadn't gotten up and left. I really didn't want that, so I sat up, hoping he was still sitting there.

And he was, just sitting there, silently crying. I felt horrible. Why _was _I doing this? Why was I giving him this ultimatum? Was this really the right thing to do? In my heart, it said no. I longed so much to touch him, to make him better. That's all I could do, wasn't it?

No. I couldn't. This wasn't right. I needed to make this as fast as possible and just get it over with making this better. But my mind went wild and without wanting to, my body moved next to Roger and put my arms around him. His body was shaking in rhythm with sobs. I had to do something. I couldn't see him like that. "Roger, this doesn't have to happen. All you need to do is--"

He cut me off by looking at me. It was the worst sight. His face, his _beautiful _face, was so hurt and so filled with pain, that I silently damned myself. And when he spoke, his voice shook with angst. "I can't. I can't go through that."

"I'll help you with all the withdrawal. You know I will! Just, come on. You can do it," I said, trying to fix this, but still getting my way. I stared at him, and he just stared back. His amazing eyes weren't bright now, and I could see all the pain he had ever been through, and it hurt to know that I was causing so much of it.

I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, tell him I loved him more than anything, and before I almost did, he began to speak.

"That's not what I mean. I mean... I can't go through with changing who I am to make you happy," he said. It felt like a bullet in my heart. How was I changing him? I was just stopping him from hurting himself, wasn't I? "Mark, I have to leave. I can't handle this. I thought I could, but I can't change. I don't _want _to change. So, I guess... I'm gone," he said, and stood up.

My heart snapped in half. I though there was no way I could ever survive this, but I kept breathing, and my split heart kept on beating... although I didn't want any of that to happen. If I was dead inside, I might as well be dead for real. He didn't say anything, just stood up and walked away.

The only thing I saw as he walked out the door, was the back of his head.

* * *

We need to take a break for a while.  
It's been so long since I smiled.  
I dont wanna listen now,  
Live this day down,  
With you so drunk and high,  
So I'll say goodbye.

-"Bliss" by Hinder.

* * *

**I liked the little ending lyrics; good to go with this. I'm going to use a lot of lyrics to show themes of the sequel and stuff, so I hope you like it. That one should be up very soon. I just need help with a title. Ideas? **

**Reviews would be nice! ha. And sorry if you don't like the ending. I know, sort of lame, but the next one is mostly likely going to have a happy ending. Yay! So keep your eyes pealed (...I never understood that saying), and you can read the next one if you like. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews and support. They meant a lot to me. Everyone always says that, but it's true. Thanks again.**


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